Family Friendly

As a Purple Woman, (hint: I am childfree) I consider myself both kid friendly and family friendly. The term family-friendly has been used is a synonym for kid-friendly. Have you noticed?

I just had to jot this funny down and share it with you. As my husband and I were traveling up north to go camping overnight, we passed a billboard sign that claimed a certain venue was the most "family-friendly" of it's kind. My husband, said "Well, I guess we don't need to stay there."

It sure isn't the way to target market to the childfree among us now is it? We are the ones that tend to travel in the less busy times, not during Spring Break for example. And, we don't have to wait for summer to plan our week-long holiday. Call it a perk.

Purple Women^TM will also appreciate the latest article by Married No Kids editor Kim Kenney, Kids at Concerts. Tell it like it is girl!


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Animal Kingdom

Purple Women^TM, Would you have attended a discussion described below?

"Like the rest of the animal kingdom, perhaps our only true purpose in life is to reproduce, and then devote our lives to the rearing of our offspring. Parenting is promoted by economists, church leaders and our own innate desires. But is there a dark side?

Jacques Costeau once said virtually every problem now facing humanity can be traced to over-population. Indeed, over-fishing, global warming, pollution, deforestation can all be attributed to too many people pursuing too few resources.

So, does the world need more children? And is having children yourself an act of selflessness, or selfishness? Come join this malthusian discussion on what it means to have children."

This topic was presented by the Commonwealth Club of San Francisco on Tuesday, February 5th, 7:00 p.m. If anyone reading this blog attended and would like to give us a review, it would be a most welcome Guest Post.

They did put up a blog post on their site, with a general overview of how the debate went: This House Believes it's Selfish to Have Children. Not so surprising given our liberal-minded corner of the U.S.

Flickr photo by hi_dr_rat (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Never Be Bingoed Again

Purple Women^TM always need some extra social ammo when getting bingoed in public and in social settings. Britgirl has an excellent compilation post this week: The Childfree Bingoes - Revisited.

She is a Brit living in Toronto. I am pleased to tell you I know her personally!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

The Common Ground

Purple Women^TM new to this blog and parents alike may be surprised at its tone when they first discover it. We have been blogging on a controversial topic of "being a childfree woman" for going on three years now. It's a topic that draws extreme points of view on a very personal and sometimes controversial choice, to child or not to child. We explore the topic with tact, reason and some grace and we hope it supports and enlightens those who land here. All are welcome, that's why we call it Purple Women & Friends.

It's perhaps too easy to focus on what separates us.

Women empower themselves by acknowledging their choice to remain childfree, regardless of what circumstances, or at what age they make the choice. As time goes on we realize we must arm ourselves against the thoughtless comments of others, and sometimes our own family. If we are really skilled, we develop a sense of humor about it (I truly believe it's the best defense of a lifestyle choice that should need no defending.)

As our friends have kids, we have to change our expectations about those friendships and put some thought into the structure of our social life, one that will not revolve around the school year, unless we enroll, or become an educator ourselves.

Parents deserve our respect, support and understanding. Sometimes they just need a "wider berth" to get through the difficult years with younger children. Have patience Purple Women^TM, because it's really fun to reconnect with parents who have older kids. They are ready to socialize and have some adult fun again. They have served their time, focused on their kids and now they are ready to explore who they are again. People really connect on their common interests, not their family status, though parents of young kids are in a totally different social state.

My husband and I moved to his home town in Northern California one year ago. I'll admit, I was a little nervous about being back in mainstream suburbia, (read my post about it: Purple Haze) but things are really working out okay. I started a No Kidding chapter for my area and have also made a lot of friends by getting involved with the local opera company. We just hosted our first ever holiday party combining these two groups of friends in our new home and we were very pleased that our mix of interesting, artsy childed and childfree friends found each other so fascinating. It left me with the feeling that really we have more in common than not. It's perhaps too easy to focus on what separates us.

The childfree path is the one we walk, but we are not alone, there are lots of potential friends along the way and they are not all childfree. On this topic, I would like to turn your attention to a beautiful post written by AlphaGirl about her best friend and mother of three grown kids: Maria. It is buried in the archives, and one of our best contributions. Please take a moment to read it.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

An Unlikely Childfree Zone

by Shelley
Regular Contributor

Just when you thought there was nowhere left to escape the kindergarten crowd, there’s one place that’s drawing the line between where children do and do not belong. And believe it or not, it’s a church.

That’s right – NewSpring Church in Anderson, South Carolina does not allow children under the age of 11 to attend its worship services. How did the church come to enact this policy? In a post, titled What – No Kids in the Worship Service? – Part Two, (June 14, 2005) on his widely read blog (Perry Noble.com) Pastor Noble explains:

“I realized that when it comes to kids in the service that the pastor is in a no win situation. If they cause a disruption and we address it then some will consider us mean. If we let it go unnoticed then others will consider us to be passive.

So our team…finally decided that our church was going to strive to provide a distraction free worship environment for adults and a creative, relevant environment for kids–that way everyone wins.”

“But wait a minute,” you might say. “Didn’t Jesus say to let the children come to him?” Noble writes:

“I once had a father yell at me over the telephone, ‘Jesus said bring the little children unto me.’ I completed the verse for him and said, ‘and do not hinder them’. It is my belief that by taking a child and placing them in an environment where they are not engaged in a way that they can understand that they are being hindered. That is why we refuse to hinder kid’s spiritual development by asking them to surrender an hour of their life to boredom.”

Additionally, Noble has no tolerance for parents who assert that it’s important for children to see how Mommy and Daddy behave in church:

“It is my conviction that you have Monday through Saturday to worship God as a family. If you are not being a true worshipper on Monday through Saturday and then you try to come to church and fake it on Sunday then I promise that your child does not view you as a spiritual giant–but rather a hypocrite who is leading by example that it is ok to live one way inside the walls of the church and another way outside the walls.”

So, in today’s parent-dominated society, how has NewSpring been rewarded for bucking convention? Approximately 4000 people attend services each Sunday, and it was recently named the 21st Most Influential Church in America. I think it just goes to show what Purple Women^TM already know – where children are concerned, some traditions deserve a second look.

Flickr photo by criana (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

In the Company of Men

I started a scriptwriters group a number of years ago. We meet once a month to critique each other’s work and offer support and to enjoy the camraderie.

I walked into last nights meeting and found I was the only female in the group. We talked about the new generation of video cameras, our recent travels, and how we might share our work online. We critiqued one of the member’s musical numbers and we caught up with each other, exchanging news, advice, and ideas.

It was just like a meeting I might have had with my other writers group, a nonfiction group composed entirely of women, except that the subject of children never came up.

That got me thinking. The men I hang around with (most of whom have grown children) don’t spend much time talking about their kids, yet the women do, even long after the kids have left the nest.

Is it a gender identity thing? Given that most of the women I know took on the bulk of the child-rearing tasks, is it more difficult for them to make the transistion from parent to empty-nester than it is for their husbands?

I don’t know. However, it appears, based on some of my recent social interactions with empty-nester women, they are more likely than their husbands to continue to initiate and forge social connections by bringing their kids and grandkids into the conversation.

Where does that leave me, the childfree woman? Talking about the nephews, and the grandniece, I confess. Guilty as charged.

Or, more often, drifting off to join the cluster of men in the room, the ones talking about movies, golf, and politics.

Flickr Photo by JennsJournal cc
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Review: The Crowd You're In With

I think a better name for this play is: You are Your Peers.

Rebecca Gilman’s play will be with me a long time, but it will only be at the Magic Theatre in San Francisco through December 9th. Like a good book or a really excellent film, a powerful artistic work that moved at least one audience members to tears, it will be with me a long time.

The setting: a backyard BBQ. The dialogue centers around family planning and family choice. I remember writing about my own backyard experience in this post: The Question. I had no idea that such an interaction could be turned into a stage play.

The main characters in this play are one pregnant couple, one not-pregnant-yet couple, and the landlady and her lord, and you guessed it, they are a childfree couple. Let me just say the odd couple didn’t mix so well. The BBQ is a total disaster.

