tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162339142024-03-07T01:48:01.977-05:00Purple Women & FriendsA Purple Woman is childfree, despite societal pressures to procreate. This blog is a safe place to explore and connect on that topic. Please feel free to explore by topic in the sidebar.Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.comBlogger442125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-87322606129268285322010-12-24T10:16:00.002-05:002010-12-24T10:18:51.622-05:00A Message From Down Under<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">An unexpected email from a Purple Woman in Australia was the best gift I could have received this Christmas. It convinces me that just posting a new article once or twice a year is not enough effort to keep the content and value of this 2-year intensive blog project alive. My big task for the new year is to take steps to preserve it, so that it will continue to provide a measured, balance perspective on what it is to be a Purple Woman. It is empowering to be self-defined.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She has given me permission to share this letter to herself.</div><br />
<div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Madeline's Story: A Letter to Myself</b></span></div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/TRS44MFV1HI/AAAAAAAAB1I/Jf8FAuXQxOk/s1600/Letter+to+Self.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/TRS44MFV1HI/AAAAAAAAB1I/Jf8FAuXQxOk/s320/Letter+to+Self.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Today is the beginning of a new outlook on life. This weekend we made the decision to not continue on the IVF path. Not next year. Not ever.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">For me it is also a conscious decision not to continue on the ‘infertility’ path. That may sound strange, because technically we will remain, by definition, ‘infertile’. But today, and every day from now on, this is not how we define ourselves.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Spending our emotional energy, our time and our money trying to bring ‘something’ into our life implies that there is something missing. And that is what has kept us on the IVF roller coaster and turned both of us – I guess me especially – into anxious and (if I’m being honest with myself) at times unhappy people. What I have come to realise this week is that there is nothing missing.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">We have a loving, fun, deeply committed relationship and we have a choice to make. So many of our choices have been made for us that I almost forgot the one we can still make – we can choose not to define ourselves by what we don’t have. We can choose to get off the emotional rollercoaster that is ivf. We can choose to embrace a different life. Not a lesser life, but a different one…maybe even a fuller one.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Yesterday I read that ‘There is only so much time in a day, a week, a lifetime, and if we don't raise children, perhaps we "raise" something else.’ Something about this blog excerpt resonated with me because, deep down, I know that I have something significant to contribute to this world. And I know that we both can make a mark, as individuals or as a couple. And that mark isn’t going to be children. But it will be something just as meaningful. We might change the life of people less fortunate than us. We might find a way to bring light into dark times that other people suffer through. And through doing this we will probably learn, in a deeper way than we now recognise, that we are so very lucky to be two healthy, bright, driven people.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Apart from leaving a mark on this world, there are smaller – but significant – ways that we can embrace our life and be happy that we have made this choice. We will have a freedom that other people cannot. We can have dinner at 9pm on a Tuesday night over candlelight and a bottle of wine. We can nurture our love in a selfish, indulgent way. We can come home at midnight after a night out with friends… no babysitter, no guilt. I can pursue a fulfilling career without the guilt of having to divide my energies and time. I can continue singing and musical theatre and the joy that brings without feeling overcommitted. We can go on extravagant or adventurous holidays every year. Every year. No putting it off. No having to find ‘child friendly’ hotels. No waiting until school holidays. We can explore other cultures and learn new things. We can take a whole year off work if we want to and travel the world (well, maybe later when we can afford it). We can go for long walks holding each other’s hands, ending up at a cocktail bar on the river if that’s what we feel like. We can enjoy the simple things in life…good food, good wine, expensive restaurants, lazy Sunday afternoon wines.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">We don’t need anybody else in our lives to be fulfilled. There are many things that can ‘complete’ someone and there are many expressions of our love for each other. In the past, I was so sad that our beautiful love would never be reflected in a child. What I am focused on now is nurturing and protecting that love and having fun with it. There are other things that our love will be weaved into. We might volunteer overseas together… we might give something back in a way that others can’t. Importantly, we can move forward without resentment of other people’s fortune. Because we are going to be fortunate in other ways. We are going to feel fulfilled and satisfied and free. We are going to make a difference. We are going to focus our energies on our marriage, on our own identities and passions, and on our friends – some that we have, some that we will meet.</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Most importantly, we will feel whole and happy because we have a deep love that we can spend every day investing our time and energy into and nothing will compromise that.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">[Editor's note: This Purple Woman's name has been changed to protect her privacy. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Special thanks to Flickr member <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/wimmulder/">Wim Mulder</a> for sharing his photo via Creative commons. <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/"><b>CC</b></a>]</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">For more information about the choice to be childfree, read through the archived posts on this blog (hint: you will find them sorted by topic in the sidebar), or visit<b> Laura Scott</b>'s "<a href="http://www.childlessbychoiceproject.com/">Childless by Choice Project</a>". Laura is an author and filmmaker and a former contributing editor of this blog. </span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-18891944057324652602010-06-17T09:43:00.004-04:002010-06-17T09:51:37.229-04:00Purple Women Love Opera<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/TBompknoghI/AAAAAAAABvw/YhB8PDcY3Bw/s1600/DSCN1935.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 367px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/TBompknoghI/AAAAAAAABvw/YhB8PDcY3Bw/s400/DSCN1935.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483737991923401234" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">I and my Purple girlfriend shared accommodations, gas expense, and driving duty driving to L.A. to attend the Opera Conference last week. </span><br /><br />I didn't reflect upon the fact that not only were we both childfree, but so was our hostess, as well as the other lady friend we connected with while we were down there. The long drive home up I-5 gives one ample time for pondering such things.<br /><br />My CF status is neither forward, nor hidden, it simply is a fact. It has taken years to get to that place emotionally and mentally. Two years of reading every book I could find on the subject, and blogging about it on this site, helped me get there. It is a good place to be. I no longer actively seek friends who are Purple like me, I gravitate towards them naturally. I have friends on both sides of the fence. I simply have more in common with those who are not parents with kids at home.<br /><br />Being involved with my local opera company, on a volunteer basis, brings me into close association with a lot of retired folks whose children are grown. I have been told they have daughters my age. Age is something else I do not think about when making friends. This has served me well all my life.<br /><br />There is only so much time in a day, a week, a lifetime, and if we don't raise children, perhaps we "raise" something else. It could be any cause, group, or a business. It opens up a world of possibilities, or as we like to say at Livermore Valley Opera, "opera-tunities".<div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-85258656268596128182010-06-06T10:45:00.006-04:002010-06-06T13:12:16.426-04:00Purple Again<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/TAvUfs4RSsI/AAAAAAAABvA/OfF_xJ4wXNg/s1600/DSCN1653.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/TAvUfs4RSsI/AAAAAAAABvA/OfF_xJ4wXNg/s400/DSCN1653.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5479707012714547906" border="0" /></a>People used to ask me why "purple" women? It's a long story. Unless you for some unknown reason hate that color, the term when used to modify the word "woman" is relatively neutral, and begs definition. I propose that it was open to definition.<br /><br />The short answer is "I like to be self-defined, so I created my own label." Too often women without children, either by choice or by accepting their circumstance, struggle with society's labels for them. Childless or childfree, or child-free like smoke-free and ozone-free?<br /><br />When I began this blog, three years ago, I was living out of the country, connected only by phone and the Internet with loved ones and friends. My husband were uprooted and living in Toronto, Canada for two years while he completed his work assignment abroad. Our relationship was in a little Petrie dish of life. It was interesting to see what would grow, including some wonderful friendships. We, as a couple really had to put some thought and effort into making those connections. I established this blog in the relative comfort of that big, world class city that makes it all too easy to be anonymous.<br /><br />I have to admit, as we transitioned back home, to a small, suburban town with rural roots in Northern California, I was not too keen on being so out of the closet as a <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 51, 102);">Purple Woman</span>. It was my husband's home town after all, and as small as the one I grew up in. "Better to blend in" was my thinking. In reality, that has never been possible for me, almost everywhere I've been. I have instead embraced "not fitting in" as a personal motto.<br /><br />I have evolved so much in the last five years. This blog was a big part of that emotional journey. And that's just the middle part of my story. Stay tuned!<div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-61121179119042309492010-05-01T10:48:00.003-04:002010-05-01T12:09:42.724-04:00Syndication<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/S9xA0AoU7xI/AAAAAAAABso/lnVZvq0B0Xc/s1600/Teri+Rodeo+2007.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 224px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/S9xA0AoU7xI/AAAAAAAABso/lnVZvq0B0Xc/s320/Teri+Rodeo+2007.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5466315309987458834" border="0" /></a>Many moons since my last post, but since I feel strongly that this topic and the content of this blog, a two year journey taken by not just me but in concert with more than a dozen other guest contributors, is very, very relevant.<br /><br />I have been exploring the capabilities and the whys and wherefores of social networking, and have been inspired by their viral capabilities to network to individuals and organizations in the last year. When I saw that they added Networked Blogs as a new feature, I immediately began experimenting with my current professional blog, one that I created to help promote and fosters support for our local opera company.<br /><br />In order to get the feed "pulled" (no I don't really know what all these tech terms mean), I have to have posts within the last 30 days. So, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!<br /><br />This blog represents a significant accomplishment, technically, semi-professionally, and personally. Not an easy topic to discuss with level heads and opposing viewpoints.<br /><br />I am damn proud of this blog.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-18733919806203395892008-04-02T08:13:00.008-04:002008-04-02T08:58:57.525-04:00Adieu<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">This journey has come to an end for me. I have to follow my heart, because life is not all about blogging. Sometimes you just have to log off and simply live it. When I started this blog, I thought I would write a book. I decided to focus on blogging instead.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><sup><small>TM</small></sup> is my trademark, yet I admit I know not what to do with it from here. I have reached a turning point in this project. It has served its purpose. I decided not to invest the time in publishing a book. Nor do I have ambitions to turn this into a revenue stream. Is anyone out there <span style="font-style: italic;">really </span>marketing to childfree women? (Okay, I <span style="font-style: italic;">could</span> turn that into a longer post, but it is time to close the door on this project, as new ones have opened for me!)<br /><br />To my fellow bloggers, especially contributors to this site, Guest Posters and Regular Contributors alike, a huge thanks for blogging along and exploring the childfree topic with me these past few years. I'd like to think we helped our Co-Contributing Editor, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Laura Scott</span> along her path to actually publishing her book. She announced recently that she has secured a publisher. Wish her well, and please check in at her website from time to time: <a href="http://www.childlessbychoiceproject.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Childless-By-Choice Project</span></a>.<br /><br />The comments will remain open and monitored by me, the Creator and Editor of this unique blog, however, without new posts our readership will drop off and Blogger will only continue to host this site as long as there are visitors. At some point, all our work here will be deleted by a mindless robot (aieeeeee!!!). We have collected 2+ years of posts here, all on the topic of being a woman who is childfree. My final task is to make a back up copy for posterity.<br /><br />Feel free to explore!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">This blog is officially closed.</span> I invite you to visit me over at my personal blog: <a href="http://peggysthings.blogspot.com/">Peggy's Place</a>.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-42691060014345824392008-03-18T09:54:00.005-04:002008-03-18T10:09:21.350-04:00PW in Costa Rica<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R9_MS3erlNI/AAAAAAAAAm0/-lcKDQXis_A/s1600-h/Costa+Rica+Pin+Exchange.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R9_MS3erlNI/AAAAAAAAAm0/-lcKDQXis_A/s400/Costa+Rica+Pin+Exchange.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179082721001706706" border="0" /></a><span style="">Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> travel. They don't have to wait for spring break or summer vacation. They can go to Costa Rica during the peak season (now ending). If you go "high-end", you are almost assured a kid-free experience. We tend to avoid places that advertise themselves as "family-friendly", not that I mind a little interaction with the younger set now and again.<br /><br />Thanks to <span style="font-weight: bold;">LauraS </span>for putting up the posts while my husband and I were commemorating out 10th anniversary of marriage in this tropical locale. I highly recommend Costa Rica, as many of our friends did for us. Whether your high is zip-lining, sport fishing or birding or just sunning yourself by the pool and sampling the local cuisine, you will appreciate the jungle remoteness with all the amenities. One night a baby boa constrictor landed on a tree branch in full view of our dinner table, close enough that we got pictures!<br /><br />Costa Rica has one of the most stable economies in all of South America. They have a thriving middle class, and the government subsidizes their tourism industry by offering mandatory standardized training in preparation for this field. English is compulsory at the high school level, so it is really up to individual if they really want to learn. We were vacationing right alongside Costa Ricans. They are wealthy enough to enjoy their own tourist offerings.<br /><br />When I thought it was all over, (life is just one big adventure, eh?) and we were just killing time at the San Jose Airport, I saw this pin exchange display offered by a bank along with their money exchange service. I traded a Purple Women</span><span style=""><sup><small>TM</small></sup></span><span style=""> button for a Costa Rica one. What fun!<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-64255388738805023192008-03-17T20:48:00.005-04:002008-03-20T20:37:44.776-04:00Can We Have It All?<span style="color:#330033;">This week I caught an episode of TLC’s reality show <em><a href="http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/soccer-moms/soccer-moms.html?sicontent=0&sicreative=1464289274&siclientid=2243&sitrackingid=20427583&source=GGLCAMP026Google+SM+-+Branded+-+ShowADGP014SLOASM+-+AloneKWRD027secret+life+of+a+soccer+mom&psid=TRUE">The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom</a></em>. </span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330033;">A mother of two pretends she is on a mom’s spa trip when, in fact, she is living her fantasy as a chef in one of L.A.’s top restaurants. While her husband is taking care the of the kids, she is testing her skills in the presence of the top food critics in Los Angeles—reclaiming her dream to be a top chef. At the end of her secret week, she is given the choice between taking the opportunity to be a full-time chef at Chocolat, one of L.A.’s premier dining spots, or to go home and resume her life as a full-time mom.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">What does she choose?<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">Despite her husband’s verbal and whole-hearted support of whatever choice she makes, and with consideration of the financial implications of living solely on a chef’s salary, she tearfully chooses to remain a stay-at-home mom.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">The 70’s feminist part of me shakes her head and wonders, <em>have we regressed to Ozzie and Harriet days? </em></span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330033;">The childless by choice part of me understands. </span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330033;">I, too, chose between a career and children. It was a relatively easy choice for me, because I had difficulty imagining myself as a mom. But what if you had two young ones at home and part of your identity, and being, hinged on being the Mom you always wanted to be, and the other part hinged on accomplishing the goals you set for yourself prior to becoming a mom?<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">What would you do? </span><span style="color:#330033;"><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;color:#330033;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><span style="color:#330033;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-87772150689168653732008-03-07T19:37:00.008-05:002008-03-14T11:24:01.524-04:00A Paternal Instinct?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R9qYgHerlMI/AAAAAAAAAms/bir22e0tNWI/s1600-h/Man+and+Child.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R9qYgHerlMI/AAAAAAAAAms/bir22e0tNWI/s320/Man+and+Child.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5177618399146775746" border="0" /></a><span style="">During my research for the <a href="http://www.childlessbychoiceproject.com/">Childless by Choice Project</a>, I interviewed partnered and married childless and childfree men and I asked them, "Do you think there is such a thing as a paternal instinct?"<br /></span><br /><span style="">The responses were varied, but to paraphrase the majority of the men I interviewed, the response was: "If there is, I haven’t got it."<br /></span><br /><span style="">Beyond the anecdotel comes evidence from a major study conducted in the U.K. reported by The Daily Telegraph in Australia this past December, in an article titled <a href="http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,,00.html">For Dads, Happiness is No Kids.<br /></a><br /></span><span style="">Following is the full article:<br /></span><span style=""><blockquote><p>The patter of tiny feet has long been thought of as the key to happiness. But according to a study, having children makes men less satisfied with their life, while women only enjoy motherhood once their offspring are packed off to school. </p><p>Between the ages of three and five, children made mothers less satisfied with life, while being the father of a child under five "significantly reduces"' life satisfaction.</p><p>Women with children aged five to 15 were happier than those who did not have children. Even children of school age brought no increase or decrease in happiness for men.</p><p>The study, carried out by the Institute for Social & Economic Research in Colchester, England, surveyed nearly 4000 couples between 1996 and 2003.<br /></p></blockquote><p>A caveat: I have not seen the original study. However, this rings true to me, based on my interviews.<br /><br />What do you think?<br /></p><p><span style=""><span style="font-size:78%;">Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/fusionstream//?addedcomment=1#comment">fusionstream</a> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en"><span style="font-weight: bold;">cc</span></a>) /Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span></p></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-46624187311412072652008-02-28T09:33:00.006-05:002008-03-14T11:29:27.325-04:00Housekeeping and Guest Contributors<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><sup style="font-weight: bold;"><small>TM</small></sup><span style="font-weight: bold;">, I want to remind you that this Blog Mistress is always looking for new voices. Would you like to contribute your story or opinion? </span>If you have a story idea on our topic of discussion, please send Teri an </span><a href="mailto:teri@purplewomen.org?subject=PW"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">email</span></a><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"> so we can collaborate to get your words on the "top of page". I often feel that the comments are as interesting as the post itself. In the blogosphere, <span style="font-style: italic;">it's all about the dialogue </span>after all!<br /><br />I tend to write "first person" shorter posts, but your <b>Guest Post</b> can be any length. About 500-words is a good target, but it's okay if it's longer. I will help you put up some great art, courtesy Flickr Photos and Creative Commons copyright for the Internet age. All of our Regular Contributors started as Guest Contributors. <blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Good blogs have good content and I ask for your help to keep this unique site a quality site.</span></blockquote>On a personal note, I am happy to report that to celebrate 10 years of marriage, my husband and I will be in sunny Costa Rica for 10 days. We have vowed to leave the computers behind, so you may not hear from me for a couple of weeks. We'll be fishing and swinging through a rain forest jungle, birding, hiking and generally lazing around. I encourage you to visit our archives in the meantime. Various "labels" that are tied to each post and they are "searchable" key words -- all listed in the sidebar. Scroll down a bit and click through on any word to view all the posts tagged with that label. <span style="font-style: italic;">Happy reading!</span><br /><br />You will find that the words of Purple Women<span style="font-size:78%;"><sup>TM</sup></span> Contributors past are still very relevant to our current experience as childfree women today. Perhaps one of them will inspire you to a post of your own.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-55204619285818312552008-02-27T15:09:00.006-05:002008-02-28T09:30:43.423-05:00Motherhood Manifesto Not Just for Moms<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R8bEm7Gn-wI/AAAAAAAAAmE/0eaXxgOAsOw/s1600-h/Woman+with+Rifle.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R8bEm7Gn-wI/AAAAAAAAAmE/0eaXxgOAsOw/s320/Woman+with+Rifle.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172037395061144322" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">I recently spent part of my weekend free time reading and watching <em><a href="http://www.momsrising.org/">The Motherhood Manifesto</a></em>, a book and DVD encouraging moms to fight for new laws and workplace policies that would benefit the lives of mothers and their kids.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Yeah, I know, I’m childree, but I have great respect for the author’s of this work: Joan Blades, co-founder of <a href="http://www.moveon.org/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MoveOn.org</span></a> and Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, an award-winning author and consultant on environment policy. Also, I was curious; </span><blockquote><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I wondered, is their initiative likely to further the divide between mothers and non-mothers in the workplace?</span><br /></span></blockquote><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">In my humble opinion, the answer is yes, and no.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Most of what is advocated in <em>The Motherhood Manifesto</em> are changes that would benefit all: Flex-time, benefits for part-time workers, more paid vacation or sick time, minimum "living" wage, and equal pay for equal work.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Where it gets prickly is the instances where the push for maternal/paternal leave, after school programs, affordable childcare, and universal healthcare for kids (just for kids??) may leave childless workers with valueless benefits; benefits which, essentially, they pay for in sweat and are an important part of their compensation package.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">The book exposes some very frightening facts, including the fact that families with kids are three times more likely to be forced into medical bankruptcy. But when you think about it, of course, it makes sense; the more people you have in your household the greater chance one of them will have a illness leading to catastrophic, impossible, medical bills. Parents by virtue of their choice to raise a family expose themselves to any number of risks, including sleep deprivation, severe stress, and—in the case of mothers who take time off to raise a family—loss of seniority and promotion opportunities, resulting in serious long-term loss of income.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">I sympathize. The current U.S. work culture is not friendly to working moms, Americans pay far too much for health care and insurance, and I believe employers can do more to help the next generation and those who care for them. However, I think in the spirit of fairness and sound economics, benefits should be doled out in value units and the worker should have a menu of benefits and be invited to choose those which would benefit them the most. The parent might choose subsidized day care or flex time, the childfree and empty-nesters might choose affordable long-term health insurance, or paid time off to volunteer or tend to elder-care duties.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">I once took a job which required me to travel state-wide. Some days it would take me two to three hours to get home. This situation forced me to drop my volunteer work as a tutor at an after school program. I would have loved paid time off for my volunteer work, but no dice. I was a part-time consultant. No benefits.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Clearly, there are shared objectives if these types of advocacy efforts can be more inclusive. So I was happy to see that on page 72 of the <span style="font-style: italic;">Motherhood Manifesto</span>, in a sidebar titled <em>It’s Not Just Mothers</em>, John de Graff (who directed the <span style="font-style: italic;">Motherhood Manifesto</span> film and is the National Coordinator of <a href="http://www.timeday.org/">Take Back Your Time</a>) acknowledge that moms, dads, singles, and couples are all suffering from "time poverty," pointing out: <blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">"The average American works nine weeks—350 hours—more each year than the average Western European."</span></blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Time…aaah; time for leisure, time for family, time for sanity and health. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Now that’s something we can all get behind.<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/edtwilight77/2127466588/?addedcomment=1#comment72157604003239083">edtwilight77</a> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/deed.en"><span style="font-weight: bold;">cc</span></a>)<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-18145016644272108062008-02-21T10:02:00.004-05:002008-02-21T10:09:57.223-05:00Less Fulfulling?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R72T77Gn-rI/AAAAAAAAAlc/ROAr0hPVRJE/s1600-h/Career+Woman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R72T77Gn-rI/AAAAAAAAAlc/ROAr0hPVRJE/s400/Career+Woman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169450604978240178" border="0" /></a><span style="">by <span style="font-weight: bold;">Shelley</span><br />Regular Contributor to <span style="font-style: italic;">Purple Women & Friends</span><br /><br />As a childfree woman who has been blessed with a fulfilling career, I have often been the subject of erroneous assumptions that I am choosing money and prestige over children. Anyone who knows me well enough to judge understands that my reasons for not having children are primarily spiritual and have nothing to do with my job. The whole “selfish” accusation is bored and tired, so I refuse to be bothered by the ignorance and close-mindedness of others.<br /><br />However, I find it considerably more difficult to keep my cool when people take it one step further and imply that my childfree status somehow cheapens my accomplishments. I have nearly bitten a hole through my tongue as I’ve sat and listed to bitter co-workers imply that if I had kids like them and the playing field was level, I wouldn’t be more successful than anyone else.<br /><br />What a pathetic concept. It’s just as bad as the runner who postures that he would’ve come in first place instead of second if his shoe hadn’t come untied. <blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Why on earth do some people think it’s okay to make their children convenient excuses for life’s disappointments? </span></blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span> And what does that do to the poor kids? I’m sure it can’t be good for the ol’ self esteem to hear Mom on the phone telling her pals that if it wasn’t for Junior here, that promotion would’ve been hers. It’s seriously sad.<br /><br />I would never disparage any woman for taking a break from her career to focus on her children – it’s a decision I respect and can appreciate. However, I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for taking advantage of opportunities that arise in the meantime. The Corporate world is tough enough for women, and we only make it worse when we turn on each other.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/maxedaperture/1413953951/">maxedaperture</a> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/deed.en"><span style="font-weight: bold;">cc</span></a>)<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-44529478964192681482008-02-18T11:36:00.000-05:002008-02-19T11:25:55.990-05:00The Influence of Culture<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R7r-8LGn-qI/AAAAAAAAAlU/Cn7qH5veE_I/s1600-h/Tribal+Woman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R7r-8LGn-qI/AAAAAAAAAlU/Cn7qH5veE_I/s320/Tribal+Woman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" border="0" /></a><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">I have been researching and writing about the childless by choice in North America for four years. </span>One thing I have learned is many of us are pressured to have kids, or stigmatized because we don’t, because of the culture in which we live.<br /><blockquote>The culture may be a mixture of religion, race, family, or tradition, but the results are the same. Our decision making and our coping mechanisms are influenced by our culture.</blockquote>I recently signed a book deal with Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group, to write a book on the Childless by Choice in North America. Yesterday I was working on a chapter in which I profile couples who have arrived at their decision to remain childfree in very different ways. The couples I interviewed are a very diverse group. Some are children of immigrants from India and the Middle East, some are atheists, some are lapsed Catholics, some are devout Jews. Each of them has found their own unique way of navigating what is very often a pronatalist culture.<br /><br />As a young black woman, how do you remain childfree in a culture where fathering a child is considered a critical rite of passage for most of the young males of your race? Do you date outside your race, do you remain single or celibate, or do you defend yourself by arming yourself with condoms and praying he knows how to use one, or by going to your doctor and begging for a tubal ligation?<br /><br />If you are an observant Jew do you pass as infertile, do you isolate yourself, do you lie when asked why you haven’t done your part to produce a child for the tribe. The future of Israel is at stake!<br /><br />It’s tough. So tough in fact that I have yet to meet an observant, orthodox Jewish woman who is intentionally childless, or a African American couple who remained childfree through a lasting, fertile marriage or partnership. I know they exist. They are out there, I’m sure of it. It’s just that I have not met them, even though I have worked and lived along side orthodox Jews and I have mentored young black women.<br /><br />Fortunately, I have had the pleasure of knowing so many others, who despite being raised in a culture that assumed parenthood for all their members, became one of the few who resisted the pressure, based on a hard-won sense of who they were and what they truly wanted. (<a href="http://www.childlessbychoiceproject.com/Childless_by_choice_book.html">Click here </a>for a short excerpt of a Mexican couple who did just that.)<br /><br />The decision to remain childfree is not made in a vacuum. You may be caucasian, 5th generation American, atheist, and surrounded by childless and childfree siblings and friends, but you probably still had a parent who hoped for a grandchild one day; who said, <blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">"You would be a good parent if you just put your mind to it."</span></blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><span style=""><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">[Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/bunny//">Stephanie Booth</a> - <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/deed.en"><span style="font-weight: bold;">cc</span></a>]<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><span style=""></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-16459105989164028262008-02-17T11:17:00.000-05:002008-02-19T11:26:21.458-05:00Family Friendly<span style="">As a Purple Woman, (hint: I am childfree) I consider myself both kid friendly and family friendly. The term family-friendly has been used is a synonym for kid-friendly. Have you noticed?<br /><br />I just had to jot this funny down and share it with you. As my husband and I were traveling up north to go camping overnight, we passed a billboard sign that claimed a certain venue was the most "family-friendly" of it's kind. My husband, said "Well, I guess we don't need to stay there."<br /><br />It sure isn't the way to target market to the childfree among us now is it? We are the ones that tend to travel in the less busy times, not during Spring Break for example. And, we don't have to wait for summer to plan our week-long holiday. Call it a perk.<br /><br />Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> will also appreciate the latest article by <span style="font-weight: bold;">Married No Kids</span> editor Kim Kenney, <a href="http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art55492.asp/zzz">Kids at Concerts</a>. Tell it like it is <span style="font-style: italic;">girl</span>!<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-25804495189291142752008-02-08T18:39:00.001-05:002008-02-28T10:07:13.731-05:00The Environmental Motive<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R8bOFrGn-xI/AAAAAAAAAmM/6wCnPMAcdGk/s1600-h/Green+Calalily.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R8bOFrGn-xI/AAAAAAAAAmM/6wCnPMAcdGk/s400/Green+Calalily.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172047818946771730" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Are we motivated by environmental concerns to remain childfree? Some of us are. <span style="font-style: italic;">The Daily Mail</span> recently published an article titled<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=495495&in_page_id=1879">:</a><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=495495&in_page_id=1879">Meet The Women Who Won't Have Babies - Because They're Not Eco Friendly.