March 27, 2007

Maybe a Baby

As part of the documentary component of The Childless by Choice Project, I have been following up with two undecided couples, one in Canada and one in the U.S.

The Canadian couple has decided to have a child and are expecting this summer. As an "early articulator" who, at 15 years old, had decided to remain childfree, I always hated when people suggested that I might change my mind. So did she, but later she acknowledged that she was changing her mind. She wanted to have a child.

What I absolutely love about this couple is their decision-making process. It was so intentional. Not only did they constantly check in with each other about how they were feeling about the prospect of a child, they spoke to others, and they went back and forth over the pros and cons of parenthood. They are going into parenthood with their eyes wide open.

As the husband said during one of our interviews, "If we have a kid, everything will change." He wasn’t sure he wanted everything to change. Much about their childfree life was very good. But after and long and arduous period of indecision, they choose to have a child together. Just one.

I hold them up as a model of intentional parenting. Their baby is a very lucky soul.

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Libby said...

My husband and I were in our early thirtys and had been married four years when we decided to look into why we hadn't got pregnant. Turned out low sperm and polycystic ovaries. We sat down several times and talked about whether we wanted to go any further and decided we really didn't want little children (we had been working the last three years with disturbed teens.) We have never been sorry about our decision. What's funny though is during the early stages of menopause, I would have these killer baby longings once a month for a couple of days--purely hormonal--during the time I used to have my period! We would be very "careful" during those times because my Grandmother had a baby two years after she thought menopause was over! Wish I had had an organization like yours to talk too when we were making our decision.

Robin said...

That is wonderful to hear! This is what is most important to me, people taking the decision seriously and really thinking it over.

Teri said...

Libby - thank you for acknowledging our efforts and for taking the time to leave this comment.

Robin - Yes, it is okay to change your mind. Think it over, be sure. What ever you decide will be right for you.

In the meantime, blog on Purple Ladies!