A Message From Down Under

An unexpected email from a Purple Woman in Australia was the best gift I could have received this Christmas. It convinces me that just posting a new article once or twice a year is not enough effort to keep the content and value of this 2-year intensive blog project alive. My big task for the new year is to take steps to preserve it, so that it will continue to provide a measured, balance perspective on what it is to be a Purple Woman. It is empowering to be self-defined.

She has given me permission to share this letter to herself.

Madeline's Story: A Letter to Myself

Today is the beginning of a new outlook on life. This weekend we made the decision to not continue on the IVF path. Not next year. Not ever.

For me it is also a conscious decision not to continue on the ‘infertility’ path.  That may sound strange, because technically we will remain, by definition, ‘infertile’.  But today, and every day from now on, this is not how we define ourselves.

Spending our emotional energy, our time and our money trying to bring ‘something’ into our life implies that there is something missing.  And that is what has kept us on the IVF roller coaster and turned both of us – I guess me especially – into anxious and (if I’m being honest with myself) at times unhappy people. What I have come to realise this week is that there is nothing missing.

We have a loving, fun, deeply committed relationship and we have a choice to make.  So many of our choices have been made for us that I almost forgot the one we can still make – we can choose not to define ourselves by what we don’t have.  We can choose to get off the emotional rollercoaster that is ivf. We can choose to embrace a different life. Not a lesser life, but a different one…maybe even a fuller one.

Yesterday I read that ‘There is only so much time in a day, a week, a lifetime, and if we don't raise children, perhaps we "raise" something else.’  Something about this blog excerpt resonated with me because, deep down, I know that I have something significant to contribute to this world. And I know that we both can make a mark, as individuals or as a couple.  And that mark isn’t going to be children. But it will be something just as meaningful.  We might change the life of people less fortunate than us.  We might find a way to bring light into dark times that other people suffer through. And through doing this we will probably learn, in a deeper way than we now recognise, that we are so very lucky to be two healthy, bright, driven people.

Apart from leaving a mark on this world, there are smaller – but significant – ways that we can embrace our life and be happy that we have made this choice.  We will have a freedom that other people cannot.  We can have dinner at 9pm on a Tuesday night over candlelight and a bottle of wine. We can nurture our love in a selfish, indulgent way.  We can come home at midnight after a night out with friends… no babysitter, no guilt. I can pursue a fulfilling career without the guilt of having to divide my energies and time.  I can continue singing and musical theatre and the joy that brings without feeling overcommitted.  We can go on extravagant or adventurous holidays every year. Every year. No putting it off. No having to find ‘child friendly’ hotels.  No waiting until school holidays.  We can explore other cultures and learn new things. We can take a whole year off work if we want to and travel the world (well, maybe later when we can afford it). We can go for long walks holding each other’s hands, ending up at a cocktail bar on the river if that’s what we feel like. We can enjoy the simple things in life…good food, good wine, expensive restaurants, lazy Sunday afternoon wines.

We don’t need anybody else in our lives to be fulfilled. There are many things that can ‘complete’ someone and there are many expressions of our love for each other.  In the past, I was so sad that our beautiful love would never be reflected in a child. What I am focused on now is nurturing and protecting that love and having fun with it.   There are other things that our love will be weaved into.  We might volunteer overseas together… we might give something back in a way that others can’t.  Importantly, we can move forward without resentment of other people’s fortune. Because we are going to be fortunate in other ways. We are going to feel fulfilled and satisfied and free. We are going to make a difference. We are going to focus our energies on our marriage, on our own identities and passions, and on our friends – some that we have, some that we will meet.

Most importantly, we will feel whole and happy because we have a deep love that we can spend every day investing our time and energy into and nothing will compromise that.

[Editor's note: This Purple Woman's name has been changed to protect her privacy. 
Special thanks to Flickr member Wim Mulder for sharing his photo via Creative commons. CC]

For more information about the choice to be childfree, read through the archived posts on this blog (hint: you will find them sorted by topic in the sidebar), or visit Laura Scott's "Childless by Choice Project". Laura is an author and filmmaker and a former contributing editor of this blog.

