A Message From Down Under

An unexpected email from a Purple Woman in Australia was the best gift I could have received this Christmas. It convinces me that just posting a new article once or twice a year is not enough effort to keep the content and value of this 2-year intensive blog project alive. My big task for the new year is to take steps to preserve it, so that it will continue to provide a measured, balance perspective on what it is to be a Purple Woman. It is empowering to be self-defined.

She has given me permission to share this letter to herself.

Madeline's Story: A Letter to Myself

Today is the beginning of a new outlook on life. This weekend we made the decision to not continue on the IVF path. Not next year. Not ever.

For me it is also a conscious decision not to continue on the ‘infertility’ path.  That may sound strange, because technically we will remain, by definition, ‘infertile’.  But today, and every day from now on, this is not how we define ourselves.

Spending our emotional energy, our time and our money trying to bring ‘something’ into our life implies that there is something missing.  And that is what has kept us on the IVF roller coaster and turned both of us – I guess me especially – into anxious and (if I’m being honest with myself) at times unhappy people. What I have come to realise this week is that there is nothing missing.

We have a loving, fun, deeply committed relationship and we have a choice to make.  So many of our choices have been made for us that I almost forgot the one we can still make – we can choose not to define ourselves by what we don’t have.  We can choose to get off the emotional rollercoaster that is ivf. We can choose to embrace a different life. Not a lesser life, but a different one…maybe even a fuller one.

Yesterday I read that ‘There is only so much time in a day, a week, a lifetime, and if we don't raise children, perhaps we "raise" something else.’  Something about this blog excerpt resonated with me because, deep down, I know that I have something significant to contribute to this world. And I know that we both can make a mark, as individuals or as a couple.  And that mark isn’t going to be children. But it will be something just as meaningful.  We might change the life of people less fortunate than us.  We might find a way to bring light into dark times that other people suffer through. And through doing this we will probably learn, in a deeper way than we now recognise, that we are so very lucky to be two healthy, bright, driven people.

Apart from leaving a mark on this world, there are smaller – but significant – ways that we can embrace our life and be happy that we have made this choice.  We will have a freedom that other people cannot.  We can have dinner at 9pm on a Tuesday night over candlelight and a bottle of wine. We can nurture our love in a selfish, indulgent way.  We can come home at midnight after a night out with friends… no babysitter, no guilt. I can pursue a fulfilling career without the guilt of having to divide my energies and time.  I can continue singing and musical theatre and the joy that brings without feeling overcommitted.  We can go on extravagant or adventurous holidays every year. Every year. No putting it off. No having to find ‘child friendly’ hotels.  No waiting until school holidays.  We can explore other cultures and learn new things. We can take a whole year off work if we want to and travel the world (well, maybe later when we can afford it). We can go for long walks holding each other’s hands, ending up at a cocktail bar on the river if that’s what we feel like. We can enjoy the simple things in life…good food, good wine, expensive restaurants, lazy Sunday afternoon wines.

We don’t need anybody else in our lives to be fulfilled. There are many things that can ‘complete’ someone and there are many expressions of our love for each other.  In the past, I was so sad that our beautiful love would never be reflected in a child. What I am focused on now is nurturing and protecting that love and having fun with it.   There are other things that our love will be weaved into.  We might volunteer overseas together… we might give something back in a way that others can’t.  Importantly, we can move forward without resentment of other people’s fortune. Because we are going to be fortunate in other ways. We are going to feel fulfilled and satisfied and free. We are going to make a difference. We are going to focus our energies on our marriage, on our own identities and passions, and on our friends – some that we have, some that we will meet.

Most importantly, we will feel whole and happy because we have a deep love that we can spend every day investing our time and energy into and nothing will compromise that.

[Editor's note: This Purple Woman's name has been changed to protect her privacy. 
Special thanks to Flickr member Wim Mulder for sharing his photo via Creative commons. CC]

For more information about the choice to be childfree, read through the archived posts on this blog (hint: you will find them sorted by topic in the sidebar), or visit Laura Scott's "Childless by Choice Project". Laura is an author and filmmaker and a former contributing editor of this blog.

A Paternal Instinct?

During my research for the Childless by Choice Project, I interviewed partnered and married childless and childfree men and I asked them, "Do you think there is such a thing as a paternal instinct?"

The responses were varied, but to paraphrase the majority of the men I interviewed, the response was: "If there is, I haven’t got it."

Beyond the anecdotel comes evidence from a major study conducted in the U.K. reported by The Daily Telegraph in Australia this past December, in an article titled For Dads, Happiness is No Kids.

Following is the full article:

The patter of tiny feet has long been thought of as the key to happiness. But according to a study, having children makes men less satisfied with their life, while women only enjoy motherhood once their offspring are packed off to school.

Between the ages of three and five, children made mothers less satisfied with life, while being the father of a child under five "significantly reduces"' life satisfaction.

Women with children aged five to 15 were happier than those who did not have children. Even children of school age brought no increase or decrease in happiness for men.

The study, carried out by the Institute for Social & Economic Research in Colchester, England, surveyed nearly 4000 couples between 1996 and 2003.

A caveat: I have not seen the original study. However, this rings true to me, based on my interviews.

What do you think?

Flickr photo by fusionstream (cc) /Technorati Tag: Childfree

The Influence of Culture

I have been researching and writing about the childless by choice in North America for four years. One thing I have learned is many of us are pressured to have kids, or stigmatized because we don’t, because of the culture in which we live.

The culture may be a mixture of religion, race, family, or tradition, but the results are the same. Our decision making and our coping mechanisms are influenced by our culture.

I recently signed a book deal with Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group, to write a book on the Childless by Choice in North America. Yesterday I was working on a chapter in which I profile couples who have arrived at their decision to remain childfree in very different ways. The couples I interviewed are a very diverse group. Some are children of immigrants from India and the Middle East, some are atheists, some are lapsed Catholics, some are devout Jews. Each of them has found their own unique way of navigating what is very often a pronatalist culture.

As a young black woman, how do you remain childfree in a culture where fathering a child is considered a critical rite of passage for most of the young males of your race? Do you date outside your race, do you remain single or celibate, or do you defend yourself by arming yourself with condoms and praying he knows how to use one, or by going to your doctor and begging for a tubal ligation?

If you are an observant Jew do you pass as infertile, do you isolate yourself, do you lie when asked why you haven’t done your part to produce a child for the tribe. The future of Israel is at stake!

It’s tough. So tough in fact that I have yet to meet an observant, orthodox Jewish woman who is intentionally childless, or a African American couple who remained childfree through a lasting, fertile marriage or partnership. I know they exist. They are out there, I’m sure of it. It’s just that I have not met them, even though I have worked and lived along side orthodox Jews and I have mentored young black women.

Fortunately, I have had the pleasure of knowing so many others, who despite being raised in a culture that assumed parenthood for all their members, became one of the few who resisted the pressure, based on a hard-won sense of who they were and what they truly wanted. (Click here for a short excerpt of a Mexican couple who did just that.)

The decision to remain childfree is not made in a vacuum. You may be caucasian, 5th generation American, atheist, and surrounded by childless and childfree siblings and friends, but you probably still had a parent who hoped for a grandchild one day; who said,

"You would be a good parent if you just put your mind to it."

[Flickr photo by Stephanie Booth - cc]
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Do I Want to Be a Mom?

A simple question right? For this generation, maybe so.

But for our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, it is quite likely this question never crossed their minds.

This reality was brought home to me in a casual conversation with my mother over this holiday week. We were remembering my grandmother who passed away roughly ten years ago. Born in Poland, she was a very strong and determined woman who survived wars, near starvation, and the loss of her family home and business.