I think the scene, one long act that will keep you riveted to your seat for 80 minutes, is a bit extreme, the treatment of the childfree couple was not at all far from reality. Close enough to the mark; we are all easy marks because we are living such non-traditional lives, to be uncomfortable. I casually mentioned to one of the ushers at the theater that my childfree group attended the play and that “we get that kind of reaction all the time” her reaction was cool and not at all sympathetic. She probably thought I was as freakish as the stage characters thought of their childfree counterparts.

I met a woman who teaches art classes in a studio adjacent to the theatre and she said, in an unrelated conversation as we were mingling in the lobby area prior to the show, “No tolerance is actually a form of intolerance.” That applies to so many things.

The Purple Woman portrayed on stage was particularly vilified. I think the writer took it a bit to the extreme, perhaps to make a point, but I couldn’t help wondering how the childed vs. the parents in the audience were reacting to the scene. I remember, at one point, I was agreeing whole-heartedly with the dialogue on stage and a woman in front of me was shaking her head in sympathetic scorn.

Ms. Gilman did Purple Men a favor by focusing on their ability to make a conscious choice about becoming a parent. Our society focuses on women so much, possibly because we are the ones who actually get pregnant. Men have revealed that they feel pushed aside in the equation as the mere sperm donor who will just go along for the ride, as if they are not part of the decision. “Oh once your child is born….fill-in the blank reason,” to pacify the unsure male.

In the middle of the act, thank goodness for the single friend who drops by with a cheap six-pack of beer, as he provides much needed humor. His jokes about waiting on tables with parents and young children had everyone laughing heartily. Who knew Cheerios are just for tossing and not for eating? His arrival and delivery were perfectly timed.

This morning I was reading the morning paper about how whaling how international pressure has greatly impacted a small Japanese town’s traditional catch. I was surprised to learn that it was the Americans after WWII, who encouraged whales as a food source. Now we, as leaders in the world (bullies to some), and the international community have changed our minds. A spokesperson for the small whaling town of Taiji pointed out, “They just completely reject people whose thinking isn’t the same as theirs.” This reminded me of the kind of interactions that the childfree often have with parents and perfect strangers.

The Magic Theatre has a run of 25 shows for The Crowd You’re In With. I plan to go back for one of the Friday evening performances because the writer and director come out to talk with the audience, and more than anything, after seeing something like that, you want to talk about it. I am very grateful to Nicole, the promoter of the show, for a couple of reasons. First, she had the savvy to contact me, as the leader of a childfree social club, to promote the show to our members. Moreover, she arranged for members of my club to have a special ticket price at a $7.00 reduction. This marks the first time I have ever had a discount on anything for being childfree.

I will be thinking about this play for days if not weeks, and the more I think about it , the more title of the play seems perfect to me. It alludes to the kind of “group think” mentality that I suspect is often the basis for starting a family with children.

Rebecca Gilman is a Pulitzer-prize nominated play write. I hope she wins big for this one.

Update to post: Read Robert Hurwitt's review in today's San Francisco Chronicle.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

On Stage in San Francisco

I was contacted by the promoter of a play making its "world premier" at the Magic Theatre (yes, that's the way they spell it) in San Francisco. For you locals, it's located at the Fort Mason Center. I love theater (American spelling). I am excited to have a chance to see how being childfree is portrayed on stage. Please support the endeavor by attending if you are in town for the show dates.

Here's a synopsis:

The Crowd You’re In With
by Rebecca Gilman
Nov 10 – Dec 9.
The setting is a backyard BBQ and offers a close look at modern families, friendship and whether two people in love might just be enough. It attempts to tackle the question of what family really means and why having children is a big deal for some and not for others.

Ms. Gilman is a Pulitzer Prize-nominated playwright with a long history here at the Magic, so she approaches the story of these two young couples with incredible insight and humor. It is a very enjoyable and accessible play dealing with an issue that I know is dear to you and your constituency.

"It would be wonderful if you could pass the word along to your friends and any local No Kidding groups. I would be happy to mail out some postcards or send an HTML email with more information."

Tell a Purple Woman!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Top Ten Tips

How to Survive The Question: "Do You Have Children?"