Purple Women Love Opera

I and my Purple girlfriend shared accommodations, gas expense, and driving duty driving to L.A. to attend the Opera Conference last week.

I didn't reflect upon the fact that not only were we both childfree, but so was our hostess, as well as the other lady friend we connected with while we were down there. The long drive home up I-5 gives one ample time for pondering such things.

My CF status is neither forward, nor hidden, it simply is a fact. It has taken years to get to that place emotionally and mentally. Two years of reading every book I could find on the subject, and blogging about it on this site, helped me get there. It is a good place to be. I no longer actively seek friends who are Purple like me, I gravitate towards them naturally. I have friends on both sides of the fence. I simply have more in common with those who are not parents with kids at home.

Being involved with my local opera company, on a volunteer basis, brings me into close association with a lot of retired folks whose children are grown. I have been told they have daughters my age. Age is something else I do not think about when making friends. This has served me well all my life.

There is only so much time in a day, a week, a lifetime, and if we don't raise children, perhaps we "raise" something else. It could be any cause, group, or a business. It opens up a world of possibilities, or as we like to say at Livermore Valley Opera, "opera-tunities".

Purple Again

People used to ask me why "purple" women? It's a long story. Unless you for some unknown reason hate that color, the term when used to modify the word "woman" is relatively neutral, and begs definition. I propose that it was open to definition.

The short answer is "I like to be self-defined, so I created my own label." Too often women without children, either by choice or by accepting their circumstance, struggle with society's labels for them. Childless or childfree, or child-free like smoke-free and ozone-free?

When I began this blog, three years ago, I was living out of the country, connected only by phone and the Internet with loved ones and friends. My husband were uprooted and living in Toronto, Canada for two years while he completed his work assignment abroad. Our relationship was in a little Petrie dish of life. It was interesting to see what would grow, including some wonderful friendships. We, as a couple really had to put some thought and effort into making those connections. I established this blog in the relative comfort of that big, world class city that makes it all too easy to be anonymous.

I have to admit, as we transitioned back home, to a small, suburban town with rural roots in Northern California, I was not too keen on being so out of the closet as a Purple Woman. It was my husband's home town after all, and as small as the one I grew up in. "Better to blend in" was my thinking. In reality, that has never been possible for me, almost everywhere I've been. I have instead embraced "not fitting in" as a personal motto.

I have evolved so much in the last five years. This blog was a big part of that emotional journey. And that's just the middle part of my story. Stay tuned!

Adieu

This journey has come to an end for me. I have to follow my heart, because life is not all about blogging. Sometimes you just have to log off and simply live it. When I started this blog, I thought I would write a book. I decided to focus on blogging instead.

Purple Women^TM is my trademark, yet I admit I know not what to do with it from here. I have reached a turning point in this project. It has served its purpose. I decided not to invest the time in publishing a book. Nor do I have ambitions to turn this into a revenue stream. Is anyone out there really marketing to childfree women? (Okay, I could turn that into a longer post, but it is time to close the door on this project, as new ones have opened for me!)

To my fellow bloggers, especially contributors to this site, Guest Posters and Regular Contributors alike, a huge thanks for blogging along and exploring the childfree topic with me these past few years. I'd like to think we helped our Co-Contributing Editor, Laura Scott along her path to actually publishing her book. She announced recently that she has secured a publisher. Wish her well, and please check in at her website from time to time: The Childless-By-Choice Project.

The comments will remain open and monitored by me, the Creator and Editor of this unique blog, however, without new posts our readership will drop off and Blogger will only continue to host this site as long as there are visitors. At some point, all our work here will be deleted by a mindless robot (aieeeeee!!!). We have collected 2+ years of posts here, all on the topic of being a woman who is childfree. My final task is to make a back up copy for posterity.

Feel free to explore!

This blog is officially closed. I invite you to visit me over at my personal blog: Peggy's Place.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

PW in Costa Rica

Purple Women^TM travel. They don't have to wait for spring break or summer vacation. They can go to Costa Rica during the peak season (now ending). If you go "high-end", you are almost assured a kid-free experience. We tend to avoid places that advertise themselves as "family-friendly", not that I mind a little interaction with the younger set now and again.