My mother lamented that at my grandmother’s funeral people stood up and spoke mainly about my grandmother’s devotion to the church and family. A woman who knew her as a much younger woman was not able to speak that day. If she had, she would have told the assembled crowd about a woman who was an accomplished horsewoman, a woman who ran the family business in her early teens while her ailing mother barked orders from her sickbed, a woman who used her smarts and her powerful determination to navigate through the worst atrocities of World War II.

My mother, acknowledging the whole spectrum of her own mother’s experience and personality, remarked, “If she would have been born in today's world she would have been childless and running her own business.”

My grandmother was born close to a hundred years ago. She had eight children.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

A Legacy for the Childfree?

A good friend of mine posed an interesting question to me over dinner a few nights ago: Do the childless by choice think, or do, more about about leaving a legacy because they don’t have kids?

Her parents felt that their legacy, or their purpose, was to give their kids a better future and more opportunities than they had. Parents by virture of procreation leave a legacy. So what about the childless and childfree?

This question comes up a lot when I talk about the childless and childfree. My response to her was: "It depends on how you define legacy? Is it genes, philanthropy, creative contributions, good works? Do we even care if we leave a lasting legacy, or do we focus solely on the here and now?

Personally, I do think about leaving a legacy. I hope my volunteer efforts will benefit the next generation. I hope something I have written will encourage someone to expand his or her thinking on a topic. I hope there is something left after I pay for eldercare so I can leave something to charity. But there are no guarantees.

Earlier that evening, this friend had thanked me because that week, for the first time in her thirty-some years, when asked if she had kids, she had felt empowered to respond: No, I’m childless by choice.

To me, that was enough. That’s my legacy.

What about you? Do you think about your legacy? Does it matter?


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Shoulds and Shouldn'ts

Guest Post by
SteffO
Purple Woman & Mental Health Advocate
Gainseville, Florida
Quird.com

I have a mental illness.

There. I said it, got it out of the way. It's relevant to Purple Women^TM, though, because being mentally ill puts me in a category all its own -- society thinks I shouldn't have children.

Back in the early part of the 20th century, thousands of women with brain disorders (including the non-disease "hysteria", a label slapped on some women who didn't meekly obey her menfolk) were given involuntary hysterectomies because it was thought such women shouldn't breed. While the eugenics programs are done and buried, the mindset still persists
among many doctors.

I've been wanting a tubal ligation since I was fourteen or so, although I've never had the money to follow through. I've brought it up with various doctors, though, and the response is always the same. Their first reaction is the one most childfree women get -- "You'll change your mind when you're older." But then they find out that I have a mental illness, and suddenly they can't wait to schedule the surgery for me.

I don't want children, and never have. I'm lucky that I feel this way, though, because pregnancy and motherhood would be very hard on my mental stability. Yes, I could have a kid if I really wanted to, but I'd have to do it under a doctor's close supervision, and I'd have a lot of issues that other women don't have to deal with.

Lots of women with mental illnesses -- including both my sisters -- make great mothers. They each have a daughter, and my middle sister has a son on the way. Having a brain disorder does not automatically make a person a bad parent. There is medication. There is therapy. There are support groups.

You should value your ability to choose, whether society wants you to have children or not.

A hundred years ago I wouldn't have had a choice. I can't ever forget that. And neither should you.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Childless and Mormon

Oprah recently did a show on fundamental Mormon polygamists. The majority of women featured on the show appeared very pleased with their plural marriages and most had over five children each. I did the addition and realized there were over 20 people living together in one home. Whew…

Of course this type of marriage is rare and illegal. One notorius leader, Warren Jeffs, president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and husband to over 50 wives, is currently in jail awaiting his sentence after being found guilty of accomplice to rape for coercing a 14-year-old girl into a marriage with her elder cousin.

The mainstream Mormon Church no longer sanctions polygamy, and there are only a few communities of polygamists left in North America. However, the Church continues to actively support and endorse large families, so I wondered: what is life like for childless or childfree LDS couples?

