March 04, 2006

Friendships With Moms

I don't like calling my middle niece. She's 35 years old, lives in another state, and has four sons--two teenagers, and two still in grade school. Our conversation is constantly interupted by her yelling at the kids. No "excuse me" or "could you hold on a moment?", just a sudden blast of expletive deleteds as she gets on her sons about something they are doing or not doing at that moment. Another childfree friend of mine had to dissolve a friendship because of that issue. "Besides," she explained, "we really didn't have much in common."

Many of the women I know have adult children, so their conversation no longer primarily consists of what cute/annoying things their kids have done. We can find common ground on other things like work problems, being time-challenged, and the changes that come with being middle-aged, for example. It can be challenging to have common ground with someone who has small children, unless they have other interests outside of motherhood. In my experience, it is easier to find that with a mom who works outside the home, as opposed to one who is a stay-at-home parent.

1 comment:

ChrisR said...

This is why I still love my best friend, even 2 godsons later and with her being a stay-at-home. When we're on the phone and the kids (8 and 4) come up to bug her, she just says 'no, I'm on the phone with Chris right now'.

I love that she a) sets boundaries for her kids and b) lets them know they are not ALWAYS the most important thing in her world.