Thanks to LauraS for putting up the posts while my husband and I were commemorating out 10th anniversary of marriage in this tropical locale. I highly recommend Costa Rica, as many of our friends did for us. Whether your high is zip-lining, sport fishing or birding or just sunning yourself by the pool and sampling the local cuisine, you will appreciate the jungle remoteness with all the amenities. One night a baby boa constrictor landed on a tree branch in full view of our dinner table, close enough that we got pictures!

Costa Rica has one of the most stable economies in all of South America. They have a thriving middle class, and the government subsidizes their tourism industry by offering mandatory standardized training in preparation for this field. English is compulsory at the high school level, so it is really up to individual if they really want to learn. We were vacationing right alongside Costa Ricans. They are wealthy enough to enjoy their own tourist offerings.

When I thought it was all over, (life is just one big adventure, eh?) and we were just killing time at the San Jose Airport, I saw this pin exchange display offered by a bank along with their money exchange service. I traded a Purple Women^TM button for a Costa Rica one. What fun!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Celebrity Baby Mania

By LynnS
Regular Contributor
Ireland, U.K.

. . .and What it Means for Childfree Women

Okay, Purple Women^TM . . .I have a challenge for you! Open any newspaper or magazine, browse any Internet gossip site. See if you can find any articles, interviews or pictures regarding celebrity moms and their pregnancies or babies.

That wasn't much of a challenge at all, was it?

We live in a celebrity-obsessed culture, no doubt about that. So is this fascination with celebrity babies a harmless offshoot? Or is there a more disturbing implication? And what does it mean for childfree women?

Articles about who's "infanticipating" and "yummy mummies" abound. We're bombarded by up-to-the-minute reports about every single detail of celebrity reproduction, no matter how trivial or boring or personal: weight gain, pregnancy cravings, who's trying for a baby, who may be pregnant, who was "too posh to push" and who wasn't.

My head will explode if I have to read another gushing article along the lines of "Motherhood is the best thing that's ever happened to me/it's the most unconditional love you'll ever feel/I loved being pregnant/I was wearing my size zero jeans three weeks later/I cycled home after the birth," etc. (Okay, so I exaggerated the last part but at the rate things are going, it wouldn't shock me).

So why does this obsession with celebrity pregnancies and babies bother me so much? Shouldn't I just dismiss it as superficial-yet-harmless fluff? Can't I tell myself it doesn't affect me and forget about it?

Except it isn't harmless. And it's a fantasy that's portrayed as reality - with insidious, far reaching consequences. I'm willing to bet that the average woman's experience of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood is a million miles away from the way it's portrayed in glossy magazines.

How many times have you read an article speculating as to whether or not a female celebrity is pregnant? The speculation seems almost frenzied if the woman does not have children. It never seems to occur to anyone that maybe said celebrity is perfectly happy and likes her life just the way it is.

How many times have you read an article referring to a female celebrity, no matter how successful and significant in her field, as mother of (insert number of children here).

As if that is all she is. As if that is all that matters. As if woman automatically equals mother.

The underlying message seems to be: it doesn't matter how successful you've been. Life has no real meaning or value unless you reproduce. You'll never be truly happy or fulfilled until you do. Oscar-winning actress? Nobel Prize winner? Astronaut? CEO of a Fortune 500 company? That pales in comparison to what society considers your real worth, your greatest achievement: your ability and willingness to reproduce.

In 2008, is the most interesting, worthwhile, laudable thing about a woman her womb? And that is what I find so disturbing.

This has implications for childfree women, too. Most Purple Women^TM know what it's like to feel isolated from time to time. Chances are, we've all thought "Am I the only woman in the world who doesn't want children?" when yet another friend/relative/colleague announces their pregnancy. We've all probably found ourselves in work and social situations where we're the only women in the room who don't have or want children.

Most Purple Women^TM know what it's like to feel dismissed or belittled from time to time. The myth that a childfree woman is less mature and less responsible, less feminine even, than a childed woman persists. All this celebrity baby mania means that a childfree woman is isolated and dismissed even further.

I'm stating the obvious, I know, but Purple Women^TM are savvy enough to understand that motherhood has always been romanticized. The thing is, motherhood is practically a fetish now and that should concern us, because there's something frighteningly regressive about it.