1. At all costs, resist answering, “No, do you?” You will regret it immediately if you and this person are total strangers.

2. If applicable, turn to your spouse and say, “Honey, this one’s for you.”

3. Roll your eyes and say, “I’ll take History for $200”.

4. Get a wistful look in your eye, pause, then tilt your head in a thoughtful way and say,

“Just once, I wish someone would ask me if I am childfree.”

Be on your toes, and be mentally and emotionally prepared for whatever comes next.

5. Instead of replying, ask them a question: Any question, such as, “how do you know the host”, or “what got you involved in __________”. This will subtly communicate what you shouldn’t have to say: “I am not comfortable with your personal question”.

6. Answer honestly, and give them a “handle” to grab onto conversationally. The handle would be what you do spend your time doing since you don’t have kids.

7. Just start laughing and say, “Why would I want to do that?” Don’t be surprised if they agree with you, they may have teenagers.

8. Raise your eyebrows and make your eyes really big and say, “U-oh, gotta run…” Walk quickly the other direction. This is a not-so-subtle way of communicating that you don’t appreciate their personal question. Works like a charm on relatives who ask, “So, when are you and ______ going to start a family?” too.

9. If someone ever does ask you if you are childfree, they have taken the time in conversation to get to know you first, and made an accurate assumption. Immediately embrace the Purple Man or Woman!

10. If you’re really caught off guard and cannot for the life of you remember items 1 though 8, fake an allergic reaction to “fill-in-the-blank” and begin a mock sneezing fit. Walk quickly toward the bathroom. Re-group and come out swinging – socially speaking of course!

Flickr photo by by ores2k (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Blessings from the Blogosphere

Okay, that title is a little silly, and by some, what we write about here is regarded the same, but for others it really resonates and reflects their experience. WordWench, a Purple Woman, put this gift today on a post I published on April 2, 2007:

Married Childfree Catholic

"Thank you so much for this blog! I can't believe I have found it.

I am 39 years old, Catholic and single. I am also a woman who since the age of 18 has known that I did not want children. This is simply because I have never desired to have them and also because I know I am not parent material. I do not have the patience to go through all of the daily things that raising children involves. And I simply have never desired to be a mother.

This in no way means I am not a caring person...I feel I can show my nurturing and caring side through the extensive volunteer work I do with the blind and at a local food bank, and the care I give to animals. I also live with my elderly father and help him out (I am an only child, mother deceased.)

As a Catholic who has remained single (just haven't found right man) I find myself feeling increasingly alienated in my local church and also in the church at large because of this overwhelming idea that only those who procreate are 'in the right'.

I value so much the woman's comment about free will. If God had meant me to be a mother, wouldn't He have given me that natural desire? Instead, God I feel gave me the discernment from an early age to know what I was NOT meant to do as well as what I was meant to do. I feel it would be TRULY selfish of me to marry and have children just because I felt it was what I was supposed to do, rather than what I truly desired.

I am so glad there are others out there voicing this because I really feel lately like there is no place for me in my Church. Thank you."
August 30, 2007 11:31

You're welcome! Please visit the blogs of other Purple Women^TM as listed in the Childfree Love links in the sidebar.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Purple What?

I drive around town in a little black Toyota Celica. I was so excited to be moving back to my home country and state of California, I celebrated by ordering my first ever custom plates last fall. Apparently, someone already had PRPL WMN, so I had to settle for PPL WMN. Now, that could stand for People Woman, instead of Purple Women^TM. It's not a bad connotation, but I am pretty happy with what I got, and even if I am the only one who knows what it really stands for!

Unless of course, I am asked by someone directly. I had a reason to stop by a new acquaintance's house on Sunday. He was showing me around when his wife came home from the store. I would describe them as one and a half generations ahead of me, true blue baby boomers with all the trappings, probably three kids would be my guess -- as a purple woman, of course, I didn't inquire. His wife noticed my license plate and asked me about what it meant, so I told her about the blog that I've been running for two years. I said it was about women who are childfree. She made a joke and in a plaintive wail said, "You mean what do you do when the children are gone?" Um, no. That's not exactly what we are doing here.

