My Purple Identity

Some Purple Women^TM are single. Some Purple Women^TM are married. Some will marry a man who already has children from a previous union. Yes, women who are step-parents strongly identify as childfree. That's something I have learned along my purple journey these last two years.

No matter what your marital status, single or married --- (BTW, why do they ask if you've ever been Divorced on these doctor's office forms? It's none of their damn businesses. Please tell them so) -- I say we are Purple.

Am I childless, child-free or childfree? Depends on who you ask. Personally, I choose to define myself. I am Purple, and sometimes that's hard to define.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Purple Fridays

Purple Women^TM are discovering this blog all the time. I am excited to announce that our subscription offer just got sweeter. Did you know that you can have the latest posts sent to your email box directly? Yes, it will arrive in your In Box once a week on Fridays. Something to look forward to at the end of the week!

I would also like to encourage you to forward our content to all your childfree friends. There will be a button making it easy to do this in the weekly feed. The formatting will be a little different as Feedblitz has offered publishers like me some new bells and whistles.

If you wish so continue subscribing, please remember to:

• Add feedblitz@mail.feedblitz.com to your address books or email whitelists immediately.
• Only unsubscribe using the links provide in each Feedblitz email; please do not use your ISP's spam or abuse button.
• Heads up for a message from FeedBlitz advising you that a change has taken place regarding your Purple Women & Friends subscription.

I have added a chicklet just under the sign up form in the sidebar, so you can watch our community grow. We get a regular readership of approximately 1,000 unique visitors per week. As you can see, not everyone takes advantage of the free subscription feature!

In addition to being a Purple Woman, I am also known in my family as Miss BloggyPants. So this may be more exciting news for me as the owner and a Contributing Editor of this blog!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Do Your Breast

A certain body part has come under particular scrutiny Purple Women^TM. You know the ones, they come in pairs are considered by many to be "weapons of mass destruction," they are associated with erotica, and most recently deemed objectionable by Facebook when a mother posted a photo of this body part exposed while nursing her baby. Frankly, I am more offended by swearing in public.

Women are so villified, and not just by Islam. I blog about this today because there is a Purple Woman out there doing something about it. Her name is Sue Richards. She is the Breast Health Empress -- breast health, not breast cancer. Breast health includes having healthy attitudes towards our breasts and our bodies, and how to care for them -- before a diagnosis. Let's call it preventative.

Denise, over at BlogHer is an official Breast Ambassador (you can become one too) and she posted about this topic recently. I also met Sue at BlogHer. In fact, she was the first person I met. We were sitting out by the pool because we both had registered so late we could not get in to the first day. Each of us had flown all the way from Ontario, Canada to be at BlogHer '06. We marveled at how far we had to come to meet each other when we lived, at the time, in the same province.

I later went to interview her at her home in Guelph, right before we moved back to California. I will feature her in a new series of posts called Profiles of Purple Women. With her permission, I will publish her story on this blog. Stay tuned for the upcoming story. She is a self-described Social Entrepreneur and a heroine of mine.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Top Ten Tips

How to Survive The Question: "Do You Have Children?"

1. At all costs, resist answering, “No, do you?” You will regret it immediately if you and this person are total strangers.

2. If applicable, turn to your spouse and say, “Honey, this one’s for you.”

3. Roll your eyes and say, “I’ll take History for $200”.

4. Get a wistful look in your eye, pause, then tilt your head in a thoughtful way and say,

“Just once, I wish someone would ask me if I am childfree.”

Be on your toes, and be mentally and emotionally prepared for whatever comes next.

5. Instead of replying, ask them a question: Any question, such as, “how do you know the host”, or “what got you involved in __________”. This will subtly communicate what you shouldn’t have to say: “I am not comfortable with your personal question”.

6. Answer honestly, and give them a “handle” to grab onto conversationally. The handle would be what you do spend your time doing since you don’t have kids.

7. Just start laughing and say, “Why would I want to do that?” Don’t be surprised if they agree with you, they may have teenagers.

8. Raise your eyebrows and make your eyes really big and say, “U-oh, gotta run…” Walk quickly the other direction. This is a not-so-subtle way of communicating that you don’t appreciate their personal question. Works like a charm on relatives who ask, “So, when are you and ______ going to start a family?” too.

9. If someone ever does ask you if you are childfree, they have taken the time in conversation to get to know you first, and made an accurate assumption. Immediately embrace the Purple Man or Woman!

10. If you’re really caught off guard and cannot for the life of you remember items 1 though 8, fake an allergic reaction to “fill-in-the-blank” and begin a mock sneezing fit. Walk quickly toward the bathroom. Re-group and come out swinging – socially speaking of course!