It's very worrying that this celebrity baby mania/mother worship is happening now - at a time when women's reproductive rights are coming under increased attack on a global basis.

Coincidence? I think not.

So what can we do?

First, I think that we can take a step in the right direction simply by casting an objective eye over the portrayal of celebrity motherhood/celebrity baby obsession. Let's recognize it for what it is: idealized fantasy. We are not media dupes, after all.

The harsh reality of what pregnancy, birth and motherhood can do to a woman's mind and body is not what sells magazines. Most of the general public are not interested in that - they want and expect the Hallmark card, not the real thing.

So the next time you come across a "Kodak moment" article or picture tell yourself that it's exactly that.

• We can remind ourselves that giving birth does not mean you will become automatically whole and wise and instantly adjust to the role of mother.
• Happiness and satisfaction will not be achieved by caving to societal pressure.
• Happiness and satisfaction will be achieved by staying true to ourselves.

Then again, if you're a Purple Woman, you already know that.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Meet SteffO

Purple Women^TM have really come out of the woodwork this week -- um, or should I say closet? I was so pleased to correspond with several childfree women by email. I encouraged SteffO to elevate our dialogue and contribute the next post.

Her topic is unique, though her situation may not be.

Steff Osborne, 31, lives in Gainesville, Florida, and is a counselor and activist in the local mental health community.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Purple Women Get Bloggy on November 15

Purple Women^TM Count, and they blog about it. Thanks to the following childfree women who put up leading posts and helped me get the word out about our staged online event:

BritGirl Childfree and Invisible

Philadelphia Bunnyface Not as Purple as I Should Be

M Are the Childfree Invisible in our Society?

Shelley End of Tunnel: Purple Women Count

The articles above are great commentary. They are long and well thought out, so get your cup of tea or coffee and pull up a chair.

• M points out that in the end, we really have more in common than not, and perhaps that's what we should focus on.
  
• Philly Bunny talks about the pain of family pressure and why she does not like to reveal that she is childless by choice.
• BritGirl puts a fine point on just how excluded we are, and explores whether or not we represent a true social movement. (She also does a follow-up post, see links below.)
• Shelley, a Regular Contributor at PW&F, explains why she would prefer to read childfree women bloggers...and where are they anyway?
  

Your comments would be most appreciated on their posts. That's the beauty of the blogosphere. It's all about the dialogue!

Big news, we have their attention my fellow Purple Women:

I contacted the organizers of BlogHer's 2008 Convention to be held in Chicago and suggested they consider having a panel of childfree women bloggers. They replied favorably and asked me to get back to them with names of potential panelists and a list of questions. Who's in?

I am also working in the background to develop our very own PW blogroll. Yes, I think we should point out why, and asked to be included as Women Without Children in other supposedly inclusive women-centric sites, and we can also get organized and do it for ourselves. We will probably never be mainstream, but we are getting harder to ignore.

Also check out these Purple Women^TM to see what they write about on our day...

Dani Purple Melange

Neda A Childfree Choice: A Purple Letter Day

Escape Brooklyn Top Ten Reasons I Don't Want Kids

Beany Being Purple

Angry Grrrl Childfree Women: Blog and Be Counted on 11/15!

CalliGrafiti Childfree Blogger

Ravan Another Ravan Perch

Addy CF Unscripted

BritGirl Childfree ... Do We Count?

Amanda Jayne Purple Women Count

LunarKitty Purple Women Count Today

My thanks to all those who have contacted me, who have inserted a button, and posted notice of our staged online event on childfree forums and groups lists. If you'd like the HTML code for the PW button that links to this blog, please email me directly (I love to hear from readers).

Wear it with pride ladies!

Technorati Tag: Childfree

One Size Does Not Fit All

by LynnS
Regular Contributor
Ireland, UK

I can vividly remember an older cousin giving me an annual one Christmas. The annual was called "Misty" and it was based on a horror comic (now sadly defunct) aimed at girls aged about 10 - 14. I was thrilled and being a bookworm even then, I immediately sat down to read it. My mother was dismayed and tried to take it off me, insisting it was too scary and it'd give me nightmares. I stubbornly refused to hand it over. (In fact, I think I sat on it). "I don't care if it gives me nightmares," I wailed. "I didn't get a Glow Worm last Christmas so I'm keeping this. I like spooky stories and I kinda like being scared, so there!" Did I mention I could be a brat?

