A New Parent Defends the Childfree

In her article Mama Don't Preach: Thoughts on Respecting Parenthood Decisions Salon editor and writer Amy Reiter had this to say:

I'm here as a new parent to stand up for all those nonparents out there -- the ones who haven't yet made up their minds about kids and the ones who definitely have -- and proclaim that there is nothing wrong with not having children. I did it for more than three decades and led what I'd consider a pretty rich life, filled with learning, love, travel, adventure, laughter...and other people's children.

You're not being selfish. Your life won't be empty. And you're certainly not destined for a sad, lonely end. People can find meaning in their lives in ways that don't include progeny.

This article was her response to conversation she had with another new Mom who gushed, "I don't understand how anyone can not have children. They're missing out on the best thing in life." We've all heard a version of those sentiments. Reiter makes the point that it serves neither parents or nonparents to endorse "parenthood as panacea." Reiter "isn't buying it"--even though she clearly has no regrets about her decision to parent-- because this type of rhetoric fails to communicate how difficult parenthood can be.

From my childfree perspective, this kind of talk also implies that the childfree are freaks for not wanting to parent and sets parents up for, what will likely be, some very unrealistic expectations around the Joys of Parenthood. People who have their first kid believing that all the trials of parenthood will be offset by an unlimited source of joy sometimes feel like they've been duped by a bait and switch scam. On occasion the resulting anger is misdirected to the kids, who didn't sign up for that shifty deal either, or the childfree friends who appear to gloat as they describe a recent trekking trip in Nepal.

Thanks to Amy Reiter for her brave honesty and support.


Technorati Tags: Childfree