tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post1857052244600790986..comments2023-10-31T05:09:35.339-04:00Comments on Purple Women & Friends: How I Became a Purple WomanLaura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-1633617691556334042007-08-18T20:20:00.000-04:002007-08-18T20:20:00.000-04:00Can anyone help me find this definition of a paren...Can anyone help me find this definition of a parent, which was expressed as a job advert? It contained phrases like: no sick leave, full time job, no holiday pay, working 24/7, but it's fulfilling etc.<BR/><BR/>Please drop me a line on joy@thegoddessinyou.co.uk.<BR/><BR/>Many thanks in advance!<BR/><BR/>joy<BR/><A HREF="http://www.thegoddessinyou.co.uk/" REL="nofollow">The Goddess In You</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-90239557704789116602007-08-18T20:17:00.000-04:002007-08-18T20:17:00.000-04:00Try being a Filipina in her 30's! Even though I'v...Try being a Filipina in her 30's! Even though I've migrated to the UK, it's inevitable I'd run into someone from the Philippines who can't get their head around the fact that being married and childfree can also spell bliss. I'm not averse to having children, but at the moment, parenthood is solely focused on being Myko and Thaea's mom - they're my 12 year old Japanese Spitzes. I love them to bits!<BR/><BR/>joy<BR/><A HREF="http://www.thegoddessinyou.co.uk/" REL="nofollow">The Goddess In You</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-59098472399762520022007-08-09T06:58:00.000-04:002007-08-09T06:58:00.000-04:00Thanks to all, again - it's great to get feedback!...Thanks to all, again - it's great to get feedback!<BR/>@ alaskanmama - thank you! I wish others could be as open-minded as you.<BR/>@ lauras - I'd almost forgotten about the peeing lol. I still don't like dolls either!<BR/>@ anitad - I think it's great that your parents explained that having children is a choice. I wonder how many parents do?<BR/>@ m - thanks! Even though I write about being childfree, it's not something that weighs on my mind every single day. You made a great point when you said that parents didn't feel alienated before they became parents. As you say, they wanted children in the future - the childfree don't. Ever.<BR/>I do think it's important to discuss the downside of being childfree. Society is geared towards the childed and dealing with some people's reactions can be difficult. It doesn't mean you doubt or regret the actual choice to be childfree.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-51906902177716637342007-08-08T16:56:00.000-04:002007-08-08T16:56:00.000-04:00Love this post. It's funny, I often feel I have no...Love this post. <BR/><BR/>It's funny, I often feel I have nothing to say about being childfree and then I come to this site and, well, write epic length comments! But, it's because I can always relate so much to what I read here, and this is often the only place I feel this way (in regard to these particular issues, of course).<BR/><BR/>Two statements that stood out to me from this post: <BR/><BR/>1) "From quite a young age, I sensed that the derision these women faced was prompted by jealousy yet nobody was willing to admit it." <BR/><BR/>I have often wondered about some of the really harsh comments I've heard about the decision to be childfree. <BR/><BR/>Do other people's decisions to not have kids really have bearing on another's life in such a significant way as to merit some of the more, uh, "intense" reactions that are out there? In my view at least, in relation to comments I've heard or read, I'd have to answer no. <BR/><BR/>I don't think jealousy is always the explanation, but overall, like any other difference that touches a nerve in some people, I think the reactions to this topic are often so much more about the person's own unresolved issues (whether those be jealously, regret, guilt, or whatever else) than about there being actual inherent problems with the behavior that's being critiqued. <BR/><BR/>2) My other comment is about this statement: "My 30th birthday was a milestone for me, like it is for many people. It was actually quite depressing because I seemed to be the only one who wasn't a mother - it really brought home how isolated I was, even though I've never regretted my decision."<BR/><BR/>I think this is such an important point. For me, my being childfree is not something I normally give much thought to on a regular basis. I am very content with my choices and know that my lifestyle is as it should be at this time. However, when I do give thought to this issue it is due to the type of isolation and exlusion described in this post, as well as due to what at times feels like society's tendency to accommodate certain types of families (childed one) over other types. <BR/><BR/>As a side note, I want to say that those who have planned or considered children all along don't really experience during their "childless" years what we childfree experience in this regard. The difference being, the not-yet parents simply haven't had kids <I>yet</I>; we childfree aren't having kids, <I>period</I>. <BR/><BR/>I often hear parents saying that their experience before kids was not one of alienation, but I believe that that stems from the knowledge that they were in the majority insofar as wanting kids. Because the truth is it isn't so much that we don't <I>have</I> kids that makes us different to others but that we don't <I>want</I> them. <BR/><BR/>I'm sure the childless can feel excluded and alienated too, but I think they are at least generally accepted in a way the childfree often are not, since they do want kids and thus are considered "normal" and fall into a category that certain others can understand.<BR/><BR/>As long as one's needs aren't being fully met in the community at large, smaller communities get formed that can speak to those needs. That is the case, I think, with many groups. <BR/><BR/>I wish there was more attempts at inclusion and unification from every direction (in many regards, not just around childfree issues), but that only works if all sides want it to and if all can and want to be respectful of others' choices and lives.<BR/><BR/>Like Lynn, any negative feelings I may have about being childfree are not about doubting or regretting my lifestyle and circumstance, but about feeling alienated and excluded by individuals as well as some of our community tendencies as a whole. Being the social, interdependent creatures that thrive on community that we humans are, that is not always pleasant or to deal with.<BR/><BR/>So thanks Lynn and Purple Women for again and again confirming for me that I am <I>not</I> alone, that many, many people feel very much like I do. It may not be a necessity in life to have that reassurance but it sure does feel good to have it nonetheless!Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14019009149011549894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-70584035732719589102007-08-07T10:26:00.000-04:002007-08-07T10:26:00.000-04:00LOL@Laura's story. Sounds like something I would ...LOL@Laura's story. Sounds like something I would do.<BR/><BR/>I first realized I would be a purple woman when I was about 8 years old. I came from a strict upbringing and was taught you must be married before you have children. A teacher at my school became pregnant and was not married. Everyone was talking about it in the neighbourhood about how horrible it was. At that age I thought a girl just automatically becomes pregnant at a certain age and you just better be married when it happens. I didn't know about sex yet. I told my parents...I hope I can find somebody to marry before I start having babies. They peiced it together that I thought it automatically happens. They explained that one doesn't automatically start having babies. It's a choice. I thought I had been given a great gift. My eyes widened and I said. "Oh good....then I'm never going to have babies. ...pause....but I might want to get married."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-35773391755500323422007-08-07T03:57:00.000-04:002007-08-07T03:57:00.000-04:00I laughed when I read about your aversion for doll...I laughed when I read about your aversion for dolls. I, too, remember the Christmas when I unwrapped the doll that just cried tears and peed when you filled her with water. What a useless and awful gift, I thought, and the only time if filled her up with water is to use her as a squirt gun and chase my little brother around the yard, threatening to pee on him.Laura S. Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-69418071474723576302007-08-07T03:28:00.000-04:002007-08-07T03:28:00.000-04:00I think it's a fantastic adventure to do what you ...I think it's a fantastic adventure to do what you want in life, and screw everyone else! I have children and think, for me, it is the most rewarding thing I could have ever done for myself. But my adventure is not for others to share. Someone still needs to make the big bucks and flip my burgers. Why not a woman?! <BR/><BR/>It wasn't until I had children that I discovered who I truly was and what I wanted in life. I don't know who I would be right now if it weren't for the birth of my daughter. I am envious of those who are so steadfast in their self-reflection that they can stand in adversity and know exactly what they want. <BR/><BR/>Great post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com