tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post108731686427683044..comments2023-10-31T05:09:35.339-04:00Comments on Purple Women & Friends: The Purple ClosetLaura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-26045618283067076012007-08-03T06:24:00.000-04:002007-08-03T06:24:00.000-04:00TeriI've lived in Berk. and Oakland and though I d...Teri<BR/><BR/>I've lived in Berk. and Oakland and though I don't know if there are more childfree here, there def. is not that sense of this is where people come to raise their families type suburban feeling you've described about where you live. And yes that is one of many reasons why I'm here, not that I consciously thought about that when choosing where to live, but the environment and community here is such that I feel more at home and comfortable here than I do most a anywhere else (so indirectly yes it's on of the reasons, and also one of the reasons, among many, why I am reluctant to move to certain areas).Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14019009149011549894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-88856480843105593602007-08-02T06:09:00.000-04:002007-08-02T06:09:00.000-04:00LauraS - Yes, I think it is important not to rush ...<B>LauraS</B> - Yes, I think it is important not to rush a new relationship. As a PW, I want to be sure it's worth the emotional investment in revealing myself. People need to get a sense of me first, before we discuss my family planning!<BR/><BR/><B>M</B> - Do you currently live in a community that has lots of childfree people? Did you choose to live there because of this aspect?<BR/><BR/>I am very aware of the potential hazard of quick judgments of parents when they learn you are not "one of them". That's why I am so wary. That's also why I try to make childfree friends. It's a bit of social insulation against a child-centric world.<BR/><BR/>Thank you both for your comments.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-31674891493777866372007-08-01T17:31:00.000-04:002007-08-01T17:31:00.000-04:00Sometimes I fear moving to a different area becaus...Sometimes I fear moving to a different area because I'm scared that my husband and I will be the only ones who are childfree (by choice, as opposed to childless), and that we may not fit in or find friends. <BR/><BR/>I like having friends who have children, in fact I love children in general (though I don't always want to be around then, esp. if they are loud, rowdy, etc., but anyway), but I think numerous factors can contribute to the childfree feeling left out or alienated in communities with many parents and children.<BR/><BR/>Some of the reasons it may be hard for the childfree in an area with many kids and parents are: <BR/><BR/>*often parents (especially new parents or parents of infants/toddlers) have a pretty limited amount of time to spend with friends<BR/><BR/>*many parents prefer or have to bring kids along during social occasions (meet for lunch, go for a walk, etc.) and not all childfree enjoy having kids around all or much of the time<BR/><BR/>*kids often become the main focus of an event or of the discussion and childfree people may prefer to talk about a larger variety of topics and to not have adult conversation repeatedly interrupted <BR/><BR/>*some parents are simply more interested in hanging out with other parents pretty much exclusively so the childfree are left out<BR/><BR/>*parents form many groups that revolve around parenthood so the childfree are just naturally left out by definition<BR/><BR/>*in some cases, the interests and concerns of parents just don't mesh with those of the childfree<BR/><BR/>I have numerous friendships that are not the least bit affected by the differences in choices around parenthood. But I also have been witness to many of the above, even in the online world, or maybe I should say <I>especially</I> in the online world. <BR/><BR/>At times, it feels that many parents have disdain for or simply have no interest in the childfree. This is something I've found clearly stated by many parents online and not an assumption on my part. But, I'm hoping that these are simply a vocal few, and that the majority of parents, as well as the majority of the childfree, choose their friends and judge others based on the kind of person they are and not on their choices about procreating.<BR/><BR/>So glad you are not finding my fears coming true for you in your suburban community. How wonderful!Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14019009149011549894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-73535590136230768052007-08-01T14:33:00.000-04:002007-08-01T14:33:00.000-04:00I truly understand your reluctance to "out" yourse...I truly understand your reluctance to "out" yourself as childfree. When I was in my thirties,I occasionally let people think I was just postponing children. I was in a new community surrounded by parents and I had found that when I made a point of defining myself as childless by choice sometimes the conversation would become awkward and some parents became defensive. That was not what I wanted.<BR/>I also found it was much easier to wait until I had the chance to spend some more time with this person so that that she could get to know me before the common assumptions about why I had made the choice took hold.Laura S. Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com