Top 10 Ways

...to Have a Party Without Kids...

1. Be direct. Say it's an adult party, clothing optional. "Let's do some swinging!"
2. Have a "No Weenies, Just Martinis" party. Serve only martinis and insist everyone have one. Remind guests that it's a drought year and you're trying to conserve water. (Okay, this will only work in the Western U.S.)
3. On the announcement, tell your guests a White Elephant gift exchange is planned and to bring a gift-wrapped adult toy to the party.
4. When you leave a follow up message to see if they're coming, ask each guest to bring their best dirty joke or limerick.
5. Use a good swear word or two when you're calling again to see about their RSVP status.
6. If you actually get them on the phone, say, "you don't mind if we do a little "weed/crack/snort/coke/heroine/spleef/dubbie/hash" do you?" Wait -- no one will come if you do that.
7. Mention that there will be no lifeguard at your backyard pool party, even if you don't have a pool.
8. If your friend calls you to ask if you really meant it about their kids, say in a firm voice, "Yes, because my cats hate all children."
9. If they still want to bring their kids, mention that you have really cool neighbors and they are going to come over too, so everyone's going to get "really crazy".
10. If none of the above works, look up their son/daughter's MySpace page and tell how much you really want them to be there because you want to set them up with your niece/nephew from (somewhere they'd hate to visit). Oh, and that you'll be playing Twister.

Purple Women^TM I am jesting, of course!

Flickr photo by vanse1980 (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree