February 28, 2007

Many Changes Ahead

As you know I consider myself a “fence sitter” although at this point in my life having children of my own is a definite no. In fact, if you’d asked me 5 years ago I would have said not only did I not want children but that I had no interest in dating a man with children.

Skip to 5 years later and I’ve met the man of my dreams but he comes with a daughter. Over the years we build a life together, buy a house and just recently get engaged. A week after getting engaged it dawns on me “even if I never have a relationship with his daughter I will be a stepmother” and I find it a little strange how hard this hits me.

Given I’ve been with him for 4 years and been along for the many court dates involving his daughter you’d think I was very aware that this would be a part of my future. It’s amazing how something so obvious doesn’t quite become reality until that reality is in plain view.

I have to accept the fact that his daughter may become a part of our lives and in many ways I will be a mother. If she’s out with us I will have to have her best interest at heart and if she’s at our house I will have to make decisions. I find it very strange I could be in the position of a parent while still being childfree.

While the concept scares me a little it is something I’ve put a lot of thought into over the years and my fiancé and I have discussed at length. It’s all about dealing with the challenges that face you and doing the best you can in that moment. I think if you are with the right person you can get through anything and I believe we will.

[Photo originally uploaded to Flickr on September 29, 2004 by slimejack.]


Anonymous said...

Robin - There's so much here I want to touch on. First off, congratulations my dear!

If there were only two people in a room and one was an adult and one was a child. Who would be responsible if something bad happened? What if it is your house? It really doesn't matter whose child it is, we are all part of the village. People need to look after each other.

I have a step-mother. She's wonderful and she told me right after we met that she didn't want to be called that. She is my Special Mom. I actually call her by her first name, but I think you and your step-daughter get to decide.

It's okay to change your mind. I have a theory that we all start out as Purple Women, some of us stay that way forever. I wonder how your step-daughter-to-be would feel if you did? Those will be some big emotions I am guessing.

My friend Sue told me last weekend that even though she had her miracle baby at age 40, she could have been totally happy being childfree. This puzzles me a bit as she is still trying for a second. It's a lot for a 40-year-old woman's body to go through, especially when there are disappointments.

There are lots of Purple Women out there who are also step-mothers. It's really all about how you define yourself!

Robin said...

Thanks Teri - yeah it's all about taking things as they come and figuring how it works for me. If ever his daughter comes into our lives I'll have a lot more to talk about that's for sure.