My boyfriend has a 7 year-old daughter and even if I never meet her I will always in some way have a child in my life. This was a hard pill for me to swallow and at times still gets my stomach in knots.
I met my boyfriend more than 3 years ago and fell in love harder than I ever had before. He was going through a difficult divorce when I met him but despite all that I was taking on I was sure fate had a plan of it’s own.
I remember very well the day it really sunk in that he had a child already and I remember an intense feeling of panic. I realized he had a child he was responsible for and would be a part of his life forever. I had to put a lot of thought into whether he was worth taking all of this on and to the shock of many people he was.
Even though I still at that point didn’t want children of my own I began my own process of accepting his child in whatever way she was going to be in our life. I knew however it worked out it wouldn’t be easy but I felt our relationship could withstand anything. In my mind I saw at some point she’d stay with us on some weekends and holidays but I figured it would be unlikely we’d ever have sole custody.
Not only did we not get full custody but over three years later I’ve still never met her and she is not a part of our daily lives. She is although very much a part of my love’s heart and soul. I have to live with how it eats him alive to not have her a part of his life and how helpless he feels. Considering he also pays child support; his daughter effects us significantly in a financial way even though he can’t be a part of her life.
So whether or not she’s staying at our house or we’re just helping financially raise her, she’ll always be a part of our lives and that is something I’ve learned to accept. It’s hard being someone who doesn’t want the financial and emotional aspects of having children still having to bear the burden but it’s something I had to come to terms with to be with the man I love.
If ever the day comes that I will be a living/breathing stepmother to her I will do the best I can and try to be someone she can look up to. At the very least I can be someone she can talk to; that’s something I know I can do.
Technorati Tag: Childfree