Missing Out?

by Shelley
Regular Contributor
Purple Women & Friends

Tell a parent that you’re childfree, and chances are you’ll hear the timeless retort,

“You don’t know what you’re missing.” This comment exasperates me to no end, usually because I take it for what it is: a thinly veiled, critical judgment of my choices.

But as much as I dislike this loaded statement, I have to admit, there is a good chance I really might be missing out on something.

Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to love my own child. I love my husband more than anyone else in the world, so I try to relate how I’d feel about a child to how I feel about him. Our connection is so intense that sometimes it overwhelms me, and I think that losing him would be like losing myself.

Would my love for a child be similar? Or would it be even stronger, since the connection would be both physical and emotional?

I tend to think I couldn’t love my husband as fervently if I had to share my devotion with a child, but what if it doesn’t work that way? What if I was able to have two great loves in my life, and could have twice as much joy? Unfortunately there’s only one way to find out, and that’s quite a risk to take.

As much as I dislike society’s mystification of the bond between parent and child, I can’t deny that there must be something uniquely special about that connection. After all, even God used the father-son relationship to explain His love to the world. There’s something powerful there that I’ll never be able to experience.

Yes, I know that part of what I am “missing” involves loud unpleasant noises, in-depth contact with various bodily fluids, and a terrible restriction of personal freedom. No big loss there, that’s for sure. And for me, I don’t think there’s any other loss either.

I know that God doesn’t want me to have children, so that must mean He’s got something better in store for me. There must be something pretty special that parents are missing out on too.

Flickr photo by Mr.mt (cc)

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Against All Logic

by Shelley
Regular Contributor to Purple Women^TM

It is completely illogical for my husband and I not to have children. When people point this out to me I always agree, which tends to throw them for a loop. But I know they’re right.

My husband and I have a very strong Christ-centered marriage. We both have good jobs and have the financial resources to raise a child. My husband even has the option of taking a few years off to be a full-time dad. We don’t have any physical, mental, or emotional barriers that would affect our ability to parent. And we have an excellent network of family and friends who would provide a great source of support and strength. We’ve got the whole happy-family package, yet we will not have a child. Makes no sense.

And simply because it makes no sense, others in the Christian community are prone to assume that I am not following God’s will. I beg to differ.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

It doesn’t say anything about those plans being logical to the population at large.

I mean think about it – this is the God who told Noah to build an ark to prepare for a flood, at a time when the world had never even seen rain. The same God who enabled Joshua to defeat the walls of Jericho by having him march around the city a few times and yell really loud. If God did everything in a way that makes sense to us, we wouldn’t really need to trust Him. And if the world could be run on common sense alone, why would we really need God at all?

In a strange sort of way, when I don’t understand what God is doing with my life, I gain confidence that I am in His will. He’s never led me astray, and I have no reason to doubt Him now. After all, He’s simply asking me not to procreate – if plans for an ark mysteriously show up in my mailbox, then I’ll start panicking.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Welcome Shelley

Please help me welcome Shelley to the Purple Women^TM site as our newest Regular Contributor. Shelley is new to blogging, but seems to be a natural, and we can all be jealous that she is still 20-something!

She is employed as a Human Resources Manager and describes herself as a Southern girl trying to “embrace her Faith without shutting off her brain.” She says she tries to lead a practical Christian life in the Bible Belt with her husband of 7 years. They have recently decided that the only “children” she will ever have will be the furry four-legged variety. Her current fur-kids include a kitty named Tillman and a retired racing Greyhound, Bowman. The 1st person who can figure out why these pet names are significant and leave a comment gets a "Purple Woman!" button. Post your guesses here.

Shelley and her husband lead a home group, their church’s version of Sunday School for other young couples without children, and they provided the encouragement she needed to start the blogging journey with End of the Tunnel. Please welcome Shelley to our Purple space in the blogosphere!


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Just Be Yourself

by Shelley
Regular Contributor to PW&F
Personal Blog: End of the Tunnel

You’ve heard it a million times – whether you’re getting ready for a first date, preparing for a job interview, or meeting the future in-laws, someone always offers the sage advice to “just be yourself.”

This is probably the world’s most widely used adage, and it sounds so simple on the surface. But when people give this advice, do they really understand what they’re saying?

Because if you’re truly being yourself, you are guaranteed to irritate, offend, or otherwise alienate someone along the way. What is pleasing to one person will grate on the next person’s nerves. Everyone will not always agree with you. And worst of all, you will eventually commit the cardinal sin of going against the flow.

As a childfree Christian, I feel the ramifications of being myself most strongly in traditional church environments. It seems that church folk encourage you to be yourself…“unless.”

For example, “Be yourself, unless you don’t like the way we do things around here.” We’re “family” oriented, so if you’re uncomfortable participating in programs orchestrated around parents and children, you’d best keep your mouth shut and do it anyway. And for heaven’s sake, stick with the prescribed “Christian” lifestyle. A woman who’s uninterested in motherhood is misguided and sad – a child is the only thing that will make you truly happy, and if you choose not to have one, you surely aren’t following the will of God.

When it comes right down to it, what people really want is for you to be like them. Because if you are finding fulfillment by doing things differently, that just might mean that they are the ones who could have made better choices. And where Christians are concerned, I think sometimes instead of deepening our relationship with God to find confidence that we have chosen the right path, we instead find that comfort in the fact that everyone else is doing the same things as us.

Romans 14:22 says, “Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.”

My husband and I believe children are not in God’s will for our lives, and we strive to ensure our thoughts and actions mirror that belief. I rejoice in being myself, because even if others don’t understand, I know God approves!


Flickr photo by geopollock (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree