December 02, 2006

Childfree in Social Settings

Purple WomenTM may need a little fortification when attending their company picnic/bbq/holiday party. Regardless of the season it's good to go armed with a dose of humour in these less-than anonymous social settings.

Those still pretending to be a future mom (you know who you are, when strangers say "no kids yet?" you reply "maybe some day")...
...may want to roll these potential retorts over in their mind as a they touch up their makeup and dash out the door.

Here are some good one-liners that will give people a clue as to who you really are (witty and charming, and Purple of course, right?):

Q: Any children?

A #1: Oops, we forgot to do that!

A #2: We're supposed to have kids?! (With a mock horrified look on your face.)

A #3: No, we have cats. We can leave them alone on the weekends...(wink).

A #4: No, let's talk about sex instead...(in your best Kim Cattral voice if it's someone you're attracted to!)

A #5: Never had the urge, I just enjoy my fill-in-the-blank too much to give it up.

A #6: You know, I was really hoping you'd ask me that, but let's talk about
fill-in-the-blank instead...!

A #7: I think my mother's calling me...(and just walk quickly in the other direction).

A #8: Did my mother put you up to this?

A #9: Hell no! I create enough garbage for landfills on my own. (Don't actually recommend this one, because a horrified parent might think you are talking about the child itself, not the amount of trash they generate!)

A #10: Why would I want to do a thing like that? Perfecting my golf game (or
fill-in-the-blank) is way too important to me.

Which one of the above fits your Purple personality?


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5 comments:

twiga92 said...

It's so tempting for me to just say "oh we can't have any". Which is true - Jono's had a vasectomy. But unfortunately that comment often leads to sympathetic sighs and "oh I'm so sorry". Which I then want to reply -"but I'm not sorry".

Anonymous said...

You can also try this one:

"I can't bear children".

Let *them* figure out which way you meant it!!!

I never had the guts to try this one back wen I got such questions (at 40, I don't seem to, much, anymore!).

Elise

Anonymous said...

AlphaGirl - You are absolutely right. It is a very personal question. I think more men would be prone to use this as their first knee-jerk reaction. Women just seem to go personal so much faster in a conversation.

Twiga & Elise Being vague can be the easiest route, but lead to "pity" and unwanted consolations, which may make you feel like you're living a lie if you continue the conversation.

Anonymous said...

My husband's favorite:

Idiot: "So when are you and Lisa having kids?"

My husband: "Not having any. I had my wife spayed."

The horrified looks he gets are precious.

Of course, it's sort of true: I had a hysterectomy a year ago, so technically I am "spayed".

Rachel Luxemburg said...

Generally I use the, "no, we have cats" line.