Her husband came to my rescue; I think I had given him my Purple Women^TM business card when we were first introduced, and he has probably paid us a visit in the blogosphere. He said, "You know two of our daughters are childfree."


Technorati Tag: Childfree

The Purple Closet

I find myself in new situations all the time, since moving back to the town where we got married nine years ago. We bought a house, so now you know we're committed. Yep, we're settling in the for the long haul, and we're in the 'burbs -- the outer limit of the greater San Francisco Bay Area. We even adopted four girls. Chickens that is.

We've been here about 10 months now, and I thought I'd report in from a purple perspective on how all this is going. We find ourselves surrounded by families with kids. That much has not changed. It's still a great place to raise children, and that's partly why I felt so alienated when we first moved here as newlyweds. It's the new developments that tipped the balance in my decision about whether or not we should live here for the the foreseeable remainder of our lives. For example, we now have our very own Trader Joe's, and there's an outlet mall under consideration by the city council.

Out of all the places we could have chosen in the Bay Area, this was not first on my list. This is my husband's home town, and we have many friends here that he knows from the kindergarten days. Being welcomed back to a place is a most wonderful feeling. I am also making a concerted effort to meet new people, to expand the possibilities of our social horizons. In particular, I wanted to connect with other childfree people, not just on the Internet.

In the new social circle that is forming around us, the question about kids always comes up right away. More for me, than for my husband. Men simply don't go there. Women do. I usually handle it matter of fact-ly. I don't go around introducing myself as the Purple Woman, but I get it out there now. And, then I move on. Next topic?

I don't define myself by a my vocation or my family choice, and I am only associated with an "old family" by marriage as I kept my last name. Getting to know the real me takes a little time. My husband has four generations of history in this valley. It may also take time for us to overcome preconceived notions that others have about childfree people in general. We are in no hurry.

I like what I see in this community. I like who I am meeting and how the place has grown, all-be-it very slowly. There are lovely vineyard-esque housing developments set to a backdrop of generous rolling hills. The downtown redevelopment has gone very well, and the trees and wisteria will only be more beautiful as time goes on. My favorite stores are still there, as well as a few new ones. There are two or three restaurants we'd feel confident to taking visitors to. How many more do you really need?

I get a little nervous telling my new acquaintances about Purple Women & Friends. It's a growth area for me. Still working on coming out of the deep purple closet. Somehow, I am more intimidated to be openly childfree in a suburban setting, but so far so good.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Top 10 Ways

...to Have a Party Without Kids...

1. Be direct. Say it's an adult party, clothing optional. "Let's do some swinging!"
2. Have a "No Weenies, Just Martinis" party. Serve only martinis and insist everyone have one. Remind guests that it's a drought year and you're trying to conserve water. (Okay, this will only work in the Western U.S.)
3. On the announcement, tell your guests a White Elephant gift exchange is planned and to bring a gift-wrapped adult toy to the party.
4. When you leave a follow up message to see if they're coming, ask each guest to bring their best dirty joke or limerick.
5. Use a good swear word or two when you're calling again to see about their RSVP status.
6. If you actually get them on the phone, say, "you don't mind if we do a little "weed/crack/snort/coke/heroine/spleef/dubbie/hash" do you?" Wait -- no one will come if you do that.
7. Mention that there will be no lifeguard at your backyard pool party, even if you don't have a pool.
8. If your friend calls you to ask if you really meant it about their kids, say in a firm voice, "Yes, because my cats hate all children."
9. If they still want to bring their kids, mention that you have really cool neighbors and they are going to come over too, so everyone's going to get "really crazy".
10. If none of the above works, look up their son/daughter's MySpace page and tell how much you really want them to be there because you want to set them up with your niece/nephew from (somewhere they'd hate to visit). Oh, and that you'll be playing Twister.

Purple Women^TM I am jesting, of course!

Flickr photo by vanse1980 (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Tick Tock

Purple Women^TM do not suffer from the biological clock. We've made a decision, however, since we are not really purple, there is really no good way for people to know that just because we happen to be a woman, we do not plan on becoming a mother.

