Childfree in Social Settings
Purple WomenTM may need a little fortification when attending their company picnic/bbq/holiday party. Regardless of the season it's good to go armed with a dose of humour in these less-than anonymous social settings.Those still pretending to be a future mom (you know who you are, when strangers say "no kids yet?" you reply "maybe some day")...
...may want to roll these potential retorts over in their mind as a they touch up their makeup and dash out the door.
Here are some good one-liners that will give people a clue as to who you really are (witty and charming, and Purple of course, right?):
Q: Any children?
A #1: Oops, we forgot to do that!
A #2: We're supposed to have kids?! (With a mock horrified look on your face.)
A #3: No, we have cats. We can leave them alone on the weekends...(wink).
A #4: No, let's talk about sex instead...(in your best Kim Cattral voice if it's someone you're attracted to!)
A #5: Never had the urge, I just enjoy my fill-in-the-blank too much to give it up.
A #6: You know, I was really hoping you'd ask me that, but let's talk about fill-in-the-blank instead...!
A #7: I think my mother's calling me...(and just walk quickly in the other direction).
A #8: Did my mother put you up to this?
A #9: Hell no! I create enough garbage for landfills on my own. (Don't actually recommend this one, because a horrified parent might think you are talking about the child itself, not the amount of trash they generate!)
A #10: Why would I want to do a thing like that? Perfecting my golf game (or fill-in-the-blank) is way too important to me.
Which one of the above fits your Purple personality?
Technorati Tag: Childfree
5 comments:
It's so tempting for me to just say "oh we can't have any". Which is true - Jono's had a vasectomy. But unfortunately that comment often leads to sympathetic sighs and "oh I'm so sorry". Which I then want to reply -"but I'm not sorry".
You can also try this one:
"I can't bear children".
Let *them* figure out which way you meant it!!!
I never had the guts to try this one back wen I got such questions (at 40, I don't seem to, much, anymore!).
Elise
AlphaGirl - You are absolutely right. It is a very personal question. I think more men would be prone to use this as their first knee-jerk reaction. Women just seem to go personal so much faster in a conversation.
Twiga & Elise Being vague can be the easiest route, but lead to "pity" and unwanted consolations, which may make you feel like you're living a lie if you continue the conversation.
My husband's favorite:
Idiot: "So when are you and Lisa having kids?"
My husband: "Not having any. I had my wife spayed."
The horrified looks he gets are precious.
Of course, it's sort of true: I had a hysterectomy a year ago, so technically I am "spayed".
Generally I use the, "no, we have cats" line.
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