Kathryn Kidd, a childless Mormon author from Virginia and a contributor to Meridien Magazine, an ezine designed for Latter-day Saints, explored this question in a article titled Other Avenues for the Childless after being contacted by women who wrote about the challenges of childlessness.

Barbara, reflecting on her experience of a life without kids in the LDS community, had this to say:

The biggest problem was lack of any suitable role or role model for women in my position in the Church. There were no childless married women I could relate to, and a lack of friends or peers with whom I could share experience. Church meetings and classes and talks inevitably involve teachings on the family.

Many of the childfree and childless of all beliefs and faiths experience a sense of isolation and some exclusion. However, I suspect this must be harder in a community where having kids is what a contributor to the Latter-day Saint Liberation Front website called one of the "most profound and fundamental mortal obligations."


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Is Marriage Good For You?

Generally, yes, according to David Popenoe, a sociology professor and co-chair of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. In an article posted on the Discovery Health website, Dr. Popenoe exposes the benefits and myths around marriage.

So what are the benefits?

More wealth for women and better health for men, and more frequent and more satisfying sex for both genders, compared to unmarrieds.

What about the myths? Well, here’s one Purple Women™ can identify with:

Marriage Myth 2: Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.

Fact: Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

Currently, divorce rates hover just below 50 percent of first marriages in the United States.

So how do modern marriages compare to those of our parents? Popenoe observed that modern marriages are not any happier: "Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those of 20 or 30 years ago, significantly more work-related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interaction."

Flicker photo by Pencils and Pixels (cc)

Technorati Tag: Childfree

White Picket Fences

I have from time to time advocated for speaking out. Too often, Purple Women^TM are invisible and blend into the crowd. After two years of blogging here in this topically focused blog about being a woman without children, I have been approached by reporters who are interested in the subject.

My most recent interview was conducted on my cell phone, which got very hot in my ear, while I was sitting in my car in the grocery store parking lot. The story was published today in the TimeOut section of the Valley Times, a publication of Contra Costa Times. I am not in it, thankfully. The story is about regret. The self-identified "childfree" women that I meet here do not identify with being childless, they embrace their choice, whether it is circumstances or health reasons, or adamant super-conscious decision-making alone.

These empowered, self-defined women are not what this article is about. The reporter focuses on those who miss out on the American dream of the car, the house, the 2.5 children and a white picket fence. "Gimme a straight jacket!" It's a depressing read:

Childless by Fate, Choice: Coming to Terms With What Might Have Been by Jessica Yadegaran

I guess I should not be so surprised by the piece. I am living in the heartland of the East Bay suburbia. They have to cater to their readership. The burbs are where people go to raise children. So Purple Women will remain invisible. This newspaper probably has no idea how many of its readership are confidently, childfree or childless by choice. It all depends on your perspective.

Flickr photo by roujo (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

What do we regret?

Most people imagine that I will eventually regret my decision to remain childless. They think of me as childless, not childfree. But what, if anything, will I regret when I get older? This new survey suggests some of the possiblities.

The London Daily Mail reported that a survey commissioned by the U.K based Bradford & Bingley bank revealed that 22 percent of married women aged 35-44 regret their choice of husband. The survey also found that one in twelve of the women surveyed wished they had never married at all.

It is interesting that significantly more women than men wish they had married someone else. However this wasn’t even close to being the top regret revealed by this survey of 1,250 British women.

What were the most common regrets?

Travel: 53 percent of those surveyed wished they had traveled more before settling down.

Money: 37 percent wished they had saved more.

That rings true to me. I have never wished for another husband, never wished for a child. But I do hope to save more so we can travel more often.

Close to one in four British women wish they had chosen someone else to marry. But that is a minority; 56 percent of the married women surveyed said they were "very happy" with their marriage.

Only one in five wanted another kid.

Flickr Photo by shapeshift

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Tick Tock

Purple Women^TM do not suffer from the biological clock. We've made a decision, however, since we are not really purple, there is really no good way for people to know that just because we happen to be a woman, we do not plan on becoming a mother.