Carrie Friedman of Los Angeles illustrates this point beautifully in her guest editorial for Newsweek. Carrie looks forward to being a mother and even admits she infantilizes her pet dog, but she doesn't want people asking her about her family status all the time. She calls out the double-standard that women are held to, noting that her husband does not get the same invasive questioning.

I hope you have a chance to read her article: Stop Setting Alarms on My Biological Clock (Newsweek, My Turn; page 16; July 23, 2007).

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Just Be Yourself

by Shelley
Regular Contributor to PW&F
Personal Blog: End of the Tunnel

You’ve heard it a million times – whether you’re getting ready for a first date, preparing for a job interview, or meeting the future in-laws, someone always offers the sage advice to “just be yourself.”

This is probably the world’s most widely used adage, and it sounds so simple on the surface. But when people give this advice, do they really understand what they’re saying?

Because if you’re truly being yourself, you are guaranteed to irritate, offend, or otherwise alienate someone along the way. What is pleasing to one person will grate on the next person’s nerves. Everyone will not always agree with you. And worst of all, you will eventually commit the cardinal sin of going against the flow.

As a childfree Christian, I feel the ramifications of being myself most strongly in traditional church environments. It seems that church folk encourage you to be yourself…“unless.”

For example, “Be yourself, unless you don’t like the way we do things around here.” We’re “family” oriented, so if you’re uncomfortable participating in programs orchestrated around parents and children, you’d best keep your mouth shut and do it anyway. And for heaven’s sake, stick with the prescribed “Christian” lifestyle. A woman who’s uninterested in motherhood is misguided and sad – a child is the only thing that will make you truly happy, and if you choose not to have one, you surely aren’t following the will of God.

When it comes right down to it, what people really want is for you to be like them. Because if you are finding fulfillment by doing things differently, that just might mean that they are the ones who could have made better choices. And where Christians are concerned, I think sometimes instead of deepening our relationship with God to find confidence that we have chosen the right path, we instead find that comfort in the fact that everyone else is doing the same things as us.

Romans 14:22 says, “Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.”

My husband and I believe children are not in God’s will for our lives, and we strive to ensure our thoughts and actions mirror that belief. I rejoice in being myself, because even if others don’t understand, I know God approves!


Flickr photo by geopollock (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

3,679

What's in a number? Well, I've just submitted an application to add this blog to the directory called Blogs By Women. This is the number of women-owned blogs we hope to be associated with, plus potentially their readers and whomever they are connected to. That is the beauty of the blogosphere. (I just love that word, don't you?) I am sure there are a few Purple Women^TM among them!

As previously experienced with other directories, it is difficult to determine which category we come under. Which heading would you have selected for our topic of focus on childfree women?

• Family & Parenting
• Feminists & Feminism
• Gender & GBLT
• Sex & Sexuality
• Society & Culture
  

The answer will be revealed in a comment here!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Deep Purple

The most fun on the job I ever had was managing a swim school for children. I only did it for two years and I still cannot go to that part of the Bay without recognizing a former student and parent. That's a nice feeling.

So when an opportunity to support families with children presented itself, I acted upon it. The local school district is in dire need of substitute teachers. The school board approved an emergency certificate to be issued to aid in recruitment. I was given a TB test and they sent me down to the police department for a full set of prints and an FBI and DOJ background check, all of which I passed with flying colors. A bachelor's degree is required and I must take proficiency tests in the 3Rs (and pass them) within a year.

The true test is tomorrow. Tomorrow, I am going on my first assignment: Title I, second grade. Seventy-five percent of the children at this school are second language learners and/or economically disadvantaged. Tomorrow, other people's children (OPC) will be more important than anything else. I will certainly get my "kid fix".

Wish me luck!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Purple Haze

It has been a while since I have reported on my progress as a married childfree refugee living in surburbia. We've been here for six months now.

We returned to a suburb of the greater San Francisco Bay Area -- the East Bay to be specific. My husband was raised here. Four generations of his family were raised here. We were married here nine years ago, so it's very much a "family thing" as one woman friend of mine so aptly put it. Suburbs have always been described as "a nice place to raise kids". Not exactly what we are doing as a family of two.