<br /></a><br />These women, living in the U.K., were compelled to seek sterilization to ensure they would never give birth to another consumer. They felt this was one thing they could do to help reduce their environmental footprint and save the planet.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Toni, 35, who works at an environmental charity, had to go doctor shopping to get sterilized at 27 years old. She did so with the full support of her soon-to-be husband and she has no regrets:<br />"Every person who is born uses more food, more water, more land, more fossil fuels, more trees and produces more rubbish, more pollution, more greenhouse gases, and adds to the problem of over-population."<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Not everyone can understand this rationale, as Toni came to realize: "a woman like me, who is not having children in order to save the planet, is considered barking mad."<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">So, are we nuts to point to environmental concerns to justify our choice to remain childfree?<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/patty_colmer/1002159811/?addedcomment=1#comment72157604003375281">patty_colmer</a> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en"><span style="font-weight: bold;">cc</span></a>)<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-4599707881130576632008-02-08T09:55:00.001-05:002008-02-28T10:11:55.835-05:00Animal Kingdom<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R8bPFbGn-yI/AAAAAAAAAmU/d2MOXLZoBPw/s1600-h/Girraffe.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R8bPFbGn-yI/AAAAAAAAAmU/d2MOXLZoBPw/s400/Girraffe.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172048914163432226" border="0" /></a><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><span style="font-size:78%;"><sup>TM</sup></span>, Would you have attended a discussion described below?<br /></span><blockquote><span style="font-size:100%;">"Like the rest of the animal kingdom, perhaps our only true purpose in life is to reproduce, and then devote our lives to the rearing of our offspring. Parenting is promoted by economists, church leaders and our own innate desires. But is there a dark side?<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >Jacques Costeau once said virtually every problem now facing humanity can be traced to over-population. </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Indeed, over-fishing, global warming, pollution, deforestation can all be attributed to too many people pursuing too few resources.<br /><br />So, does the world need more children? And is having children yourself an act of selflessness, or selfishness? Come join this malthusian discussion on what it means to have children."<br /></span></blockquote>This topic was presented by the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Commonwealth Club of San Francisco</span> on Tuesday, February 5th, 7:00 p.m. If anyone reading this blog attended and would like to give us a review, it would be a most welcome Guest Post.<br /><br />They did put up a blog post on their site, with a general overview of how the debate went: <a href="http://www.sfdebate.org/debates/.php"><span style="font-style: italic;">This House Believes it's Selfish to Have Children</span></a>. Not so surprising given our liberal-minded corner of the U.S.<br /><span style=""><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/29896419@N00/2253131829/?addedcomment=1#comment72157604003389965">hi_dr_rat</a> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/deed.en"><span style="font-weight: bold;">cc</span></a>)<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-33385529258858785972008-02-08T09:03:00.000-05:002008-02-08T09:53:38.434-05:00Childfree Catholic - Revisted<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R6xsdAyLULI/AAAAAAAAAkk/iMo3jlx4FKc/s1600-h/Cross+for+Blog.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 266px; height: 305px;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R6xsdAyLULI/AAAAAAAAAkk/iMo3jlx4FKc/s400/Cross+for+Blog.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5164622118369579186" border="0" /></a><span style="">I was reminded that we just may be doing something important here, by way of sharing stories, experiences, and information, when I re-read the thoughtful comments on an older post. Even though I published it months ago, it just got a new comment this week. The topic is still valid.<br /><br />Here is one in particular by <span style="font-weight: bold;">Coffeine </span>that stood out for me:<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-size:130%;">"An update and shout-out to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Teri </span>and <span style="font-weight: bold;">WordWench</span>. I recently, after 29 years and my last post, parted ways with the Catholic Church, as it was getting in the way of my relationship with God.<br /><br />It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know it was the right thing to do. The dogma, politics and female-repressiveness just became too much. Especially when, in an effort to find some sort of counsel, I approached several priests, including my parish priest, with my "childfree by choice" stance, questioning the free will and internal conscience in the eyes of the Church and God.<br /><br />Apparently, in the eyes of the Church, those reasons --internal conscience, knowing yourself -- are not good enough. One priest said that he doubted the validity of my marriage in the Church, because I married knowing I might not want children and he even suggested annulment.<br /><br />I had the "Be fruitful and multiply" line tossed out at me on several occasions, with no one viewing it as a possible blessing rather than a command to breed. I left the Church and its man-obsessed dogma and took God with me. I have never felt closer to the Holy Spirit and able to focus fully on God in my own way.<br /><br />God and the Church are two entirely different entities from one another, moving in two different directions. In my parting ways from the Church,<br /><br />I too, have just started a childfree, recovering Catholic blog, <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://craftingtheschism.blogspot.com/">Crafting the Schism</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> - Finding God Outside the Catholic Churchianity</span>.<br /><br />Thank you, Purple Women, for leading the charge and putting this topic up for discussion. God Bless!"</span><br /></blockquote><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><sup><small>TM</small></sup> -- we learn from each other.<br /><br />Read all the comments: <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://purplewomenblog.blogspot.com/2007/04/married-childfree-catholic.html">Married Childfree Catholic</a>. I want to thank everyone who commented on this difficult and personal topic. I very much appreciate the elevated level of the conversation on this post. Together, we have created a safe space to explore the sometimes volatile topic of being a woman and being child<span style="font-style: italic;">free</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Flickr </span>Photo courtesy of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Nina`H</span> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/deed.en">cc</a>).<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-35984856737662046722008-01-28T12:37:00.001-05:002008-01-28T12:39:19.827-05:00Never Be Bingoed Again<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> always need some extra social ammo when getting bingoed in public and in social settings. Britgirl has an excellent compilation post this week: <a href="http://thebritgirl.com/2008/01/28/the-childfree-bingoes-revisited"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Childfree Bingoes - Revisited</span></a>.<br /><br />She is a Brit living in Toronto. I am pleased to tell you I know her personally!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-79360672644624713402008-01-28T10:26:00.001-05:002008-01-29T08:51:05.847-05:00Something Seasonal<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R54J7gyLUJI/AAAAAAAAAkU/So6LWNzGaos/s1600-h/Teri+Head+and+Shoulders+2007.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R54J7gyLUJI/AAAAAAAAAkU/So6LWNzGaos/s200/Teri+Head+and+Shoulders+2007.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5160573141030490258" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">I have been half-starting blog posts in my head for three weeks now. You may have wondered if I was ever going to write again. I have not been feeling very <span style="font-style: italic;">childfree </span>lately. I've been under the weather, and let me tell you, we are having some weather right now in California -- okay, okay, just a little rain!<br /><br />I think that from the time I started this blog to present day I have been on an evolution of Self. I have come to terms with that part of myself that is very obvious to everyone who meets me. I am a woman without children. It makes people wonder. I take time to get to know. I did a lot of reading (see our compilation post on all the <a href="http://purplewomenblog.blogspot.com/2006/09/childfree-book-reviews.html">childfree genre book reviews</a>) during this time. I suspect that turning 40 was a bigger deal that I was willing to admit at the time.