Childfree and Pet-Free

When people ask if we have pets I respond: "Heck no, I can can barely keep a plant alive!"

It’s true. If plants could talk, Home Depot would be at my door demanding I relinquish custody of their neglected fern. My lucky bamboo is lucky indeed, having survived months in stale, stagnant water.

We are childfree and pet-free, in part, because we could never figure out how we could manage to take responsibility for dependent beings, given our crazy lifestyle.

When I married my husband, he was working in international sales and I was a fashion sales agent. There were many times when we wouldn’t see each other for three weeks at a stretch. Our work, and our vacation travel, has taken us hundreds and thousands of miles away from home.

Even now, our luggage is stored in the laundry room so we can unpack, wash, and repack. I suspect there are some pairs of my husband’s socks that have never seen the inside of a drawer.

So when the assignment editor at Unscripted e-zine, a web-based publication focused on childfree living, was looking for someone to write a feature on pet-free CF folks, I volunteered to do some research and report back.

The resulting article No Kids and No Pets exposes the common rationales for pet-free living. I was surprised how many dog lovers I encountered amongst the pet-free. They expressed sentiments similar to mine: my husband and I both like dogs, but we like them too much to leave them for weeks at a time with a pet-sitter or parked at a kennel.

We don’t have pets for many of the same reasons we don’t have kids. I feel guilty enough about the plant; at least I won’t ever have to worry about the animal protection folks or social services at my door.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Something Missing?

I don't know why all our post titles this week have question marks. Perhaps it's a way of saying, "we don't have all the answers". That withstanding, I do have a bright idea (blogable thought if not completely original) based on a comment recently added to an older post titled Pets as Kids?

Furthuring the dialogue about the "child-substitute" label that has been applied to pets owned by childfree adults, Anita writes:

"A friend of mine saw a picture of me looking down at my dog who was laying upside down and said, 'Girl, you need to start having babies.'"

Purple Women^TM know pets and kids are completely different packages of obligation and responsibility. I think that applying the label "child-substitute" makes childed others more comfortable around us to think we are fulfilling a natural urge, but it's none too flattering in implying that something that is lacking.

Is it really so hard for people to imagine happiness in leading a life based on a conscious choice to live differently, say, without children? Sounds a lot like some of the issues gay and lesbian couples face. Hey, at least childfree adults can marry!

[Photo: Buttercup, pictured above is Teri's favorite pet chicken.]

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Growing Old

I found this appeal posted on able2Know.com:

It appears that I am going to end up single, childless, and alone. This didn't bother me when I was younger, but as I get older, it does. What do people do when they find themselves single, older, and with no family? Any ideas? What kind of supports are out there? Thank you!

Click the above link to see the very good comments and suggestions that were posted in response, including my post suggesting a visit to Purple Women & Friends™

What suggestion do you have for people who aren’t exactly relishing growing old without family or kids?

Flickr photo by Remyyy (cc)

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Deep Purple

The most fun on the job I ever had was managing a swim school for children. I only did it for two years and I still cannot go to that part of the Bay without recognizing a former student and parent. That's a nice feeling.

So when an opportunity to support families with children presented itself, I acted upon it. The local school district is in dire need of substitute teachers. The school board approved an emergency certificate to be issued to aid in recruitment. I was given a TB test and they sent me down to the police department for a full set of prints and an FBI and DOJ background check, all of which I passed with flying colors. A bachelor's degree is required and I must take proficiency tests in the 3Rs (and pass them) within a year.

The true test is tomorrow. Tomorrow, I am going on my first assignment: Title I, second grade. Seventy-five percent of the children at this school are second language learners and/or economically disadvantaged. Tomorrow, other people's children (OPC) will be more important than anything else. I will certainly get my "kid fix".

Wish me luck!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Being Needed

I’ve always been very protective of my cats, even since I was young. If they are sick, then I take care of them. If they are unhappy, then I try to cheer them up. If they are in trouble, I want to save them. I don’t know about anyone else but once I adopt a cat it becomes a part of me and I can imagine that being a parent is similar.

I adopted a cat, whom I named Keyser Soze, several years back when I was single. He became a big part of my life because he would go to bed with me at night and hang out with me when I watched tv. He was the only thing I could count on for that period of time.