Carrie Friedman of Los Angeles illustrates this point beautifully in her guest editorial for Newsweek. Carrie looks forward to being a mother and even admits she infantilizes her pet dog, but she doesn't want people asking her about her family status all the time. She calls out the double-standard that women are held to, noting that her husband does not get the same invasive questioning.

I hope you have a chance to read her article: Stop Setting Alarms on My Biological Clock (Newsweek, My Turn; page 16; July 23, 2007).

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Book Review: Women without Children; Nurturing Lives

By Twiga92 Former PW&F Contributor
Blogs: Caught Between Worlds, Twiga's Book Reviews, "Something About Me" Reading Challenge

"What is the meaning of childlessness in women's lives, and how do they construct lives challenging the expectation that all women are, or should be, mothers?"

For those who haven't read any childfree literature, then this book may be somewhat informative. It felt repetitive to me partly because I'd read it all before, but also because the author selected interview subjects who say the same things over and over, just from different perspectives.

Women without Children: Nurturing Lives by Yvonne Vissing gets a 3.5/5 star rating for me. Though the book had good information, it seemed rather bland and repetitious to me. She interviewed a number of women, some of whom were childless by choice, others not by choice.

There was a chapter on infertility, miscarriage and infant death. This would probably be a good book to promote discussion on the whole topic of women without children and on how being a mother is not what defines a woman.

"For women, childlessness has fundamental implications for their identity. Motherhood to them is a club that you cannot belong to unless you have a kid."

Chapter titles include:

1. Childlessness in America
2. The Pushes and Pulls of Childlessness
3. Impact of Body, Mind, and Family Interactions
4. Consequences of Partnerships
5. Lifestyle Choices
6. Infertility, Miscarriage, and Infant Death
7. Choosing to End Family Dysfunction
8. Processing Childlessness
9. Child Haves and Have-Nots
10. Nurturing Others
11. Childless Women Growing Older
12. Reflections on a Childless Life

Overall, I came away a negative feeling from this book. It focused on the down side of being childfree, portraying women who were infertile and thus regretful, and women who were concerned about getting older and what they should do with the things they leave behind.

The nurturing chapter gives one the impression that women who don't have children can still be nurturers in other ways. This is true. But just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm also a nurturer. The two don't necessarily go hand in hand.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

3,679

What's in a number? Well, I've just submitted an application to add this blog to the directory called Blogs By Women. This is the number of women-owned blogs we hope to be associated with, plus potentially their readers and whomever they are connected to. That is the beauty of the blogosphere. (I just love that word, don't you?) I am sure there are a few Purple Women^TM among them!

As previously experienced with other directories, it is difficult to determine which category we come under. Which heading would you have selected for our topic of focus on childfree women?

• Family & Parenting
• Feminists & Feminism
• Gender & GBLT
• Sex & Sexuality
• Society & Culture
  

The answer will be revealed in a comment here!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Growing Old

I found this appeal posted on able2Know.com:

It appears that I am going to end up single, childless, and alone. This didn't bother me when I was younger, but as I get older, it does. What do people do when they find themselves single, older, and with no family? Any ideas? What kind of supports are out there? Thank you!

Click the above link to see the very good comments and suggestions that were posted in response, including my post suggesting a visit to Purple Women & Friends™

What suggestion do you have for people who aren’t exactly relishing growing old without family or kids?

Flickr photo by Remyyy (cc)

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Step-Parenting: Tastes Great - Less Filling

Guest Post
by Jules
Canadian Telecom Consultant
Blogs: North of the 49th, Floobergeist

Childfreedom wasn't thrust upon me, and yet, I didn't take up the mantle myself all-at-once. It was a gradual process.

As priorities changed, perceptions changed, and careers changed. As I grew up and became more self aware, I began to realize the pieces of my life that were critical; and those that weren't were slowly shuffled to the back of the closet. Having my own children: Not Critical. Participating in a child's life: Important.