<br /><br />I suspect that every woman who remains childfree, for whatever reason, will go through a similar transformation. Those who choose this path early, often called early articulators, will have a different story. We all do. This is one area one does not want to make assumptions, yet people often do. I am acutely aware of how different my life is compared to most childed women around me. It was not easy in my thirties, let's call them the early married years. There were expectations then; I am decidedly outside of the mainstream in my family choices. Being childfree is reflected in almost every aspect of my life, some parts are simply more visible than others. Now I am hanging out with women whose children are grown.<br /><br />("Write something seasonal Teri -- write <span style="font-style: italic;">something</span>!") We celebrated Christmas our way this year. Mostly, we have shuttled from family home to family home since we've been married. It was nice to be in our home for a change. We hosted close friends, a couple from Atlanta, my adopted Italian grandma, and an old high school chum. It made for some interesting conversation in the kitchen and at the dinner table. We went for a hike, laughed and told old stories to new listeners. It's not all about the kids for us. Our tree was an outdoor tree with colored lights and the good decorations stayed in the box this year. The halls were decked minimally and I am still trying to put all of it away. I didn't wrap a single gift. The gifts where stacked in the hallway, in the brown UPS boxes they came in, labeled "to" and "from". We splurged on our home-cooked food and focused on our guests.<br /><br />As we approach Valentine's Day I've been reflecting on the fact that we have not planned anything, and I cannot remember the last time we took a week-long vacation together. Trying to figure out how to celebrate our 10th anniversary this year has been torturous. We've always been more of a "weekend-get-away" couple. Our spontaneity sometimes gets in the way of proper social planning. It is a real challenge for us. Not unlike our childed counterparts, we find many demands on our time. Perhaps demand is too strong a word. A child's schedule is demanding; we feel pulled in many directions. We have the family "must attend" functions, and we have hobbies and seasons to our lives. For my husband it is hunting season, deer and duck. For me it is opera season, and the two months up to a performance are busy indeed now that I have joined the "working board" of the local company. I have always been one to make commitments as a volunteer. It connects me to my community, wherever I happen to be. If I was there for more than a year, I was volunteering. For me, it is part social strategy. Volunteering is a great way to make new friends and feel significant. You matter when you are a volunteer.<br /><br />Although we have no plans for Valentine's Day, I feel we have more than a little romance in our relationship. It has been a long time since we have had a long weekend, or a non-work related trip. We have uninterrupted dinners together almost every night, sometimes I even light candles. On weekends, we read the paper to each other over brunch. We say "please" and "thank you" and "I love you" often. We have every day romance. I don't mind that my husband may be away on a business trip on February 14th. We still hold hands in public.<br /><br />I realized that today, compared to when I started this blog, I am in a different emotional place. Last weekend, I was invited to cake and coffee at our neighbor's house. I had not yet met the neighbors across the street and was pleased to know they would be coming too. Both of them, as it turns out, are retired school teachers. The first comment the wife made, after the obligatory "nice to finally meet you," was "I haven't seen any children." I simply confirmed, "We don't have children," and let it hang a moment as if it needed no explanation. Luckily, we had plenty of other things to talk about. "How do you keep gophers out of a garden?" "Will the city allow you to re-open the strawberry patch ?" A rousing conversation of gardening and local politics ensued.<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-40461230898237700862008-01-22T13:36:00.001-05:002008-01-29T08:42:41.817-05:00Celebrity Baby Mania<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">By <span style="font-weight: bold;">LynnS</span><br />Regular Contributor<br />Ireland, U.K.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">. . .and What it Means for Childfree Women</span><br /><br />Okay, </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">. . .I have a challenge for you! Open any newspaper or magazine, browse any Internet gossip site. See if you can find any articles, interviews or pictures regarding celebrity moms and their pregnancies or babies.<br /><br />That wasn't much of a challenge at all, was it?<br /><br />We live in a celebrity-obsessed culture, no doubt about that. So is this fascination with celebrity babies a harmless offshoot? Or is there a more disturbing implication? And what does it mean for childfree women?<br /><br />Articles about who's "infanticipating" and "yummy mummies" abound. We're bombarded by up-to-the-minute reports about every single detail of celebrity reproduction, no matter how trivial or boring or personal: weight gain, pregnancy cravings, who's trying for a baby, who may be pregnant, who was "too posh to push" and who wasn't.<br /><br />My head will explode if I have to read another gushing article along the lines of "Motherhood is the best thing that's ever happened to me/it's the most unconditional love you'll ever feel/I loved being pregnant/I was wearing my size zero jeans three weeks later/I cycled home after the birth," etc. (Okay, so I exaggerated the last part but at the rate things are going, it wouldn't shock me).<br /><br />So why does this obsession with celebrity pregnancies and babies bother me so much? Shouldn't I just dismiss it as superficial-yet-harmless fluff? Can't I tell myself it doesn't affect me and forget about it?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Except it isn't harmless. And it's a fantasy that's portrayed as reality - with insidious, far reaching consequences. I'm willing to bet that the average woman's experience of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood is a million miles away from the way it's portrayed in glossy magazines.</span><br /></blockquote>How many times have you read an article speculating as to whether or not a female celebrity is pregnant? The speculation seems almost frenzied if the woman does not have children. It never seems to occur to anyone that maybe said celebrity is perfectly happy and likes her life just the way it is.<br /><br />How many times have you read an article referring to a female celebrity, no matter how successful and significant in her field, as mother of (insert number of children here).<br /><br />As if that is all she is. As if that is all that matters. As if woman automatically equals mother.<br /><br />The underlying message seems to be: it doesn't matter how successful you've been. Life has no real meaning or value unless you reproduce. You'll never be truly happy or fulfilled until you do. Oscar-winning actress? Nobel Prize winner? Astronaut? CEO of a Fortune 500 company? That pales in comparison to what society considers your real worth, your greatest achievement: your ability and willingness to reproduce.<br /><br />In 2008, is the most interesting, worthwhile, laudable thing about a woman her womb? And that is what I find so disturbing.<br /><br />This has implications for childfree women, too. Most </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"> know what it's like to feel isolated from time to time. Chances are, we've all thought "Am I the only woman in the world who doesn't want children?" when yet another friend/relative/colleague announces their pregnancy. We've all probably found ourselves in work and social situations where we're the only women in the room who don't have or want children.<br /><br />Most </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"> know what it's like to feel dismissed or belittled from time to time. The myth that a childfree woman is less mature and less responsible, less feminine even, than a childed woman persists. All this celebrity baby mania means that a childfree woman is isolated and dismissed even further.<br /><br />I'm stating the obvious, I know, but </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Purple Women<sup><small>TM</small></sup> </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"> are savvy enough to understand that motherhood has always been romanticized. The thing is, motherhood is practically a fetish now and that should concern us, because there's something frighteningly regressive about it.<br /><br />It's very worrying that this celebrity baby mania/mother worship is happening now - at a time when women's reproductive rights are coming under increased attack on a global basis.<br /><br />Coincidence? I think not.<br /><br />So what can we do?<br /><br />First, I think that we can take a step in the right direction simply by casting an objective eye over the portrayal of celebrity motherhood/celebrity baby obsession. Let's recognize it for what it is: idealized fantasy. We are not media dupes, after all.<br /><br />The harsh reality of what pregnancy, birth and motherhood can do to a woman's mind and body is not what sells magazines. Most of the general public are not interested in that - they want and expect the Hallmark card, not the real thing.<br /><br />So the next time you come across a "Kodak moment" article or picture tell yourself that it's exactly that.<br /></span><ul style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"><li><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">We can remind ourselves that giving birth does not mean you will become automatically whole and wise and instantly adjust to the role of mother.</span></span></li><li><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Happiness and satisfaction will not be achieved by caving to societal pressure. </span></span></li><li><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Happiness and satisfaction will be achieved by staying true to ourselves.</span></span></li></ul><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Then again, if you're a Purple Woman, you already know that.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:78%;" >Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-44466952596510578172008-01-09T16:27:00.000-05:002008-01-09T16:32:19.198-05:00A week with a five year old<span style="color:#330033;">One of my very best friends, her partner, and their five-year-old son visited last week. I looked forward to giving the little boy a few swimming lessons, teaching him a thing or two about or regional wildlife. Instead, he taught me a few things, like:<br /><br />Food and drink can only be enjoyed if it is slurped or crunched loudly.<br /><br />Kids can enjoy salads for lunch but only if they’ve never seen the inside of a McDonalds.<br /><br />One of the most fearsome creatures that ever roamed the earth was a giant sloth.<br /><br />I don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to penguins.<br /><br />Manipulation is an art form.<br /><br />Santa sucks.<br /><br />And, I am definitely NOT smarter than a five year old.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;color:#330033;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><span style="color:#330033;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-16804519551821873592008-01-04T11:20:00.000-05:002008-01-04T11:32:26.563-05:00The Flip Side<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R35fQayqzcI/AAAAAAAAAjY/oCz2Xw6QsXA/s1600-h/Woman+on+Leash.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R35fQayqzcI/AAAAAAAAAjY/oCz2Xw6QsXA/s400/Woman+on+Leash.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151659759432814018" border="0" /></a><span style="">By <span style="font-weight: bold;">LynnS</span><br />Regular Contributor<br />Ireland, U.K.<br /><br />Several years ago, I had a conversation with a young woman on a train that I've never forgotten. We began chatting in that curiously intimate way strangers sometimes do when traveling. It wasn't the happiest time of my life - I was getting over an engagement that I'd broken but that didn't make it any easier. There were quite a few reasons for the break up: for one, I simply wasn't ready to marry. I'd noticed a controlling, jealous streak in him that worried me. Back then, I didn't know who I was. (In fact, I would reach my 30s before I did). There was one reason, though, that set the seal on my decision to call it off: <blockquote><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I had always known I never wanted children and I had made that clear to him.</span></span></blockquote><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span> He would make patronizing remarks like "you'll change your mind when you're older" despite my repeated insistence that I wouldn't. He couldn't seem to wrap his head round the fact that I had not the slightest desire to reproduce.<br /><br />I wasn't prepared to compromise. I definitely wasn't prepared to spend my life with someone who would disregard my feelings and who seemed more interested in going along with society's expectations than examining the reasons why he wanted children. So I called the engagement off. Shortly afterwards, I got chatting to this young woman who I'll refer to as K.<br /><br />K had a two-year-old daughter, despite the fact that she'd never wanted children. She told me that she'd, quote "caved in" unquote and had a child. Her husband and her mother pressured her and society had done the rest. K knew almost immediately she'd made a mistake. She hated being pregnant and said that she didn't appreciate how her body was her own until then. The thought of giving birth terrified her. When her daughter was born, everyone was delighted - except her. "I felt nothing towards her. She didn't even feel like mine. I thought it was the baby blues and it'd get better but I still feel detached from her two years on."<br /><br />I told K that I never wanted children. K was supportive of my choice and said it was an equally valid one and should be respected. (If the term 'childfree' was around then, I hadn't heard of it).She freely admitted she envied me and warned me to stick to my guns and "not to give in to pressure like I did. If I could turn back the clock, I would." K felt that nobody ever tells women the truth about motherhood. <blockquote><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">She told me that she felt she no longer had an identity or independence. Her husband, especially, did not seem to view her as an equal partner or a person in her own right.</span></span></blockquote><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span> K went through the motions of caring for her daughter, saying "I put up a good front but I feel like I'm living a lie."<br /><br />Listening to her, I felt sad and angry. She succumbed to pressure, yes, but how unfair that that massive pressure was placed on her in the first place. I sensed she was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and shame and probably had no one to confide in. I think she was able to talk so openly and honestly with me because she knew I would not judge her. I hope I was able to help a little.<br /><br />This is the flip side of the coin we never hear about, I remember thinking. K seemed to feel so alone but I bet she's not.<br /><br />We got off the train and said goodbye. I never did see her again. I've thought about her from time to time and wondered how she's doing.<br /><br />I'm grateful we met, though. I'd been second-guessing myself about my broken engagement and I'd been feeling irrationally guilty for refusing to have children. Meeting K cleansed me of that. Whenever I'm bingoed, I remember her because I know if I'd gone with the societal flow I'd be walking in her shoes.<br /><br />I'm convinced we met for a reason. I learned an invaluable lesson that day.<br /><br />Listen to your instincts. If you're in any doubt about having children - don't.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Flickr photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/malingering/">Malingering</a> (<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/deed.en">cc</a>)<br />Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-38026007950050184062008-01-01T10:27:00.000-05:002008-01-01T10:38:05.382-05:00Do I Want to Be a Mom?<span style="color:#330033;">A simple question right? For this generation, maybe so.<br /><br />But for our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, it is quite likely this question never crossed their minds.<br /><br />This reality was brought home to me in a casual conversation with my mother over this holiday week. We were remembering my grandmother who passed away roughly ten years ago. Born in Poland, she was a very strong and determined woman who survived wars, near starvation, and the loss of her family home and business.<br /><br />My mother lamented that at my grandmother’s funeral people stood up and spoke mainly about my grandmother’s devotion to the church and family. A woman who knew her as a much younger woman was not able to speak that day. If she had, she would have told the assembled crowd about a woman who was an accomplished horsewoman, a woman who ran the family business in her early teens while her ailing mother barked orders from her sickbed, a woman who used her smarts and her powerful determination to navigate through the worst atrocities of World War II.<br /><br />My mother, acknowledging the whole spectrum of her own mother’s experience and personality, remarked, “If she would have been born in today's world she would have been childless and running her own business.”<br /><br />My grandmother was born close to a hundred years ago. She had eight children.</span><br /><span style="color:#330033;"><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;color:#330033;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><span style="color:#330033;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-76543786164817022932007-12-24T09:42:00.000-05:002007-12-28T10:22:06.123-05:00The Common Ground<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R2_V4ayqzbI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/YqawNhZyDnw/s1600-h/NK+East+Bay.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_7jhyF7Pep6E/R2_V4ayqzbI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/YqawNhZyDnw/s400/NK+East+Bay.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" border="0" /></a><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><sup><small>TM</small></sup> new to this blog and parents alike may be surprised at its tone when they first discover it. We have been blogging on a controversial topic of "being a childfree woman" for going on three years now. It's a topic that draws extreme points of view on a very personal and sometimes controversial choice, to child or not to child. We explore the topic with tact, reason and some grace and we hope it supports and enlightens those who land here. All are welcome, that's why we call it Purple Women <span style="font-weight: bold;">&</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Friends</span>.