December 02, 2006

Childfree in Social Settings

Purple WomenTM may need a little fortification when attending their company picnic/bbq/holiday party. Regardless of the season it's good to go armed with a dose of humour in these less-than anonymous social settings.

Those still pretending to be a future mom (you know who you are, when strangers say "no kids yet?" you reply "maybe some day")...
...may want to roll these potential retorts over in their mind as a they touch up their makeup and dash out the door.

Here are some good one-liners that will give people a clue as to who you really are (witty and charming, and Purple of course, right?):

Q: Any children?

A #1: Oops, we forgot to do that!

A #2: We're supposed to have kids?! (With a mock horrified look on your face.)

A #3: No, we have cats. We can leave them alone on the weekends...(wink).

A #4: No, let's talk about sex instead...(in your best Kim Cattral voice if it's someone you're attracted to!)

A #5: Never had the urge, I just enjoy my fill-in-the-blank too much to give it up.

A #6: You know, I was really hoping you'd ask me that, but let's talk about
fill-in-the-blank instead...!

A #7: I think my mother's calling me...(and just walk quickly in the other direction).

A #8: Did my mother put you up to this?

A #9: Hell no! I create enough garbage for landfills on my own. (Don't actually recommend this one, because a horrified parent might think you are talking about the child itself, not the amount of trash they generate!)

A #10: Why would I want to do a thing like that? Perfecting my golf game (or
fill-in-the-blank) is way too important to me.

Which one of the above fits your Purple personality?

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AlphaGirl said...

None of them, really. I just look at the person and say "That's kinda personal, doncha think?"
They either change the subject or move on.
Joking about it, and hemming and hawing only invites more insensitivity from those who are insensitive in the first place. A direct approach has always worked best for me. =)

twiga92 said...

It's so tempting for me to just say "oh we can't have any". Which is true - Jono's had a vasectomy. But unfortunately that comment often leads to sympathetic sighs and "oh I'm so sorry". Which I then want to reply -"but I'm not sorry".

Anonymous said...

You can also try this one:

"I can't bear children".

Let *them* figure out which way you meant it!!!

I never had the guts to try this one back wen I got such questions (at 40, I don't seem to, much, anymore!).


Teri said...

AlphaGirl - You are absolutely right. It is a very personal question. I think more men would be prone to use this as their first knee-jerk reaction. Women just seem to go personal so much faster in a conversation.

Twiga & Elise Being vague can be the easiest route, but lead to "pity" and unwanted consolations, which may make you feel like you're living a lie if you continue the conversation.

Lisa said...

My husband's favorite:

Idiot: "So when are you and Lisa having kids?"

My husband: "Not having any. I had my wife spayed."

The horrified looks he gets are precious.

Of course, it's sort of true: I had a hysterectomy a year ago, so technically I am "spayed".

fiat lux said...

Generally I use the, "no, we have cats" line.