So I thought long and hard before I agreed to stay here, to buy a house here, and become a part of this community. It wasn't just any house. It's the house my husband grew up in. It's the site of our engagement party, the place his youngest sister held her wedding reception, where many, many 4th of July BBQs occured. We look forward to many more such gatherings here.

I had to ask myself the obvious:

Question: Is it a good place for childfree adults to live?

Answer: It depends on who you are and what you're interested in.

Is it a good place to be single and looking? Probably not, however, it is still a great place to raise kids. Our neighbors who are raising a 13-year-old, invited me to a fundraiser for the local boy scouts: the first annual Womens' Sports Shooting event. I am still a dead-eye with a rifle. The proof hangs proudly on our refrigerator. What a hoot for only $20 in exchange for a full day of entertainment in a not-so-far-off wild California!

Our town is undergoing a bit of a cultural renaissance. The arts are mightily supported here. Even the small hobby airport is in the middle of a search for an airline to serve the citizens. Our town is among the top five participating cities in the annual Backyard Bird Count. Tourism is building momentum with the mostly undiscovered wine country setting as a backdrop. Thinking of doing Napa or Sonoma? Try appellation Livermore. You'll be in for a nice surprise.

When I make a decision, I go for it hook, line, and sinker. At first, I was afraid I would lose my identity out here in "the burbs", lost in a suburban fog of casual dress and discount shopping. I thought perhaps I needed a big city and bright lights to keep me on track, and stimulated. Instead, I am discovering a new side of myself. San Francisco is close enough to enjoy on a regular basis. For the first time, I have some "dirt to dig in" and we have chickens on this small hobby farm. You just can't beat fresh eggs. One of my neighbors has offered to buy my extras! Who knows what else love will grow out here.

I am a Purple Woman^TM, which means I do not have my own kids; however, I am very drawn to other people's children, especially my nieces and nephews. My husband and I actively seek other adults, who don't have kids, to socialize with. Children are such a rarity in my life, I really enjoy them, wonder at their innocence, their interests, when they are around. We are fortunate that many of our friends have older children who are more independent, which means they now have more time for us. It's nice to finally be in that place. I feel like I can give it a rest now and just live my life. Be myself. I am no longer seeking. I am standing still, and we do not plan to move for a long, long time.

Flickr photo by sweetpea515

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Saints and Sinners

I have been riveted by the History Channel lately. Perhaps it's my late mother-in-law channeling through me. She was a history major; quite a lady. I am now living in the house she built and called home for 45 years.

Last night, the show focused on the speculation about Mary Magdelaine. Two Marys feature prominently in Christian culture - one a virgin, the other has been portrayed as a reformed prostitute. It got me thinking about women's identity in the present tense.

What polar opposites of stereotyping do adult women suffer from today?

The answer can vary depending on the setting you find yourself in, and what your personal experience has been. On the career ladder, women are often polarized as aggressive or passive. In the not so distant past, popular media has portrayed us as either knocking their heads against the glass ceiling (b****s), or as the ones answering the phones. Is there a confident, capable woman in between? More and more examples of the latter are cropping up in Hollywood and our awareness, thanks to more women in the workplace.

The experience of modern women is best represented as a continuum. At one end, we have SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms) and on the other are Purple Women^TM. There's a lot of room in between, and either end is hard to match up with a strict definition. There's a lot of room for self-definition.

Some readers of this blog have confessed to me that they don't like to be narrowly defined by whether or not they have given birth.

They don't identify themselves as childfree. That's one reason why I created a new color moniker for myself and whoever wants to adopt it!

What is the question?

That is the answer.

The question I ask is,

What lies in between

Career Women and Mothers?

I propose there are Purple Women™.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Fem Blogger Study

Hattie Page, who authors a blog called MotherPie, is not a Purple Woman. However, she is publishing a series of posts on her findings about women bloggers as a part of her Digital Media Theory coursework towards her master's degree. Here's a link to the first post: Women Bloggers.

The majority of the respondents were parents (70%) with 64% being females with children. Only 2% were males without children. Females without children comprised 27% of respondents.

If you pay her a visit, please leave a comment and tell her the Purple Woman sent you!


Technorati Tag: Childfree