September 16, 2006

Never Say Never

Recently I was reminded by a college classmate of mine that I had used the phrase "never say never" in college. At the time, I had used it in the context that I didn't want to become a pastor's wife. But knowing that things change, I said "never say never", knowing that I could fall in love with someone who would be a pastor (going to Bible college, a lot of the guys there were training to be pastors). My college classmate had come across my blog and was intrigued by my childfree choice. She asked me about my phrase and what that meant in regards to my childfree status.

There is still possibility out there that I could have children. In that sense, I would still say "never say never". For me it comes from my belief that God is in control and if He desires I have children, then He could orchestrate it. The chances of my becoming pregnant are extremely slim since my husband has had a vasectomy. However, if somehow I did become pregnant, I already know that my beliefs are such that I wouldn't have an abortion. Most likely, my husband and I would choose to give the baby up for adoption since we don't have the means to raise the child and do not want to be parents ourselves.

In the beginning of our marriage we talked about the possibility of changing our minds in the future. We knew that there was the option of adopting if we decided someday that we wanted children. But we felt strongly that we were making the right choice for us. Now, as we approach our 9-year anniversary, I have no doubts that we made the right choice. I still have no desire to have children. I'm past the 30-year mark and my biological clock is definitely NOT ticking!

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LauraS said...

I enjoyed your post. I interviewed a couple for my doc and book project who had a post vasectomy nephew. It happens. I've always thought that if God wanted me to have a child I would have one too despite my diligent birth control use.
Many childfree couples I have interviewed say that if they ever change their mind and decide they want a kid they will adopt. So if you do have a child and decide to put it up for adoption, there may be a childfree couple out there who's decided they want a kid after all.

alpahgirl said...

For me, the biological clock concept never held much water. I think socio-cultural brainwashing that takes place from the time we are kids and doesn't let up until menopause.

I'm not a big fan of "never say never", either, but in the case of kids, NEVER is my choice. Yay for permaenent birth control! =)

alphagirl said...

Arrggh! Too many miles in training today..
***I think it's socio-cultural...***


Heh.I can't use Mommy Brain as an excuse!

Teri said...

For those who don't know...doc refers to documentary (not doctor). Yes, we have such talented people as contributors to out blog! Cannot wait to watch this feature on PBS. I am sure she will do us Purple proud.

Re: the Clock. My view is that it's a matter of biological fact. Women have a certain number of years in which they can conceive. And the upper limit to that is being pushed all the time. (My own cousin, 41, is going to have her third child next month!)

I am fascinated by the dialogue surrounding the whole ticking clock. It's not a time bomb for goodness sakes. Some women simply pay no mind because their minds are made up.

Robin said...

I wish I was more sure but it's hard to rule things out when we all change on a daily basis. I didn't even want to get married until a few years ago...I was dead set against it.