Joking aside, it would be years before I understood the subtext and significance of the conversation. My mother wasn't attempting to spoil my fun; she was trying to protect me. There was an assumption back then that girls (of my age, anyway) just didn't like horror. In retrospect, I can see that the real danger and damage lay in the assumption that all girls are the same. In other words, that one size fits all.

Except it won't. How could it?

At school, it was drilled into us that we were all unique, that there is no one else on the planet quite like us. True. Yet society seems to say one thing and do another. As I entered my teens, I was bombarded by conflicting messages which ultimately seemed to say "yes, you're an individual and you can be yourself - so long as you still toe the line." Toeing the line, I would soon discover, meant having children.

One of the great victories of the feminist movement was the recognition that women are people in their own right and that women are entitled to the same choices and opportunities as men. Doesn't it stand to reason, then, that as unique individuals we won't want the same things in life? Is it so surprising, therefore, that some of us will make the choice not to have children?

Why is this so hard to accept in the 21st century?

It strikes me that, regardless of whether or not you consider yourself a feminist (and I do) that choosing not to have children is a very feminist statement. Think about it.

Feminists fought tooth and nail so women would not be defined by their wombs. As a childfree woman, you're saying, “Okay, so I have a womb but that doesn't mean I have to use it. I won't allow myself to be defined by it either.”

You're rejecting the societal script and opting for a road less traveled, and that alone can make people nervous.

Some women have or will have children. Their business. Their decision.

Other women (we Purple Women^TM) will not have children. Our business. Our decision. One that's equally valid.

Let's embrace and revel in our differences. The fact that Purple Women^TM are childfree unites us, but we're also unique individuals. Think how unbelievably boring the world would be if we were all carbon copies of one another.

I'll finish by thanking my cousin, first of all, not just for giving me an annual I still love! Whether she realized it or not, she did so much more than giving me an annual. By doing so, she was really saying “I know you don't like or want the same things as most other girls but you know what? That's okay.” What matters is not what people may think. What matters is finding out who you are and being true to yourself.

Those nightmares my mother was worried I'd have? I had plenty. There was one story about a severed hand that scares me even today. But I was able to examine my fears and I survived and came out stronger as a result. There's a lesson to be learned there, maybe. . .

Last but not least, I'd like to thank Purple Women^TM everywhere. You know that Sesame Street song "It Ain't Easy Being Green"? Well, sometimes - let's be honest - it ain't easy being Purple either. But you make all the difference. Constant, inspiring reminders that one size does not fit all.

Flickr photo taken by Franz66's Dad, shared by franz66 (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

Steal This

Purple Women^TM I cannot figure out how to make the code to have this button link to our blog. Not much time to fiddle with HTML these days.
Feel free to wear this badge of honor in your own sidebar! (Just right click and save as a JPG file, then upload according to your blog hosting instructions as you would any other image.)

Update to post: I asked for help from Annie at BlogU, and she sent me the proper code, as below:



The identical-looking button (the lower one) actually links to this blog's home page! If you'd like the HTML to use this on your own site, just send me an email. I plan to turn this into a bonafide PW Blogroll as we go boldly go into our third year of this team blog. Now, who can help me write the javascript?


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Letter to a Purple Woman

From time to time, I hear from a Purple Woman. I have been encouraging women to connect with me by sharing my email, with promise of a PW button mailed in return. One reader inspired this reply:

Dear Susan,
Thanks for writing to me. I really enjoy hearing from a reader directly. It motivates me. You are lucky to have found a Purple Man, of course, I assume. He could have children from a previous marriage. You mention that your retort to those who ask The Question (Do You Have Children?) is an innocent, "I was blessed with infertility!" That is a very safe response, and can engender pity. I too discovered myself unable to have kids in my early 20s. I didn't want to travel that path, but it took me a long time to embrace the happiness that can be found in walking the less traveled childfree path.

