White Picket Fences

I have from time to time advocated for speaking out. Too often, Purple Women^TM are invisible and blend into the crowd. After two years of blogging here in this topically focused blog about being a woman without children, I have been approached by reporters who are interested in the subject.

My most recent interview was conducted on my cell phone, which got very hot in my ear, while I was sitting in my car in the grocery store parking lot. The story was published today in the TimeOut section of the Valley Times, a publication of Contra Costa Times. I am not in it, thankfully. The story is about regret. The self-identified "childfree" women that I meet here do not identify with being childless, they embrace their choice, whether it is circumstances or health reasons, or adamant super-conscious decision-making alone.

These empowered, self-defined women are not what this article is about. The reporter focuses on those who miss out on the American dream of the car, the house, the 2.5 children and a white picket fence. "Gimme a straight jacket!" It's a depressing read:

Childless by Fate, Choice: Coming to Terms With What Might Have Been by Jessica Yadegaran

I guess I should not be so surprised by the piece. I am living in the heartland of the East Bay suburbia. They have to cater to their readership. The burbs are where people go to raise children. So Purple Women will remain invisible. This newspaper probably has no idea how many of its readership are confidently, childfree or childless by choice. It all depends on your perspective.

Flickr photo by roujo (cc)
Technorati Tag: Childfree

In the News

Katherine Seligman has the byline on this feature story about being childfree in today's issue of the San Francisco Chronicle Magazine. Chris The Fixed Kitty podcaster, our friends Teresa and Jay, and AlphaGirl, a frequent Guest Contributor, are interviewed, as well as our very own LauraS.


Technorati Tag: Childfree

Lucky

There have been people in my life who believe that I will someday regret my decision to remain childfree.

I’m forty-five and I have yet to feel even a tinge of regret. So it seems unlikely, but who knows? Perhaps at sixty or seventy I will regret not having children, but I suspect it will be the same kind of regret that I feel about the fact that I did not take some time off after graduating college to tour Europe.

Last night in a small group of non-parents, we were joking about how we’ve come to regard our childfree states. I said I still describe myself as childless, by choice. Laughing, he said, "I’m childless, by lucky."

At the time, I didn’t have any money to spare and the prospect of Europe on $10.00 a day, hitch-hiking and bedding down in tents and hostels, didn’t appeal to me.

So while my friends were touring Europe, I went straight into the work place and I was self-employed as a fashion sales agent by the time I was twenty-five years old. Financially, I was in pretty good shape. I took pride in the fact that I owned my own business, I had no debts and a car bought for cash. Only after my marriage at age twenty-six did I start to travel the world.

A part of me regrets not taking some time off to follow my friends to Europe or to work on a cruise ship and travel the world for a year or two. But, in retrospect, I’m glad I made the choices I did. They were the right choices for me at the time and I have reaped rich rewards from the experience of struggling as a small business owner.

I suspect the same will be true of any regrets I may have about not having children. Motherhood undoubtedly would have been an interesting and challenging experience too, one that I might have taken great pride and delight in. However, when I look back, there was so much I was able to do as a non-parent that I cherish. I can’t imagine my life any other way.

An acquaintance of mine is close to sixty. Many years ago, he and his wife had hoped to have a baby. She became pregnant and miscarried. Was there regret? Of course.

However, with time he’s come to see that, perhaps, it was meant to be. Last night in a small group of non-parents, we were joking about how we’ve come to regard our childfree states. I said I still describe myself as childless, by choice. Laughing, he said, "I’m childless, by lucky."


Technorati Tag: Childfree

PW Top 10 Posts

Here are the posts with the most number of comments thus far:

# Author, Post Title (Date of post)

20 Robin, Fence Sitting (8/25/2006)
16 Robin, Childfree with Child Support (11/9/2006)
16 Twiga92, Career or Child? (10/16/2006)
14 Teri, Respect and Little Dose of Humor, (8/1/2006)
14 Teri, Purple Men (4/15/2006)
13 Robin, A Childfree Life (7/7/2006)
12 Teri, Pets As Kids? (10/28/2006)
12 Twiga92, Married and Childfree (10/18/2006)
11 Twiga92, Being Christian and Childfree (5/25/2006)
11 Robin, Furmommy (11/3/2006)
11 Robin, Why I Will Never Be 100% Childfree (7/17/2006)
11 LauraS, Something for the Gratitude Journal (10/6/2006)
11 Twiga92, Friendships (11/18/2006)
11 LauraS, But Can She Walk in Those Jimmy Choos? (4/30/2006)
11 Robin, Peace and Quiet (6/29/2006)

Okay, okay, so there are 14 posts on the list. What was I supposed to do with a seven-way tie for 11 comments?

I am so proud of these posts, they really represent our best. Kudos to the team!

Enjoy visiting them again (or for the first time). None of these conversations are closed, so feel free to weigh in.

Technorati Tag: Childfree