My Answer To The Question

This is my first post here at Purple Women™ and I wanted to introduce myself and my writing style by starting off answering one of the questions Teri posed in her intro email : how do you answer the question, ‘ do you have kids?’

Really, there are only so many ways you CAN answer that, right? However, when I’m feeling snappish and want a fun reaction (which, honestly, is quite often), the way I like to answer it is to wrinkle my nose and gasp, “Oh GOD no…no way…not ever…nuh-uh!!” like they just asked if I liked to stick cute puppies with forks.

The reactions I get are priceless. Some people think I’m kidding. Some probably think I’m drunk. Most people are scared and have expressions mixed with confusion and sheer horror - especially women holding the hand of a small child. You can tell they want to whisk their little lamb away from me, covering their ears and shielding them from the spitting baby-hater. Run, before she eats your child!

But I’m really not a baby-hater. I like babies. I’ve even worked at two different daycares – on purpose! I’m a genuinely good person with a big heart, and, in general, kids like me - I’m a great play pal. The difference is, I don’t want one cramming their head through any of my orifices or sticking their chocolate-covered fingers on my television screen every night. (I do that one enough, myself.)

Since I was a child myself, I’ve known that I want to remain childfree. I have emotional reasons. I have societal reasons. I have drool, poop, and booger reasons. It’s just something that I know about Myself. It’s something I’ve always known about Myself.

And, ya know, I kinda like that ‘Myself’ person. She’s a pretty neat gal.

I think I’ll take her word for it.