When there is not a reason, like a fertility issue that childed others can get their minds around, it is difficult for them to grasp the idea that an adult would choose this life. The mainstream media has focused on these individuals first, but now the coverage is starting to broaden. Their questions are getting better. I was contacted by a grad student reporter who claimed to be doing an article for the New York Times and he wanted to focus on those who we call the early articulators. I tried to tell him there is way more to the story than that. We didn't do the interview.

Such a foreign idea, that one who is able to have kids and does not wish to do so, can make a person of strong faith, regardless of denomination, defensive of their scripture. Not everyone has the same grasp on religion; interpretations can vary. There are childfree church-goers, to use a convenient Christian term. We have had two bloggers associated with our blog who have covered this religious aspect of our existence. In fact, Shelley, our Regular Contributor, leads a bible group for childfree couples at her congregation.

The misunderstanding is not just founded in religious belief. The concept that an adult can and would choose to take a step away from "what we were put here to do," as one relative put it to me, goes against their personal belief in the rightness of their actions, and reveals that they believe their "truth" applies to all others.

I did not mean to write so much. But, in truth, there is so much to talk about. That's why I started this blog two years ago!

Be well,
Teri
P.S. I really only meant to say, yes, we still have more Purple Woman! buttons and I am mailing yours today.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Quote From A Reader

Purple Women^TM , I know you will appreciate this pull quote by Judy, a reader of this blog, reflecting on her status as a childfree woman:

"Socially, I feel has been the hardest part of all - which is probably why I'm writing this. You do look for people who think like you or have been through similar experiences. Motherhood is glorified and it was difficult to take the road less traveled."

You can read the rest on the comments that LauraS received on her thought-provoking post titled Been There, Done That on October 17.

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Is Marriage Good For You?

Generally, yes, according to David Popenoe, a sociology professor and co-chair of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. In an article posted on the Discovery Health website, Dr. Popenoe exposes the benefits and myths around marriage.

So what are the benefits?

More wealth for women and better health for men, and more frequent and more satisfying sex for both genders, compared to unmarrieds.

What about the myths? Well, here’s one Purple Women™ can identify with:

Marriage Myth 2: Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.

Fact: Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

Currently, divorce rates hover just below 50 percent of first marriages in the United States.

So how do modern marriages compare to those of our parents? Popenoe observed that modern marriages are not any happier: "Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those of 20 or 30 years ago, significantly more work-related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interaction."

Flicker photo by Pencils and Pixels (cc)

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Do Your Breast

A certain body part has come under particular scrutiny Purple Women^TM. You know the ones, they come in pairs are considered by many to be "weapons of mass destruction," they are associated with erotica, and most recently deemed objectionable by Facebook when a mother posted a photo of this body part exposed while nursing her baby. Frankly, I am more offended by swearing in public.

Women are so villified, and not just by Islam. I blog about this today because there is a Purple Woman out there doing something about it. Her name is Sue Richards. She is the Breast Health Empress -- breast health, not breast cancer. Breast health includes having healthy attitudes towards our breasts and our bodies, and how to care for them -- before a diagnosis. Let's call it preventative.

Denise, over at BlogHer is an official Breast Ambassador (you can become one too) and she posted about this topic recently. I also met Sue at BlogHer. In fact, she was the first person I met. We were sitting out by the pool because we both had registered so late we could not get in to the first day. Each of us had flown all the way from Ontario, Canada to be at BlogHer '06. We marveled at how far we had to come to meet each other when we lived, at the time, in the same province.

I later went to interview her at her home in Guelph, right before we moved back to California. I will feature her in a new series of posts called Profiles of Purple Women. With her permission, I will publish her story on this blog. Stay tuned for the upcoming story. She is a self-described Social Entrepreneur and a heroine of mine.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Ahhhh....Helen!

A quote by Helen Mirren posted by Childfree New England..

Technorati Tag: Childfree

When is a Purple Woman Green?

I watched part of the Live Earth concert series this past weekend. The music and media stars who participated in the concerts in New York, Tokyo, Shanghai, Johannesburg, Hamburg, London, Rio de Janeiro, Sydney, and Washington waived their appearance fees and pledged to cut their CO2 emissions.

So I am inspired to come up with new ways to reduce my personal environmental footprint.