At the same time that I realized that I was a child-freebie, I fell in love with a man who had 2 daughters from a previous marriage. I squinted, I wrinkled my forehead in concentration, and I pictured myself in their lives. And it looked good. I could maintain the lifestyle I had built and the freedom I cherished, and add on a new dimension. I didn't need or want to go through the "baby-mother-delivery-give-up-everything, risk your marriage and your personal livelihood to procreate" process, and yet the idea of having a permanent relationship with children wasn't unappealing.

Fast forward 4 years: Every other weekends and every Wednesday night. I get a good, healthy dose of kiddos for 125 hours a month, in bite size pieces. I'm not really a step-mom, although the girls identify with that term more than I do. They're at a stage where everyone needs a label.

I'm just Jules. I'm the one who doesn't need to keep things equal, and the one who's allowed to have favourites.

Who doesn't crumble at the sight of small tears, who tells you to suck it up and get over it. I don't have to be the one who gets up at 3 am, unless I want to. I'm the one who's objective, and plays the devil's advocate. I'm the one who stresses independence and encourages creativity.

Playdates FREAK ME OUT. I involve myself in activities as *I* choose, or not. My goal is to influence, open doors, create opportunities for the girls to experience things they wouldn't normally experience with their parents. I'm their portal into the unexplored. I play on *my* terms, and sometimes not-at-all.

People ask me all the time: "when are you going to have your *own* children?"

My answer: "I'm quite pleased with the children I've got right now, thanks."

Their dad is just that: their DAD.

(cc)Flickr photo by Lorrie McClanahan
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Married Childfree Catholic

Do you remember the Pope voicing his concern about growing numbers of childfree by choice adults? In the blogosphere, there was plenty of coverage on childfree blogs. We are child-free, we are not really Purple; we're invisible until we get identified as a threat, whether it's at a cocktail party or by the head of an institution.

The bigger religious news of the day was the step closer towards sainthood of Pope John Paul II. Even in death he shows us the higher path. According to Pope Benedict XVI, if married couples don’t have kids we are “selfish”. Ahhhhhh! There’s that word that is so liberally applied to married couples who are childfree. I wonder what he thinks of infertile couples? Something to do with, um, Satan?

Why is the church so concerned? What is their stance on the environment? Do you think humans in Europe will really become extinct? Or, just the Catholic ones? Not much chance of that with the big merger that is poised to happen. That’s the big church news this week. The proposal for the 78 millions Anglicans, the church of England, to reunite with the one billion strong Catholic Church. That would make up for a lot of childless Catholic couples, eh?

The childfree choice threatens institutions – the church for example. It rocks the status quo, shifts their base of support. I am not saying that childfree people are not Catholic. My point is that if the numbers of children raised as Catholic diminish, the church’s power is diminished. In other institutions, it’s not the hearts and minds of the people they want, but their wallets.

I think I would be more drawn to the faith of my ancenstors if Rome were a bastion of tolerance, and a little more earth-friendly. If the Pope is so concerned with having more Catholics, perhaps he should allow priests to marry and let women into the priesthood. I am sure that if two priests marry, the union would automatically produce a saint. Genius!

Chilfree News blog did a nice treatment on this topic here.

Flickr photo by pilipala9.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Reader Says

"Dear Ms. Tith:

I read the article in the Sunday Chronicle that made reference to your site, which prompts this email.

My wife and I decided sometime in the mid 1970's not to have children. We enjoyed the usual benefits of two incomes and no kids. And were quite happy with one another.

About three years ago my wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Following two surgeries and many rounds of chemo, she died about four months ago.

I mention this because there is at least one study that suggests that women who have had children have a lower incidence of gynecological cancers.

I am afraid I will always wonder if the choice we made not to have children may have contributed to my wife's death.

There are, in my opinion, many valid reasons not to have children. However, I do believe it would be advisable for women to have a thorough discussion with a knowledgeable gynecologist before making an irrevocable commitment to that choice. Especially if the woman is a member of a genetic group with high incidences of cancer (e.g., Ashkenazi Jews).