When I moved back to my parents house he started sneaking outside and this made me nervous since the house was on a main street. Whenever he wouldn’t come home at night I’d go roaming the streets calling his name and not rest until I found him. I remember asking my mom if this panic feeling was what it was like to be a mother and she just gave me a big grin.

Then one day he didn’t come home and still didn’t come home. It turned out he had been hit by a car and I had to find him on the side of the road. The pain was excruciating and it took me a long time to get over that loss.

I love being needed by my cats but I also love how self-sufficient they are. We can be close one moment and the next moment doing our own thing. They don't need constant attention and I can handle the amount they depend on me. If I push them away at one moment because I am busy I don't think that would be considered cruelty.

There is something about caring about another person or a little being that depends on you. I just don’t think I can handle such a huge responsibility by having a child because I still feel I need to depend on myself so much more than I do. Maybe some of us are just never ready to be that needed by anyone.

Furmommy

Some might see my love and attention towards my 2 cats as being a replacement for motherhood but to me that is a very black and white way to look at it. For one thing I think while the feelings for pets may be very similar to the feelings towards children obviously pets and humans have a lot of differences.

I've always loved cats a lot but that's not to say I love all cats. When I went to pick up my cat Aurora from a friend who's cat had a litter I wasn't thinking of it as a need to nurture or raise a little being. To me I just like to have cats around, I like their personalities and I find they make everyday life a little better.

If having my cats meant I had to bring them to school everyday and help them with their homework every night I am sure it wouldn't be for me. I love how independent cats are and how little they require from you. I like how I can bond with them and help take care of them without it taking over my entire life.

Maybe I think of them as my children because to them I am the closest thing to a mother than they will ever know. Not much in this world fills me with such happiness as realizing how much my little furkids love me and need me.

We've been having a lot of emotional problems with our girl cat Aurora as she's been attacking the boy cat Pilot constantly. This all started when we moved to the new house and started letting them outside. Then the other day I was sitting on the couch when Aurora came to sit next to me. Aurora actually sat on my lap and looked up to me with her big beautiful eyes. I wanted to cry because she'd only done this maybe two other times in her life.


I look at my little furkids and love how I've watched them grow up and take on very strong personalities. I think one of the best parts of it is I can ignore them for hours on end doing my own thing and nobody will report me for being a bad mother.

Maybe also calling my cats my furkids is a way of letting the public know that I love my cats as others love their children. That these cats will most likely be the closest thing to children I ever have and quite honestly that kind of love is immeasurable.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Pets as Kids?

When someone suggests that my cats are my children, it raises the hair on the back of my neck. I don’t like child-substitute thinking. There is a huge difference between pets and children and it's a stereotype that often gets placed on childfree people. It is a sign of a pro-natal society and thinking, thinking that assumes something is missing.

"Oh you have pets, they’re your children,” said the realtor in a condescending tone.

“No, my cats are my pets.”

Imagine how the comment above would cause emotional pain for someone who was really trying to start a family.

A parent/grandmother friend of mine wisely points out that children grow up, go to college and sometimes move out. Pets just stay and stay and love you unconditionally until they die. I am not looking forward to this last part. I have an older cat and his kidneys are starting to fail. It is sad to see him declining.

This same friend recently forwarded a funny letter written by a pet owner called “Dear Dogs and Cats.” Normally, I groan when something like this lands in my email In box, but this one was quite entertaining. I particularly enjoyed this quote:

If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

I try to warn people that I have cats before they come over. (Some people should warn about their children – ha, ha). Some of our friends actually bear their suffering allergies just to accept our dinner invitations. When friends come to dinner with their children, the cats hide under the bed. Only my cats are child-haters, not their owner - really.

My point, and I do have one, is that adults with children enjoy pets as much as infertile couples and childfree Purple people do.

[Photo: Foot Job by Miss Lucy, and yes, it felt great.]

Technorati Tag: Childfree Pets Pet-substitutes

Child Substitutes

Got pets? Some childfree sterotypes involve the idea of filling in for something that is lacking (kids). I may have my thinking wrong on this, so please feel free to correct me. I am married with two cats, and you? I wonder how many Purple Women^TM have pets they adore and dote on? This is my Vladimir. He and I were a package deal when I met my future husband, Tom. Thank goodness he was not allergic!