Flickr photo by by ores2k (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Purple Man at Lunch

I grossed myself out this week and opted for a "quick" hot dog at Costco for lunch. I only had a half hour allotted and it was the closest solution. It didn't end up being quick at all as this lunch venue is so popular, I spent almost 10 minutes just standing in line to spend $1.50 on the dog.

What took even longer was the interesting man, let's call him Steve, that sat down next to me. He just didn't belong. I thought he looked a little bookish and out of place, bespectacled and all. Trim physique. Plus, he had come prepared with a hard cover book and a New Yorker. As it turns out he was a Purple Man.

After clearing him for landing in the bench zone next to me, my first question to him was, "Are you a writer and are you from New York?" In my experience those from the East really give it up to the Big Apple and consider it the center of culture in the U.S. I think they should all be required to visit Venice Beach, California in order to reconsider their position.

He was a scientist and from the East Coast indeed. He was there getting a flat tire fixed. It was a jaunty conversation, well worth the trip to Costco, and not at all what I was expecting. I wanted to know his whole story, but men don't need or want to articulate about being childfree like we women-folk do. He readily agreed we get all the pressure and men simply fly below the radar. I gave him my Purple Women^TM business card and sincerely hope that he writes us a Guest Post sometime -- or at least leaves us a comment!

Purple Men are out there. Sometimes I wish they would speak out more and help alleviate the double-standard that seems to exist. Their silence is not supportive of the women they love.

Photo by roboppy (cc)

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Need Book Reviewed

Are there any Purple Women^TM out there who have read this book and can review it for us?

Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution
by Ardrienne Rich

FROM THE PUBLISHER
"In order for all women to have real choices all along the line," Ardrienne Rich writes, "we need fully to understand the power and powerlessness embodied in motherhood in patriarchal culture."


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Grateful for a Flame-Free Blog

I was reading a guest post titled Childless at Work published in the On Balance work-life blog of The Washington Post. It was written earlier this year by a childless woman who felt she was discriminated against when she was told by her future employer that she would be allowed to telecommute a couple days a week, only to find out later that only women who were mothers had that "luxury."

Her situation is not unusual. Many such stories have been posted here and on other childfree sites. What was unusual was the nature of the comments posted in response to this guest blog. Almost all of the comments where dismissive, unsympathetic, or blatantly cruel.

Some might think that flaming and blogs go hand-in-hand, but I beg to differ. I think you can encourage dialogue and debate, and allow people to express their diverse views, in a flame-free environment.

Proof that it is possible can be found here.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Does a Christian Have a Choice?

by Shelley
Regular Contributor to Purple Women^TM

It’s supposed to be every little girl’s greatest hope: to grow up, marry her Prince Charming, buy a nice house in the suburbs, and finally find ultimate fulfillment by becoming a mother. Ah, the American Dream.

And apparently, it’s supposed to be the Christian Dream too – just ask Dr. Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and prominent Right-Wing Evangelical commentator. In his popular article on what he calls “deliberate childlessness,” he asserts that,

“The church should insist that the biblical formula calls for adulthood to mean marriage and marriage to mean children.”

Okay…but when it comes to adopting a “biblical formula,” I think it’s wise to actually refer to the Bible and see what the Scriptures have to say.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul advises the Church on marriage. He discusses two options – getting married or remaining single. The Bible doesn’t directly address the issue of being married and childfree, because at the time the Scriptures were written, no one could have dreamed it would be possible. After all, reliable birth control didn’t exist. To be married was to have sex, and to have sex was to have children. So when Paul speaks of marriage in verses 25-28, we can assume he is also speaking of parenthood:

“Now I write about people who are not married [don’t have children]…The present time is a time of trouble, so I think it is good for you to stay the way you are…But if you decide to marry [and have children], you have not sinned…But those who marry [and have children] will have trouble in this life, and I want you to be free from trouble.” Hmmm….

Marriage is not the only option, and the ability to remain single is actually a gift from God. And children aren’t a requirement either, since when Paul advises not to marry, he is inherently advising not to have children.

So where would Paul stand on being married and childfree? I would never dare to put words in his mouth or assert my opinion as Biblical Truth. But personally, I know that God uses my husband to help me grow, and that I’m a better person because of him. And I also know that the ministry God has given us as a couple would not exist if we had children, because they would become our priority. We could not invest in others at the level we do today.

Based on Corinthians 7, I think Dr. Mohler’s statement is a bit of a stretch.

I’m certainly no theologian, but I think that when the Bible is vague on an issue, it’s probably best to let God decide how to work it out in individual lives and not assume the responsibility for yourself.

According to Dr. Mohler, the Apostle Paul, who was personally visited by God, was responsible for bringing the Gospel to the Gentiles, and wrote the majority of the New Testament, was "morally rebellious and did not fulfill the responsibilities of adulthood". So who do I believe – Paul or Mohler…Paul or Mohler…?


Technorati Tag: Childfree