March 23, 2007

Baby Fever

Guest Post by M
Blogger
San Francisco Bay Area
Blog: M's Blog, Bay Area Love Letters
Babies, babies, babies. Five year plan for motherhood: engaged by (fill in desired age), married by (age), pregnant by (age ), first child by (age). Must stick to plan, must find suitable sperm donor, also known in some circles as "father," to cooperate with plan. Sperm donor must make enough money to allow mother to quit working outside the home and to engage in most important job an individual can do (forget brain surgeon, firefighter, teacher, and the like. Please. Raising one child is much more important), sometimes referred to as "working inside the home," and also commonly known as "SAHM" (stay-at-home-mom).

Lately, it seems everything I read, see, and hear is about babies. As a woman of prime baby producing age, I am very much out of the loop when it comes to the baby obsession sweeping my age group.

What to do? You can't escape it. The baby mania is everywhere. My eyes glaze over as I read the latest blog post about a mother's love for her child, part 20,000, by the latest blogger to turn mommy in my blog reading repertoire. The writing quality has gone down, while the ick factor has escalated, sharply. Time to cross another one off my list.

There isn't much new to say in the I love my child more than anything and it's the greatest experience on earth to be a mom realm, and the frighteningly undistinguishable blog comments, which I could crank out in my sleep after having read so many of the same ones over and over, praising the precious infant and adoring the loving mother ("This is the most beautiful post ever. A mother's love for her child is just so . . . so . . . precious. I am crying now as I write this. It is all just so . . . so . . . moving."), are just so . . . so . . . so . . . predictable and sickeningly syrupy sweet that they nearly put me into a diabetic coma.

Did everyone receive some sort of baby drug that drives them to praise everything baby (even poop is cute if it belongs to a baby!) and shed tears at the slightest mention of a child's existence? And why didn't I get a dose then (not that I want one, mind you)?

Well, not to worry, I could easily carry on a parenting conversation with the baby obsessed if I so choose. Just insert the following words into a paragraph or verbal exchange: "Precious, most amazing experience ever, changed my life, nipple, motherhood, little man, nothing like it, he/she's perfect, from the moment I saw her/him, priorities, most important job, baby, baby, baby."

M's Note: This is meant to be a humorous depiction of what occurs when you read too many posts about baby poop. Please don't read into this what isn't there. I support well-behaved parents and non-parents alike, just so long as they aren't dull, cheesy, and monotonous (just kidding--sort of!).

[Flickr photo by MichelleBlack]

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15 comments:

cipher said...

You nailed it!! Great post. No disclaimers necessary. It's so true! It does seem like it keeps getting worse. Or maybe it's just that I keep getting further into my 30's and am growing more sensitive to it.

manoo of the cherry said...

Very good. Most of the effusive stuff seems quite often to be lies. A friend who has a baby said she was crying all the way to work the other day because the baby had been up all night crying inconsolably and she couldn't stand it anymore. At least she tells the truth!

I also find it interesting that I dont need to keep telling everyone how wonderful it is to have peace and quiet and to hear my own thoughts...

Anonymous said...

I think it's really interesting how there are lots of blogs by new moms or about babies... but where are all the "it's great to be a mom of a teenager" blogs? Is it not so much fun later on, perhaps? Maybe their poop isn't as cute.
I'm not a big fan of babies, but I think it's really sad that they've been turned into a fad.

AlphaGirl said...

Yep, babies have become the new "purse dog" There is a line of infant clothing that has messages on the front such as "Future Trophy Wife" "Pimp" and assorted other mindless things. There are more designer infant clithes ont the market than ever. I am not a fan of babies in any sense, but I do wonder about the emotional welfare of these trendy babies.. What will happen with these kids when they are no longer "Cute" "fulfilling" "the most important job in the world" " a bundle of love", and therefore no longer blogworthy?

On the flip side, my friends who have teens are happier with parenthood then when the kids were infants. Why? Because those drooly, diapered babies have morphed into funny, passionate, stubborn, opinionated, loving, moody, goofy people. In other words, card-carrrying fully articulate human beings. That's a mom-blog I would love to read!

M said...

Maybe the baby mommy bloggers of the future will continue blogging as their children move on to the teen years? It may just be a demographic thing, maybe more young people blog and they are more likely to have babies? Or they may be blogging through the transition of becoming a first time parent and then don't need that outlet by the time their kids are grown?

Either way, those blogs bores me to tears. But, then, I already said that in my post. Thanks for the comments, you all.

Colleen said...

i totally agree with Cipher. you shouldn't have to add a disclaimer that this is supposed to be humour - screw that, it's only because of the fact that random aggressive SAHMs and the like who think we HAVE to procreate. having kids is NOT the be all and end all for life. drives me nuts that others people think it's REQUIRED. bah. (yes, i've just found purple women - can you tell?) ;)

emeraldwednesday said...

Lovely post; you've captured my own feelings on the mommy blogs perfectly. At least nobody forces me to read them, but the overall trend to see infants and stay-at-home motherhood with a soft-focus aura of total awe bugs me no end. I wonder how many of them would sometimes like to post something like manoo's story, but are too afraid they'll get completely flamed by the rest of the mommy bloggers...

M said...

For those who speculated about the disclaimer: Its inclusion is due to my own overly heightened sense of diplomacy (courtesy of my father, who is the same way, but far worse) as well as an irrational fear of being misunderstood (courtesy of my mother who specialized in misunderstanding me), rather than due to any expectation of incurring the wrath of the mommy blogger.

I, unfortunately, tend to approach all "controversial" (read: any comment that might offend even one person) comments I make, especially in writing, in this manner, and it is probably, as pointed out, not at all necessary. But, it is one of those pesky little habits carried around since childhood that insists on sticking around despite its uselessness (kind of like tonsils).

Thanks all though for the supportive comments. I totally appreciate all of them.

LauraS said...

M
Diabetic coma indeed! Like alphagirl, I would love to see the blog for moms of teens. I used help run a leadership for 15-18 year olds. When the parents met their kids at the bus after a week of camp, I would introduce myself to some of them and say (sincerely) something like: "I really enjoyed your child this week. She's delightful!" They would look at me funny and respond, "Are you talking about my child?"

AlphaGirl said...

From childhood on, I've always found it interesting how Hollywood will put it's older child performers out to pasture, deeming them "no longer cute enough".

I see it happening in real life, too, although in a much more subtle fashion.

Art imitating life, or life imitating art? Either way, it's just wrong. Just look at the scarcity of mom of tween/teen blogs.

Jennifer R said...

Hah, I love this. I hate when someone has a baby and then the next year is ALL ABOUT THE BABY. Nothing else whatsoever. Yes, that's wonderful for you, but it's certainly nothing new to read for anyone else, even those who like babies, I suspect.

One blog I liked has pretty much devolved into her posting pics of her baby...and the baby is just plain ugly. It's nice that he's loved and all, but oy.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you, but as one of those SAHMs and Mama bloggers, I have to say that the reason we blog is that our lives have shrunk down considerably. Really, our days and nights are filled with our little charges. If we did not gush with love for them, we would throttle the little creatures. We are biologically geared to respond to them in this way so that we don't kill them (literally!). And we probably stop blogging when they get bigger because we finally have access to the outside world again... freedom!

Teri said...

Well said SAHM.

Teri said...

M - Thanks for this great post!

M said...

Thanks, Teri, and all other commenters.

M