Guest Post by M
San Francisco Bay Area
Blog: M's Blog, Bay Area Love Letters
Babies, babies, babies. Five year plan for motherhood: engaged by (fill in desired age), married by (age), pregnant by (age ), first child by (age). Must stick to plan, must find suitable sperm donor, also known in some circles as "father," to cooperate with plan. Sperm donor must make enough money to allow mother to quit working outside the home and to engage in most important job an individual can do (forget brain surgeon, firefighter, teacher, and the like. Please. Raising one child is much more important), sometimes referred to as "working inside the home," and also commonly known as "SAHM" (stay-at-home-mom).
Lately, it seems everything I read, see, and hear is about babies. As a woman of prime baby producing age, I am very much out of the loop when it comes to the baby obsession sweeping my age group.
What to do? You can't escape it. The baby mania is everywhere. My eyes glaze over as I read the latest blog post about a mother's love for her child, part 20,000, by the latest blogger to turn mommy in my blog reading repertoire. The writing quality has gone down, while the ick factor has escalated, sharply. Time to cross another one off my list.
There isn't much new to say in the I love my child more than anything and it's the greatest experience on earth to be a mom realm, and the frighteningly undistinguishable blog comments, which I could crank out in my sleep after having read so many of the same ones over and over, praising the precious infant and adoring the loving mother ("This is the most beautiful post ever. A mother's love for her child is just so . . . so . . . precious. I am crying now as I write this. It is all just so . . . so . . . moving."), are just so . . . so . . . so . . . predictable and sickeningly syrupy sweet that they nearly put me into a diabetic coma.
Did everyone receive some sort of baby drug that drives them to praise everything baby (even poop is cute if it belongs to a baby!) and shed tears at the slightest mention of a child's existence? And why didn't I get a dose then (not that I want one, mind you)?
Well, not to worry, I could easily carry on a parenting conversation with the baby obsessed if I so choose. Just insert the following words into a paragraph or verbal exchange: "Precious, most amazing experience ever, changed my life, nipple, motherhood, little man, nothing like it, he/she's perfect, from the moment I saw her/him, priorities, most important job, baby, baby, baby."
M's Note: This is meant to be a humorous depiction of what occurs when you read too many posts about baby poop. Please don't read into this what isn't there. I support well-behaved parents and non-parents alike, just so long as they aren't dull, cheesy, and monotonous (just kidding--sort of!).
[Flickr photo by MichelleBlack]
Technorati Tag: Childfree
March 23, 2007
Guest Post by M