It might be useful to your readership to initiate a discussion of medical issues related to non-child-bearing on your website.

Best wishes,

Mr. Nicholas"

This email was the first one in my box yesterday. Nik has given me the topic for my next byline in Unscripted. This will take some research. If there was a study, was it duplicated? Was it definitive? What were the recommended outcomes? In the meantime...

...Purple Women^TM do you have any light to shed on the subject?


Technorati Tag: Childfree

In the News

Katherine Seligman has the byline on this feature story about being childfree in today's issue of the San Francisco Chronicle Magazine. Chris The Fixed Kitty podcaster, our friends Teresa and Jay, and AlphaGirl, a frequent Guest Contributor, are interviewed, as well as our very own LauraS.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

A Woman's Worth

I was reviewing some of my research for the Childless by Choice book when I came across an article posted on the BBC News site in 2004 that asked: Is a woman worth more than the children she bears?

It’s fascinating reading and, as the link is still active, I decided to share this with the Purple Women & Friends™ readers.

This is an excerpt of the story BBC News readers and viewers were invited to comment on:

In Somalia, a hospital in the capital Mogadishu was forced to shut for five weeks following threats to a doctor who removed a woman's womb. Dr Bashir Sheikh said the operation had saved Mrs Fatuma Abdulle's life because she was carrying a dead foetus. Fatuma's family sent gunmen to the SOS hospital, saying she was as good as dead, without a womb.

Never mind that it was her husband who had urged the doctor to do what he could to save her life. And the doctor did save her life. However, this woman’s family cared not. They wanted compensation—50 camels, in fact, the traditional compensation for "a dead woman."

Not surprisingly, this story generated plenty of comments. In my opinion the most eloquent comment came from Tvtandia Cameroon from South Korea:

It's essentially an offensive and dehumanising thought to measure the worth of a woman by the children she bears. Let's also ask if children are worth more than the mother who bears them or better still, if they are more human. Anyone who tries to judge a woman's worth only from her child bearing clearly ridicules and challenges the whole purpose of human life.

Thank you, Tvtandia Cameroon, I couldn’t have expressed it better.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Childfree Pur-spective

I just had to create a post to go with this amazing photo. Purple has many shades, and this one may arguably be fushia (a favorite color of mine) but it does lend itself well to an abstract post about perspective, or pur-spective.

As Purple Women^TM we view the world differently than our parent counterparts. We make different decisions, from the decision not to become a mother, to the things we buy and the people we vote for. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) created a huge guffaw earlier this month with her comment about how U.S. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice's childfree status as a woman affected her judgment about the U.S. war in Iraq. I think Barbara got caught saying what a lot of people really do think about intentionally childfree adults.

Do childfree women value human life any life less because we do not have children?

That's just silly thinking. Consider for a moment that this kind of thinking is backed up in the highest places in our institutions, church and state. Apparently, no one came to Condoleeza's aid at the time of infraction. After all, she is a woman who can defend herself. She chose not to get defensive. Real classy, regardless of what you think of her politics. The childfree choice found unexpected defenders on the conservative side of the page as Jennifer L. Shawne, author of the book Baby Not on Board, details nicely on her corresponding blog (January 14 post).

Barbara's comment sheds light on how childfree individuals are viewed in society. Compare it to the status of the home-owner vs. a renter.

Childfree men and women are viewed as short-term tenants in this life, however far from the truth that may be. Parents are viewed as more committed for the long haul, that next generation.

I don't think an apology is coming at this point, so Barbara got away with "her bad" and will only benefit from the press. As they say in show business, even bad press is better than no press. Beth over at The Blue Star Chronicles does a nice job of summing up the buzz this incident created on the Internet.

This is just politics as usual. If you cannot handle the personal attacks, don't get into politics. I am glad Condoleeza didn't give the press the cat fight they were looking for.

Photo: Originally uploaded to Flickr on August 4, 2006 by Steve took it

Technorati Tag: Childfree