January 25, 2007


Last week, I put up a post flogging myself publicly for deleting a dissenting opinion comment that had initially annoyed me. Today, I found it intact. I had not deleted the comment at all!

Not only am I Purple, I am human and I make mistakes. Here is the comment I could not find last week:

"Creative Commons is about sharing. So is having children, by the way, although some suffer for the loss of that gift. I don't subscribe to your negative message, but I share regardless, as God does with us his creation. *clairity*"
This comment was left on the post titled Childfree Senior by LauraS (September 2, 2005), not on Friendships by Twiga92 (November 18, 2005)!

I have invited Clairity, whose lovely picture I found on Flickr and used to illustrate the original post, to contribute a Guest Post. She would be our first parent to do so. Let's see if she is willing to share further.

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AlphaGirl said...

Hmmmm.....doubful she will take you up on it, but I'm not so sure a guest post from her would generate any positive/insightful dialogue. This is, after all, about childfree living. From the tone of her comment, I doubt she will have anything positive or constructive to say.

I can handle negative comments, but are you really sure this is the appopriate forum for her?

Just my two cents

Elise said...

Judging from the look of her blog, I'd have to agree.

Teri, I know you like to be excruciatingly fair. But this exercise is likely (if it indeed happens) to be just that --- excruciating.

Teri said...

I'd just like to know why our message is negative.

There is a reason I changed the name from Purple Women (sounds like preaching to the choir, which can be very fun) to Purple Women & Friends. After I did that, and meetig their webmaster in person at the BlogHer conference, Silicon Valley Moms blog linked to us. I wanted to open up the dialogue to differing views.

I guess I am tired of quick judgements and I'd like to hear it spelled out.

I also represent the woman she describes to some degree. I was not given "the gift" and I had to decide who I wanted to be. The choice was highlighted for me by my inability to have a child naturally. I wanted to know what other paths existed, not pity.

I am not an early articulator, I made a choice to be childfree all the same. I think it is important to represent the true range of who childfree women are. We do not all "hate kids", but some of us do. By revealing who we are, we break down blanket stereotypes.

This woman is an avid blogger. She authors more than one blog and is on two team blogs. I trust that she fundamentally "gets it" -- that blogging is all about the dialogue. Can we agree to disagree? Does it belong on the front page? Perhaps. I give her huge credit for leaving the comment with links back to her online identity, instead of just signing and untracable "Anonymous".

AlphaGirl said...

I understand all of that, but her comment reflected an unwillingness to even consider that some women have elected to not have kids, and outright pities those who can't.

The sidebar comments clearly state for commenters to "keep it positive". The fact the woman blogs frequently has no bearing on her ability or willingess to abide by the supposed rules and etiquette of blogging.

I am clearly not welcome at parenting blogs; it would be foolish and an invasion of their space for me to even guest post there, so I don't. Why invite a train wreck just in the interest of being fair?

If you want to find out from her why her message is negative, I would encourage you to have an offline discussion with her. A lot of people see this blogspace as a retreat or a safe haven. Please keep it that way. The occasional voice of dissent is fine, but a comment that overwhelmingly negative shows a closed mind and an unwillingness to listen.

With all due respect, you can't please and accomodate everyone.

Teri said...

I would really like to hear from a parent. I have had some great conversations with parents about our endeavor here.

The blogger in question and I have corresponded offline.

Let's just see what happens.

Law Geek said...

I wouldn't mind hearing from a parent, but not this one. The name is too ironic.