<br /></span><span style=""><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><blockquote>It's perhaps too easy to focus on what separates us.</blockquote></span></span></div><span style=""><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span><span style="">Women empower themselves by acknowledging their choice to remain childfree, regardless of what circumstances, or at what age they make the choice. As time goes on we realize we must arm ourselves against the thoughtless comments of others, and sometimes our own family. If we are really skilled, we develop a sense of humor about it (I truly believe it's the best defense of a lifestyle choice that should need no defending.)<br /><br />As our friends have kids, we have to change our expectations about those friendships and put some thought into the structure of our social life, one that will not revolve around the school year, unless we enroll, or become an educator ourselves.<br /><br />Parents deserve our respect, support and understanding. Sometimes they just need a "wider berth" to get through the difficult years with younger children. Have patience <span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><span style="font-size:78%;"><sup>TM</sup></span>, because it's really fun to reconnect with parents who have older kids. They are ready to socialize and have some adult fun again. They have served their time, focused on their kids and now they are ready to explore who they are again. People really connect on their common interests, not their family status, though parents of young kids are in a totally different social state.<br /><br />My husband and I moved to his home town in Northern California one year ago. I'll admit, I was a little nervous about being back in mainstream suburbia, (read my post about it: <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://purplewomenblog.blogspot.com/2007/04/purple-haze.html">Purple Haze</a>) but things are really working out okay. I started a <a href="http://www.nokidding.net/">No Kidding</a> chapter for my area and have also made a lot of friends by getting involved with the local opera company. We just hosted our first ever holiday party combining these two groups of friends in our new home and we were very pleased that our mix of interesting, artsy childed and childfree friends found each other so fascinating. It left me with the feeling that really we have more in common than not. It's perhaps too easy to focus on what separates us.<br /><br />The childfree path is the one we walk, but we are not alone, there are lots of potential friends along the way and they are not all child<span style="font-style: italic;">free</span>. On this topic, I would like to turn your attention to a beautiful post written by <span style="font-weight: bold;">AlphaGirl</span> about her best friend and mother of three grown kids: <a href="http://purplewomenblog.blogspot.com/2006/11/maria.html"><span style="font-style: italic;">Maria</span></a>. It is buried in the archives, and one of our best contributions. Please take a moment to read it.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-56345268845644622802007-12-22T09:59:00.000-05:002007-12-22T10:15:18.169-05:00Another Tip on How to Survive the Question<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49968232@N00/" id="fs_1" title="c"><img alt="c" src="http://static.flickr.com/2119/2049138063_9a5dd51760_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/59527290@N00/" id="fs_2" title="H/H&C Coffee"><img alt="H/H&C Coffee" src="http://static.flickr.com/1286/1338901709_66ce28d43b_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34427470616@N01/" id="fs_3" title="I"><img alt="I" src="http://static.flickr.com/1290/537712466_781216c142_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/18619970@N00/" id="fs_4" title=""L""><img alt="L" title="L" src="http://static.flickr.com/2410/2081303079_195283ef81_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/92709190@N00/" id="fs_5" title=""D""><img alt="D" title="D" src="http://static.flickr.com/2180/2019081628_4113ba4c8c_s.jpg" border="0" /><br /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/43522628@N00/" id="fs_7" title=""F""><img alt="F" title="F" src="http://static.flickr.com/1163/1340050779_3d749cde38_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49968232@N00/" id="fs_8" title="R"><img alt="R" src="http://static.flickr.com/2396/2049957384_0355189e9a_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/16324044@N00/" id="fs_9" title="E glowing"><img alt="E glowing" src="http://static.flickr.com/2217/2114840010_078fc2f86b_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49968232@N00/" id="fs_10" title=""E""><img alt="E" title="E" src="http://static.flickr.com/1084/1459609635_beb4ed83bc_s.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/95229107@N00/" id="fs_11" title="Caution!"><img alt="Caution!" src="http://static.flickr.com/34/99666329_d29b7c64ae_s.jpg" border="0" /></a></center><span style="">I always love it when someone new discovers our blog. A new <span style="font-weight: bold;">Purple Women</span><sup><small>TM</small></sup> reader blogging as </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/" target="_blank">Longing for Home</a> has left a new comment on our post titled "<a href="http://purplewomenblog.blogspot.com/2007/09/top-ten-tips.html" target="_blank">Top Ten Tips</a>":<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I know this is an old post but I just found your site...I'd love to use this response, but I doubt my sarcasm would be appreciated:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"We're planning on starting on kids when the padded, sound-proofed nursery is ready and we've finished interviewing nannies. Do you have any leads?" </span><br /></span></blockquote>Thanks for sharing. This is L.O.L.!<br /><span style=""><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16233914.post-49284305013079646042007-12-19T17:02:00.000-05:002007-12-19T17:16:15.322-05:00Oh, Just Grow Up!<span style="color:#330033;">People have told me I’m 'young at heart' and I take it as a compliment. But according to Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, it’s a moral flaw.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">When the media needs a quote from someone inclined to denounce the choice to remain childfree, they go to Mohler. Two years ago Dr. Mohler appeared on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360˚ in a debate with Madelyn Cain, author of <em>The Childless Revolution</em>, following a video segment of people talking about their reasons for remaining childless, including one childfree woman who was working as a nanny.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">In the debate, moderated by CNN correspondent Heidi Collins, Mohler had this to say:<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">MOHLER:…this is really about avoiding the responsibilities of parenthood. And I find that profoundly sad. You know, obviously, there is a tremendous moral point to be made here. These couples -- well, they have to be very thankful that their parents didn't make the same decision. And society depends upon parenthood and the raising of children being seen as a norm for married couples and as something that is of social value. </span><br /><span style="color:#330033;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">COLLINS: But, Albert, isn't it -- pardon the interruption. Isn't it dangerous to assume that everyone can be a good parent?</span><br /><span style="color:#330033;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">MOHLER: Well, you know, I think what is more dangerous is to assume that we're going to say that people can be adults, and be recognized as responsible adults, who don't even aspire to grow up, to be mature enough to have children. I mean, parenthood is a part of helping to create adults. We grow up by having our children. Without that responsibility we have a generation of perpetual adolescents, just growing old.<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#330033;"></span><span style="color:#330033;">Click here for the <a href="http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0512/15/acd.02.html">full transcript </a>of this show.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">Mohler’s not the only one who believes we need to have a kid or two to "be recognized as responsible adults." As Laura C pointed out in her <a href="http://childfreenews.blogspot.com/2007/10/do-you-need-children-to-grow-up.html">post</a> on Child-free.com, policy wonks and social scientists are struggling with the fact that the three steps to adulthood—employment, marriage, and procreation—are increasingly being delayed in the United States, forcing a reassessment of what were previously considered the normative milestones to adulthood.<br /><br />So what happens when you skip the having kids part?<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330033;">You tell us!</span><br /><span style="color:#330033;"><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;color:#330033;">Technorati Tag: </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/childfree" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:78%;">Childfree</span></a><br /></span><span style="color:#330033;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Purple Women are childfree! Everyone is welcome to blog here.</div>Laura S. Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11503359529542988850noreply@blogger.com17