Hmmmm. I already recycle; I bought the expensive "sundowner" windows for the house to save energy; I carpool when I can; I changed all the exterior lights to the energy-saving ones. But I can do more.

I pledge to use cloth bags for groceries. I pledge to refill my plastic water bottles instead of buying more. I pledge to continue taking my birth control pills.

Looking back on my Fourth of July week on the beach—all those discarded swim diapers, styrofoam coolers, and plastic beach toys—I’m thinking that my birth control pledge might be the easiest and best one yet.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Contributor Guidelines

Purple Women™ Team Blog
Contributor Guidelines

Mission Statement
The purpose of the Purple Women™ team blog is to…
• Create a community of online friends
• Manifest a socially significant dialogue about being childfree, and…
• Unite Purple Women™
• Dispell myths about who and what we are in society, our institutions and families.

The Team
Purple Women™ blog team members, Regular Contributors, are childfree women -- all! Our ideal team is diverse in opinion, age and background, and fluent in English. Team members have responsibility for introducing topics by publishing original blog posts, and participating in discussions (commenting on other’s posts).

Some turn-over is expected. Blogging is not for everyone, and sometimes you don’t have as much time as you think, but hopefully being a contributor will become a habit and a hobby you enjoy. Becoming a Guest Contributor is also an option.

How Often? Posts vs. Comments
Regular Contributors are encouraged to post – on a weekly basis, once or twice a month at a minimum. At the very least, please keep up by reading and commenting on other’s posts. The goal of this blog is to have fresh content on a weekly basis, a minimum of 2-3 posts per week. More is okay too. Fresh content keeps our reader’s attention.

You may want to subscribe to the blog using the Feedblitz form in the sidebar. That way you will be notified of new posts by email when they appear on the site. Only the first paragraph will appear in the email, and only once a week on Fridays.

Dialogue is the goal, and comments brings value to readers and enlighten us all to different perspectives. Participating in the online discussions via commenting is just as important as original posts (and they take less time to create!).

Content
Before you put up your first post, make sure you know where we’ve been, from an editorial standpoint. You can view the previous posts by searching by Topics, found in the sidebar. If you want to do a “Book Review,” just make sure it hasn’t already been covered by another contributor!

Here are some ideas for posts:

• Famous PW
• PW in the news
• Answer to: “Do you have kids?”
• Role Models
• Choice vs. Circumstance regarding childfree status
• Childfree stereotypes in the media
• Book Reviews
• Telling your parents/friends/co-workers you are childfree
• How you came to be childfree
• Why you are childfree
• What your unique childfree holiday traditions are…
• Religion and the childfree
• Culture and being childfree

The above topics may have been covered, but not from your unique perspective!

Administration
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The administrator has access to all blog posts, so if there are typos…they will magically disappear. The administrator will not change your words or your content without discussing it with you first. The administrator cannot alter comments, but can delete them entirely if they are off-color or offensive.

Next Step:
Send Teri an email if you are interested in becoming a contributor to the Purple Women™ team blog, and send her your topic idea.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Life Like Art, Like Blog

I was recently reconnected with an old friend, a former neighbor from when I live in the City. That's San Francisco for all of you who do not live in my big city proximity area. Bay Area locals simply call it the City, never Frisco. My friend is an artist and a Purple Women^TM and we spent the day at SFMOMA together. I was her art buddy for the day.

Our Purple adventure began on a Monday night, with an overnight, as my friend lives some hour and a half more remote than we do, in a straw bale house with four wells and solar panels -- no Internet, something we couldn't do without. After turning down a sub job and breakfast, we bundled up and headed for the BART station. We had to chant the parking karma chant several times before we got lucky in the back 40, nearly a 10-minute walk back to the station.

A nine dollars and fifty cent roundtrip later, plus one dollar for parking, we were rewarded for our efforts by not having to find parking in the City, and a museum discount of $2.50 on the special exhibit when we showed our BART pass. I had no idea what we were in for, or even which museum we were headed for; just a willing participant in my friend's good hands. We saw the Picasso & American Art exhibit and got a feeling for what a stir he created and why in the art world with cubism. It was interesting to see the other artists of his time whose art was on display beside his. What caught my eye most was the fourth floor exhibit, the huge monotone "study in color" work of Bruce Marden. His work is the kind that most people think of when you say modern art and think, "I don't get it".

