- Be direct. Say it's an adult party, clothing optional. "Let's do some swinging!"
- Have a "No Weenies, Just Martinis" party. Serve only martinis and insist everyone have one. Remind guests that it's a drought year and you're trying to conserve water. (Okay, this will only work in the Western U.S.)
- On the announcement, tell your guests a White Elephant gift exchange is planned and to bring a gift-wrapped adult toy to the party.
- When you leave a follow up message to see if they're coming, ask each guest to bring their best dirty joke or limerick.
- Use a good swear word or two when you're calling again to see about their RSVP status.
- If you actually get them on the phone, say, "you don't mind if we do a little "weed/crack/snort/coke/heroine/spleef/dubbie/hash" do you?" Wait -- no one will come if you do that.
- Mention that there will be no lifeguard at your backyard pool party, even if you don't have a pool.
- If your friend calls you to ask if you really meant it about their kids, say in a firm voice, "Yes, because my cats hate all children."
- If they still want to bring their kids, mention that you have really cool neighbors and they are going to come over too, so everyone's going to get "really crazy".
- If none of the above works, look up their son/daughter's MySpace page and tell how much you really want them to be there because you want to set them up with your niece/nephew from (somewhere they'd hate to visit). Oh, and that you'll be playing Twister.
Flickr photo by vanse1980 (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree