May 14, 2007

Teri's Top Ten Reasons

Why Childfree Adults are so Controversial:

  1. We have given it a lot of thought, and we made a conscious decision not to have God’s gift to the world.
  2. When someone meets us and asks, “Do you have kids?” and we answer, “no,” we don’t want to talk about their kid anyway.
  3. Some of us think we think we are actually helping the earth by not having children.
  4. Some of us own an SUV even though we don’t have multiple sport kids.
  5. We expect the same compensation package at work and the same work hours, even though we don’t have kids to raise.
  6. Future tax payers “don’t grow on trees”.
  7. We think Sponge Bob is a friend who wants to borrow money.
  8. Everyone thought we’d be a good parent, and we didn’t do it, against everyone else’s better judgment.
  9. We have been deemed good breeding stock and we didn’t give it up for flag and country.
  10. We continue to have sex, even though we have no intention of procreating.
Purple WomenTM and friends, do you have other "reasons" to share ?

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Anonymous said...

Because occasionally parents wish they weren't. And that's not "allowed" under the current system.

LauraS said...

The one that bothers me the most is the suggestion that I, as a WASPy blue-eyed blond and responsible citizen, should be the one having kids.
My mother was born in Nazi Germany and, like her, I reject any idea that ethnic cleansing, selective breeding, or eugenics could possibly lead to anything that would benefit our society.
These ideas just perpetuate bigotry and the idea that success, good citizenship and morals are genetic. This is typical Nazi thinking, and I can't of anything more counter to what we like to call "the American Dream."

emeraldwednesday said...

#9 and #10 are the best! I think those are the deepest objections to the CF, and the ones people don't realize they have. Now- how to change them...

Oh and here's mine:
Because misery loves company. (ie, "if my house is a mess, and I'm sleep deprived and going crazy from hearing the Barney song for the 11 millionth time, I want to make d*mn sure you're in the same boat")

Anonymous said...

Because many of us childfree women have flat tummies, slim waists, and no stretchmarks or varicose veins...the moos don't, and it's not fair. Related to that is the fact that childfrees have happier marriages and are more likely to stay married to their original partner, mainly because we have time for cudding, sex (we can still feel it go in!), and full attention to hubby. Again, cry the moos, not fair.

Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed to read this post and the comments. Up until now, this site has seemed really open-minded, kind, gentle, and really speaking about childfree people in a positive way. Here I see the same slams and tearing down of parents I see in all other childfree places on the web, and it's disheartening.

I am childfree, but I dislike huge general "we" statements about the childfree, because, well, we're all snowflakes, and we're not all the same or of the same mind. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't want to hear about my friend's kids, for example.

I can imagine this was a humorous post, meant to be light, and I'm not trying to say "shame on you" or anything like that, but some of these comments already are very cruel towards parents and I find that kind of slamming troubling and strange.


- Terri

kT said...

I don't mind hearing about my friends' children, but I hate being cornered by strangers and/or acquaintances and being regaled with stories of puking infants or Junior's class play. Children are not a universally fascinating topic to me.

What I see most often in the reactions -- besides being told that I will change my mind, as if those who are parents "know better" -- is judgment. As though my decision not to reproduce reflects a judgment on their decision to reproduce, so they must judge me in return. As unfit, or selfish, or just wrong.

I have put more thought into my decision not to have children than many people I know have put into having them.

Anonymous said...

Some of us feel the world is becoming a worse place to live rather than better. I personally don't feel it's right to bring another life into this world.

Tiara Lynn said...

A major reason that I get a lot is this:

We have (presumably) perfectly fertile bodies, perfectly fertile partners and are "wasting" them while some women who actually want children "must" struggle through fertility treatments.

No disrespect meant to the infertile... I've seen friends and family go through it and there's no denying that it can be devastating. But it has absolutely nothing to do with me or my body.

Kate said...

TL, I've heard that one, too. Just because you can't have kids and want them -- and I might be able to but don't -- does not mean that I should make up for your loss. It wouldn't, anyway. No infertile couple is going to feel better if I have the child they can't conceive. It doesn't make sense.

*My* parents went through infertility. They adopted.

Anonymous said...

I dont' find anything "cruel" or "strange" in the comments. What I do find is people finding this to be a space to finally speak up uncensored, and maybe for the first time, free of judgement from others. Whenever I see a generalized "we" statement, I ask myself if it applies to me, and if it doesn't, I move on.
Some of the more colorful comments may be coming from those who are finally feeling safe in speaking out.
There are many shades of Purple...just think how boring things would be if there were just one shade of Purple.
My two cents as to why CF folks seem so controversial: Maybe our well-thought out choice flies in the face of the ambivelance of some parents, who may not have had a choice. I've found that parents who are secure and happy with their choice are respectful toward mine, while those who had little say or poorly thought through their decision tend to be a little more judgemental. Water off this duck's back =)

-AlphaGirl(Blogger i.d. lost)

emeraldwednesday said...

Not to worry, Terri, I actually don't have anything against (most) parents. After all, my sister is one. I'd had a day where I'd been judged and was feeling annoyed when I made that comment. I'm back to my sweet self now.
I think we all get frustrated once in a while.
And kt- great comment; I feel the same way. I love hearing about my nieces and my friends' kids, but in general a close relationship with the parents is a prerequisite for my having any interest in their offspring. And I also agree about the judgement thing- sometimes I find people think I'm judging them for *having* kids, which I would never do. Different life choices for different folks, that's all.

Liz said...

Childfree adults - and especially women - reject the societal script and that alone makes people nervous. Most CF women I have met are very strong and gutsy - they have to be to withstand the disapproval and hostility they encounter all too often.

Robin said...

I don't want to bring children into this world, sometimes I don't know how I made it this far.

Maureen said...

I'm really happy being a parent. It makes my own personal marriage stronger as we do this together.

And, I totally respect men and women who think it over and decide that this is not something that they want to do. I respect them more than any parent who has children without the full intention of giving them all of the attention, time, patience and sacrifice that they need to be responsible, empathetic, secure people.

I really don't respect name-calling, though. Name-calling is not a very respectful way of communicating.

Teri said...

Thanks all for your comments. This was my first attempt at satire and I was copying the master -- David Letterman!

And, yeah, I don't approve of name-calling. It is not cool or respectful to call a parent a moo. We do not do that on our front page posts. I will allow the comment here to stand simply to make the point.

A few months ago, I changed the sidebar where I had the Ground Rules (a rather lenghty set of them) posted. I changed it to encourage more comments and give instructions on how to actually do that. Also, I suspected the Ground Rules were turning people off from commenting at all. Here they are again, just as a reminder:

Ground Rules
No Flaming, and please keep to the topic of the alternative, childfree life experiences and questions. Let’s have some fun!

Spell check in a word processor before posting your comment, then simply cut and paste it into the comment field.

Try to avoid jargon, acronyms and “insider” terms so that others will be able to follow the conversation.

Use a pseudonym or just be anonymous. We recognize that these topics can be very intimate.

It’s okay to disagree. This is a place for discussion and all viewpoints are valuable, however if your comments are off-color or off-subject, our finger will be hovering over the delete button.

We reserve the right to close a conversation once it has run its course.

Now our sidebar reflects the simplified version:

Keep it clean, not mean.