We may all start with a decision or circumstance which results in our common status as childfree adults, but where you go from there depends entirely on what interests you. Life, like art, like blog?

There were lots of seniors and students exercising their discount mid-week, and us, two forty-something childfree women. The seniors were congregating around Picasso and his cohorts. The students would stare for ever at the big work of Marden. Not being an artist myself, I was probably paying attention to all the wrong things. Then my friend would reel me back in with a comment about technique and art history, which made the experience a little more educational.

One piece in Marden's The Muses series stood out for me. It was a rather organic looking piece of connecting green-hued lines, achieving a three dimensional look to it. One could almost imaging vines intertwined, passing, looping, connecting. I thought of journeys, a highway possibly, or more esoterically, the paths we chose in life. The piece was one of his largest works of art, at least eight feet tall and eighteen across. I sat there and stared at it a long time.

I concluded that this particular artwork was like this blog. It doesn't matter where you begin, what day you discover us, the journey will be uniquely yours, even though you may be visiting some of the same places. As you navigate, some topics may seem familiar, posts of a similar vein will be encountered. We may all start with a decision or circumstance which results in our common status as childfree adults, but where you go from there depends entirely on what interests you. Life, like art, like blog?

Alas, I could not post a picture of it here, no pictures are allowed in the museum. You'll just have to visit it for yourself and tell us what you think!

Flickr photo by kwei

Technorati Tag: Childfree

Purple Blessings

Guest Post by D²
Career Woman & Mother of two girls
Contributor at Diary of a Decision Blog
San Francisco Bay Area
I am not a Purple Woman by any stretch — I am full-time working mother of two girls 6 and 10 and recently separated having been married for the past 18 years.

My life, along with everyone else’s, is complicated, now just in a new way. My sanity and spirits remain positive because of the love and support of my family and a wide circle of friends—many of them Purple Women^TM and Men. Working full-time and participating in different activities puts me in contact with lots of interesting people, many of whom by circumstance or design are child-free. I don’t know what I would do without the affection and companionship of the Purple folk in my life.

For the first time in 40 years I didn’t have a family to spend Easter Sunday with, but my Purple peeps made sure I was with them. When I needed someone to mind my girls on Tuesday nights for ice skating show rehearsals, all three Purple Women^TM I emailed were able to cover all the dates with back ups, just in case someone had to travel (in fact, they enjoyed coming over so much that they want to continue Tuesday girl’s night through the summer). One calls from Minneapolis every day just to check in. Another one asked me to help her do a head to toe makeover. And still another is going to take me ballroom dancing with her husband. And these offers are not just limited to the Purple Women^TM — there are even Purple Men in the mix offering to take me out for drinks, dinner, movies and providing dog sitting.

So here’s to all to the Purple People in my life—you know just the right things to say and do to keep me moving forward. Blessings to all of you: my gang at CPTS, LAG, LB, MA, CVM, AF, SK, AG, EW, KG and the others that the Universe provides every step of the way. Ever grateful AWE (a.k.a. D2)


Technorati Tag: Childfree

iVillage Thank You!

Last year, our women-centric blog was accepted for potential blog syndication by BlogBurst. I was excited for the honor, then nothing much happened.

The way it works is that your blog's content has to be approved as worthy by the editors at BlogBurst, then online publishers who participate in their program view your material through a special portal where they can search by region or topic. More and more newspapers are participating across the country and some publishers, like iVillage, are online exclusively.

The top 100 syndicated blogs get paid. We're not on the leaderboard yet, but I am pleased to report that for the last two months we have been picked up by iVillage in our first actual syndication. We made their short list of interesting blogs by, for, and about women featured on their front page. This is where some of our new voices have come from. No time to take a nap ladies! Let's get bloggy with it!

Thank you iVillage for making childfree women a part of your online community. iVillage covers everything from pregnancy to what to wear at your second wedding. You see gals, we really are an important part of the village. A healthy village has all kinds of people in it, even Purple ones.

Flickr photo by caultron

Technorati Tag: Childfree